I give you my Natchez haiku:
oh, Mississippi
your slow ways and bad driving
please start making sense
So, to start out our trip to Natchez, I had to pick up my pictures from Lakeside Camera. Of course, this is me, so I couldn’t just pick them up. They said they didn’t have a record of my order, so I had to show them my email receipt, and lo and behold, my pics were in at the Metairie location. They said not to worry, they will deliver them to the Mandeville store that afternoon. Ha. I was so good, y’all. I stayed calm thanks to medication and said that’s great and all, but I’m leaving for Mississippi in 20 minutes . I picked up Beth and Megan, then we went to pick up the pics. That was the start of the day.
We made a swing by McDonald’s and got drinks and two hours later had to go potty in Bude, Mississippi. That would be pronounced like “dude.” I know. Ok, so walking into the gas station, we could tell we didn’t want to stick around. We’ve all been in that gas station, right? Here’s where it strays. One of us opens the restroom door, which is way dirty and there are two stalls. No doors. Shower curtains in place of the doors. Oh, yeah. Mississippi heard we were coming and rolled out the red carpet, shower curtain, whatever. So, I’m standing outside the restroom minding my own business when out of the corner of my eye I see a pantyhose rack-spinny-thingie and right at the top there were pantyhose marked 8-9x. Yes, I know you’re picturing a size 9x woman putting on pantyhose and I’m sorry for that image, but I’m a brain ninja like that. I know I say this all the time on the Kerry blog, but I’m not a supermodel (I just play one on tv). I’ve been around the Lane Bryant a few times. So, I can imagine what one would have to weigh to be a 9x. I’m guessing 500Orca. And for the love of spandex and nylon, Good Lord, why would you want to put yourself in danger by wearing pantyhose if you were that large a woman. Remember, only you can prevent brush fires. And here’s the best part. I turned the spinny-thingie around and there they were, 9x knee highs. WHAT?! How the freak big do your cankles and calves have to be to wear 9x knee highs? That’s when Richard Simmons comes to visit you and you have to be cut out of your house and moved with a forklift. And you’re going to put on your knee highs? I think not. Being plus sized is hard enough, don’t make the woman where 9x pantyhose.
The crop was good. We laughed a bunch and I only got in trouble once for something I said. It was a “did I say that outloud” moment. That happens sometimes. Maureen won the page contest and that was cool. I only managed to get 5 layouts done, but I sure had a good time. I didn’t win a doorprize and I always win stuff, but as I was unpacking today, my doorprize tickets were in my bag. Idiot. I never put them in the prize thing. Oh, we ate at the Pig Out Inn three times. They came for lunch everyday and I actually at potato salad. I just ate the chunks of potato. I didn’t die. So that’s what, the second time I’m had potato salad in my life? When Megan heard that I thought she was going to faint. We went to Biscuits and Blues for steak one night and that place had some good eats. I love an onion ring and crabcakes. Yum. The joint had live music from some guy who kept talking about folk music and played a song I remembered from O Brother, Where Art Thou. Interesting. The music was way too loud for dinner. Beth, Megan, and I were yelling at each other over our biscuits. People all over Natchez were looking at all of us weird because we were wearing the same shirts. You know if you’re in a restaurant and you see 3 or more women together wearing matching tee shirts there must be a scrapbooking event in town. Saturday we wore the shirts I made that said “if I crop fast enough does it count as exercise?”
We drove back and saw the best thing ever — two guys in an old maroon car with the dvd players we have on the headrests of our van, but they had them on the sun visors in the front seat and they were watching a movie while driving around downtown Natchez on Main Street. The driver was on his celly and I’m sure his passenger was all like, “get off the phone, I’m trying to watch Big Mama’s House!” I just hope I’m that cool one day.
On the way home we stopped for gas at the same place in Bude. A guy who looked like Sammy Davis, Jr drives up on one of those Jazzy scooters and it’s all decked out with flags and fuzzy dice and stuff. I wish I would have taken a picture because y’all would have loved that. And the guy was in all black like Johnny Cash. Further down the highway we saw a kid walking with a skateboard. Middle of nowhere, Mississippi and Tony Hawk is going to skateboard somewhere on the highway.
At some point I’ll put up the layouts I did at Scrap ‘n on the River. Until then, be good.
