sunday rewind: Scritti Politti

Woo-hoo!  It's the return of '80s Sunday Rewind!  Let's talk about Scritti Politti.  This is a band I loved in the late '80s and looking back and watching the video "Boom! There She Was," I suspect it is because the lead singer, Green Gartside, reminds me of Prince.  Only white.  And how could I not love a band with a song called "Pray Like Aretha Franklin"?

Scritti Politti has been around since the late '70s and made their last album in 2006, but I have to say, I had no idea.  I'm not sure if y'all remember Scritti Politti.  Let's refresh your memory.  

Here's there hit, "Perfect Way" from 1985.  This song could be redone by the Jonas Brothers today and go to number one.  Not that I'm suggesting it.

Y'all, this is "Boom! There She Was."  Inspired by Prince?  You be the judge.  Maybe Morris Day, because someone brings Green a drink on stage and a giant book (wtf?).  And the dancing in this video is hot, white hot.  I think the guitars are for show, because this is all keyboards and synthesizers, but I love that hot pink guitar.  You're not fooling me, Green.

Are you ready for bizarre?  I'm only including this one because it's one of the most bizarre vids I've ever seen. "Wood Beez (Pray Like Aretha Franklin)" not only features Green and company singing on a giant bed in their jammies – no, that's not all – we have a a ballet dancer, bee keeping, fencing, Green as an astronaut, and Green as Olympian.  For no reason.  

Seriously.  That is fresh off the train from Crazy Town.  

More '80s next Sunday.  Suggestions?

horoscopes

I do not believe in horoscopes.  

Horoscopes are written in a vague manner to purposely make you say to yourself, "self, I HAVE been working too hard lately!  I DO need a vacation!"  You will never open the newspaper and read this: Cancer – Did you make that dermatologist appointment?  Those moles aren't going to come off themselves, honey.  And see what he can do about that situation under your eyes because I haven't seen bags like that since Christmas, girl.  

Here comes the confessional part of today's blog.  When I was I don't know, 17 and stupid and looking for answers in anything and everything, I bought a huge horoscope book and learned everything about my sign, Cancer.  It should come to no surprise to you that my sign is the crab.  Hilarious.  At the time, I had no doubt that everything in my daily horoscope somehow applied to my life.  This went on for six months or so until I was reading the Sunday paper (always an avid newspaper reader) and for the first time read ALL of the daily horoscopes and realized they could apply to anyone.  It was like the opposite of the end of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, because my heart shrank three sizes that day.  I was bummed and cynical.  I'd spent six months believing that crap.  Maybe I should be glad I learned this at an early age, because there are grown ass people who believe in that crap.  My apologies if you are a grown ass person who believes in that crap, but I'm only here to help.  

This post was inspired by something that is just THERE when I check my Yahoo email, my horoscope.  I didn't ask for it, it's just THERE.  I read it, laughed, then looked for a couple of more of today's Cancer horoscopes to show you the f*ckery.  I don't know if I've told you this before, but f*ckery is one of my favorite words.  You're welcome.  Oh, and the italicized parts are my comments, for your consideration.

It's all about money today, at least as far as you're concerned. Your mind isn't always on the material world, but for now, it's a good idea to wrangle your finances and prepare for the future.  
SAY WHAT?  It's never all about money for me.  Prepare for the future?  I'm going to be rolling in the BLOG BOOK money by then, baby.

You feel that you've been fighting for a deeper understanding of what you want or believe in. You are now sure to become clear, decisive, and self directed about where you want to be in this respect. This is a great time for setting goals and beginning the journey towards reaching them.  SAY WHAT?  This is lame and can apply to anyone.  Well, unless you're on death row or something, because your journey's pretty much set.

The inventive Aquarius Moon can prompt us to solve a complex problem in an unconventional manner. But our originality won't necessarily help us convince others of the validity of our answers as the Moon forms tense aspects with several planets today. Although we won't likely feel satisfied with the results, we still might accomplish more than we realize with Mars now beginning to build momentum since it turned direct just a couple of days ago.   SAY WHAT?  I'm not astronomer and all I know is that Venus and Mars are alright tonight, Paul McCartney said so in 1975, baby.

2-12 Venus and Mars (Single Edit)

Sweet mother of the Death Star, were those a bunch of bullshit or what?  The last one was just confusing.  I just felt like throwing in one of my favorite McCartney and Wings tunes in for fun.  

Because I'm self-diagnosed ADD, I have to blog, then read other things online, come back to the blog, etc. While perusing The Onion, I noticed their horoscope section.  Oh, goody!  Finally I have found a horoscope that is scarily accurate: The human mind is a thing of startling beauty.  Unfortunately yours is mostly filled with old phone numbers and minor celebrity trivia.

You have no idea.
 

fine art Friday

I thought I'd start a new feature here on The Kerry Blog, Fine Art Friday.  

Those of you who know me well know I am nothing if not an art lover, and I've always felt art appreciation is one of the things as humans that separates us from the animals (as well as our ability to accessorize).  

This morning while perusing Etsy.com, I stumbled upon someone who is my favorite new artist and is sure to be yours as well.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Denny, aka Pinky27889.  I believe he is a modern master. I'll let the work speak for itself.  

Il_fullxfull.99598139
Il_fullxfull.117007899

George
 
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I believe a painting with words in it is priceless.  Don't you agree?  I'm going to be purchasing some art for friends soon because frankly, I've been to their homes and they could use some real art.  None of this store bought, mass-produced crap.  Denny puts his heart and soul into each work and as he says, "I have decided to insure each shipment and finally figured in the three beers each painting usually takes."  Three beers.   That's dedication, people.

I especially love the first painting and unfortunately, it's been sold.  I'm thinking of asking Denny to recreate it on a bigger scale for me to place over my mantle.  Is it just me or is that a dapper young Bill Clinton?  Probably just me.  

Hope you enjoyed the first Fine Art Friday.  And don't forget to visit Denny's Etsy shop for more art.  

sassy gay friend

When I find something on the interwebs that makes me laugh, cry, or choke on my own spit, I feel it is my duty as your faithful redheaded blogger to report back here and post.  

This is one of those posts, y'all.  I came across the second video on Huffington Post and found the first video on You Tube.  This is Second City's "Sassy Gay Friend."

Y'all.  I need this to be a television show.  "Save it Patty Hearst!  I'm not buying any Stockholm Syndrome today!"  OMG.  "Instead of drowning yourself, you're going to write a sad poem in your journal and move on."  

I would write more about "Sassy Gay Friend," but I'm off to craft and email to NBC, Bravo, and Logo about optioning it as a series in which our hero saves another doomed damsel from literature each week, because HELLO – Lady Macbeth — out, out damn'd spot!  This SO needs to happen.

live-blogging the Oscars red carpet @ 5

I'll be live-blogging the red carpet starting at 5 Central time (or when I remember to turn the tv on).  Meetcha back here then.

4:59 – The tv is tuned to E! 

5:00 – Seacrest is on the steps of the Kodak theater.  Appropriate, because he's a leprechaun.

5:01 – I thought I'd let you know what I'm wearing for the red carpet.  Black yoga pants by Lane Bryant, Gray v-neck t-shirt by Mossimo for Target, and gray fancy ruffled slippers by Isotoner.  Fancy for the Oscars, yo.

5:04 – Avatar guy says he's wearing a monkey suit.  Ryan says he was "literally living in a hammock after seeing Avatar" — he obviously doesn't know what literally means.  OMG – Efron busted in on the interview.  He's a cutie in a tux.  I think it's time for a new hair style, Zach.  

5:07 – Seacrest keeps saying "brother" like he's freaking Hulk Hogan.  For the love of the WWE, stop.  Oh, and he's wearing a Burberry tux, like we care.

5:08 – Jay Manuel just said revealing necklines look better on a smaller bust.  I wouldn't know anything about that, Jay.  He's showing the best of what people have worn this year.

5:09 – It's Anna Kendrick from Up in the Air.  Light pink flowy dress.  Mo'Nique stepped on Anna's dress!  Oh boy.  Mo'Nique said "we're nothing but kids with grown up faces."  OMG.  I love her.  Seacrest said the buzz is she's a lock on the Oscar, she said she felt the same when she did Soul Plane.  Mo'Nique is wearing royal blue.  Seacrest is not asking about the gowns.  Boo.

5:16 – What the hell is this commercial with cervical cancer in a perfume bottle?  WTF?

5:17 – It's my nemesis, Mariah Carey.  Nick Cannon says he just sits around 'til the last minute in his drawers while 1000 people get Mariah ready.  Sounds like my life.  Mariah just doesn't look human.  She caught her bracelet on her dress.  The slit in her dress is practically up to her neck.

5:20 – Mickey Rooney!

5:25 – a chick from Avatar is in a lavandar dress.  Seacrest just said "brother" to the mayor of L.A.  I'm going to lose it before this is over.  The top of Avatar girl's dress is verrrry sparkly.  I do not like.  Love the bottom of her dress if it were not purple.  I hate purple.

5:27 – Joel Madden and Nicole Richie are with Ryan.  Joel will be DJing during the commercials or something.

5:29 – I have seen this dress in another color on someone else.  It's the other woman from Up in the AIr.    Do not like the dress, but love the red.

5:31 – I'm sorry if I'm disappointing by not knowing some of the actor's names, but half the time I barely know my own.

5:34- Hey, baby, how you doin', Ryan Reynolds?  How cute is he?  I like that he's wearing a bow tie.  Seacrest just mentioned that he and RR train at the same gym.  OMG. RR is going to film Green Lantern in New Orleans.  I think I'm going to be spending some time in New Orleans.

5:36 – Ivan Reitman  is talking about Up in the Air.  Says he took an Ambien last night and played Xbox.  

5:38 – James Cameron's wife/date/chick is wearing some Grecian goddess dress.  She needs jewelry.  Is she Suzy Amis?  I think she is maybe.  

5:40 – Maggie Gyllenhall and Peter Saaaarrrrsgaaaarrrrd.  They won't back up and show her dress and that's annoying.  Peter's head is shaved.  Hope that's for a movie.  

5:42 – I get Elizabeth Banks confused with someone else, so I'm not sure who she really is.  She's wearing Versace and it's great.

5:43 – It's designer Tom Ford!  He's wearing a boutonniere!  

5:48 – Sigourney Weaver is wearing a one-shouldered red dress with a black bow around the waist.  She says he's pole dancing for her next film.  We have so much in common.

5:49 – Lenny Kravitz looks cool in his sunglasses.  Seacrest said "brother" again.

5:51 – Tina Fey is wearing a Michael Kors one-shouldered black dress.  Very basic.  Says she talked to my boyfriend Alec Baldwin earlier.  Hussy.

5:56 – Diane Kruger from Inglorious Basterds is wearing a very frou frou  cream and black dress.  

5:59 – Sandra Bullock looks interesting.  I love her hair.  She's wearing a champagne colored tight dress.

6:01 – Tyler Perry is talking about how he got Oprah to watch Precious and get it to the screen.  He's wearing a bow tie, love that.  Said Oprah had the dvd of the movie in her purse for a while before she watched it.  See people, Oprah is just like us.

6:03 – Cute little Amanda Siegfried or whatever her name is has on an Aramani dress with a very pronounced bodice.  Kind of weird.

6:04 – Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and the big guy from The Blindside.  McGraw said "people don't realize how good he is 'cause he's really a 5'8" white guy."

6:06 – Jake Gyllenhal is in a bow tie.  He says he hung out with Jamie Foxx last night.  He's chewing gum, for crying out loud.  Jake says his pocket square is real.  That's a good tip for my male readers, make sure your pocket square is real, do not accept fake pocket squares.  How can he know about pocket squares and yet chew gum on the red carpet?  

6:13 – Miley Cyrus is wearing something that looks like a bustier and tinsel.  Someone please tell me why she's at the Oscars.  Someone?  

6:14 – What on Earth is SJP wearing?  It's bizarre.  She's wearing Channel and the top is made of tin foil.  She was attacked by a bronzer.  Matthew Broderick is adorable.

6:17 – Katherine Bigelow is NO LIE a foot taller than Seacrest.  I love it.  

6:19 – Where is Clooney?

6:25 – It's Matt Damon.  We're getting closer to Clooney!  And a bow tie. I SEE CLOONEY.  He was signing autographs.  Matt is going to play Liberace's "longtime companion" in the Liberace movie.  Do you know how excited I am for THAT?

6:28 – Talk to me, Colin Firth.  Love his voice.

6:28 – It's Queen Latifah!  Now, she looks good in lavandar.  One shoulder.  Clooney busted in on Latifah.  Talk, George.  He says he voted for Jeff Bridges.  How cute is he?  He said Jeff is the Dude.  Bye, George!

6:31 – Meryl Streep says she's in love with Sandra Bullock, just like everyone else in America.  Do not like her bright white dress.  I think she could go with a color.  I want Queen Latifah's dress. 

6:33 – When I was little I had a Barbie with the exact same dress that Jennifer Lopez is wearing.  it's iridescent pink.  Her elfin husband is chewing gum.  What is with these people?

6:38 – Who let Keanu in?  

6:39 – Woody Harrelson just kissed the girl from Precious.  What?  She just said "if fashion was porn, this dress is the money shot."  She fist bumped Keanu.  Jay Manuel is talking about her confidence.  In other words "it's good that she even showed up at her size."  Why couldn't he just say "she looked great!" 

6:43 – Robert Downey, Jr is wearing a blue bow tie.  Okay then.

6:47 – It's Gerard Butler. Hey baby, how you doin'?  He's talking about Jennifer Anniston, but I'm  jus
t thinking, "hey baby."    Wait, come back, Gerard!

6:51 – Oh, it's Jason Bateman.  Hey baby, how you doin'?  So cute.  

6:53 – It's the DUDE!  he really needs to do something with that squirrel on his face.  

6:54 – Charlize Theron let woodland creatures make her dress because woodland creatures never pay attention to the bust and took the train, brought it up, wrapped it AROUND HER BOOBS and called it a dress.  She looks insane.  That's the best thing I can say about it.  

6:58 – Cameron Diaz is in gold.  I can't stand her and I've never been able to put my finger on why.  I do like her dress, maybe if her hair was another color.  

6:59 – It's over, people.  KBF out.