What? No tunes? Truth be told, I have too much going on today to do justice to Tunes You Need Tuesday, so I guve you Cards You Need Tuesday. Here’s a find I had to share. You can find them at http://www.uncookedcardland.com, so have fun. If I have time later I may share my experience from Target and the McDonald’s drive thru from today. Gotta go finish my layout for the design team. Be good.
Have you caught the Olympic fever that’s spreading through our country? Yeah, me neither.
I’m sure you knew that the Opening Ceremony is on Friday night. You know the one that’s 20 hours long and the USA comes in behind almost every other country because our founding fathers decided to start our country’s name with a U.
Couldn’t have started it with an A as in Awesome States of America. Or just America. Or at least somewhere at the beginning of the alphabet. Every Olympics I stay up and watch until the US comes in with the flag. I don’t know why. Or course, I’m a proud American and all and I watch, but it’s the same every time — the US comes in with the flag, there are tons of American team members, and they walk around waving. You know what’s fun? Watching all the countries with 4 athletes and the announcer talks about how one of the guys always wanted to compete in swimming, but didn’t have a Speedo. Cue the taped segment that tells us more than we ever wanted to know about said guy with no Speedo who, now we know trained in a kiddie pool, but since there has been a drought for the past four years in his country, has had to practice in the local lake that happens to be inhabited by piranha. Oh, and his mom died last week and he didn’t want to participate in the Olympics, but it was his mom’s dying wish that he go to Beijing, ’cause she’d never been out of the village.
I watch the Olympics for the drama.
I also watch the Olympics for the falls. You know you do it, too. Don’t act like you don’t watch the rhythmic gymnasts with the ribbons on sticks and hope they drop the stick. My personal fave is when the male gymnasts miss the uneven bars. I like when they fall off the pommel horse, too. I know I’m a horrible person. I can’t help it. It’s not like I’m yelling “fall!” at the tv, I’m just thinking it in my head, the way you’re supposed to root for stuff (and my favorite way to think).
The drug scandals are a fun thing to watch the Olympics for, too. When all else fails, there’s always the drug scandals.
This year there will be American protest over China’s human rights policies and violations. They’ve even set up designated protest areas near the venues — how great is that? Let’s start a pool and we’ll bet on how many days of the games it will take before we spot a sign by some dude with Beijing spelled wrong. I know you just looked at how I spelled Beijing and thought, is that spelled right? Yes, it is. The Chinese spell their cities names with extra letters just like we do! If you don’t believe me — well, have you ever seen Plaquemines on a map? Maybe you’re familiar with Calcasieu. I clicked spell check for that and it suggested calculate. We like our vowells in Louisiana! I’m telling you, when I moved to South Louisiana I just gave up ever trying to spell anything right again. I printed invitations for Kim’s shower with Ponchatoula spelled wrong and had to reprint them. Dumb spelling. Back to Beijing…
So, Friday night, get some take-out and settle in for a long night of Opening Ceremonies. Mmmm…the Olympics are yummy like egg rolls and moo goo gai pan.
Like I have time for this. I have ScrapFest! workshops to post! And what kind of name for a hurricane is Edouard? Like we’re afraid of that. I’ll give you E names to be afraid of: Elvis, Ebola, Erik (end a name with a K and you’ve got a mess of trouble), Edgar, Ebeneezer — damn, I’d already be packed and headed for Shreveport if you were a hurricane named Ebeneezer or Ebola. You don’t mess around with that kind of Hurricane.
Just for funsies, here’s the rest of our hurricane names for the year.
Fay, Gustav, Hanna, Ike, Josephine, Kyle, Laura, Marco, Nana, Omar, Paloma, Rene, Sally, Teddy, Vicky, & Wilfred. Wilfred? Are you kidding me? Ike? Nana is another name for Grandma! Gustav is ok, I guess. Omar is kinda scary.
Here’s my new list for 2008. Fabio, Gustav, Hitler, Igor, Jack the Ripper, Keifer, Lisa (I’ve known a bunch of mean girls named Lisa. However, one of the current friends I have named Lisa are mean), Mack, Nellie (Olsen), Omar, Phoenix, Reagan (Ronald Reagan scared me to death), Sybil, Tabasco, Venus, and Walken (Christopher). If the hurricane-namer people are reading this, I’m sorry, I tend to get off on tangents and I’m just trying to help. I’m thoughtful that way.
I’ve been playing around with Scrapblog for a while now, so I guess it’s only right to share my little find with the world. It’s the easiest way I’ve found to make a digital scrapbook page without knowing Photoshop. Scrapblog now has one of my fave designers, Rhonna Farrer’s designs, so it’s even better. Go play on Scrapblog this weekend. Here’s one I just did of Molly. It takes minutes. In Photoshop this layout would take me all day, but who am I kidding, I would give up, curse the computer, and say I’m never trying digital scrapbooking again.
Edit: I forgot to tell y’all — I save my scrapblog layouts by clicking export as jpeg and saving it to my pics. I use the scrapblog layouts as desktop backgrounds on my laptop. You can make one for each holiday, season, whatever. Fun, huh?
Dear Male Enhancement SPAM emailer,
I have a va-jay-jay.
I am not your target demographic. I know my name is unisex and although I’ve considered changing the spelling or changing my name completely to say, Champagne Supernova, I’m keeping Kerry.
Also, how do you get around all the SPAM filters I have? Keep it up and I’m reporting you to Homeland Security for domestic terrorism.
Sincerely,
Kerry B.F.
P.S. use spell check for crying outloud.
Started watching a doc on the History channel, Batman Tech, tonight (it was good — try to catch it August 11th when they air it again). Anyway, I love superhero stuff, so I had to watch that. Andrew was still up, and once he saw “Batmain” there was no going to bed. Had to put on the Batmain pjs, complete with cape. The kid started with the flying around the living room, then jumping off the couch a hundred times before he moved on to the stairs. He was up and down the stairs, jumping off the 2nd step from the bottom, then going to the 4th step and sliding down on his belly, then flying around some more, telling me he was “fwying.” It’s a good thing we’re so close to hospital. I’m sure it will come in handy one day. I thought all y’all out in Gotham might like to know what Batmain looks like when he crashes. I found him in the Batcave known as mommy and daddy’s room when I didn’t hear him for a few minutes. You might want to call 911 with those emergencies, Batmain is out ’til around 8am.
stupid phone plan mess
let us upgrade when we want
I want an iPhone
Almost every morning I check email, look at Facebook, and read news from everywhere while the kids are having breakfast and I’m having my two cups of coffee. I’m news junkie, have been since I was in middle school. I’m a geek, I know. I’m a big documentary fan, love PBS Fontline, and have a crush on Anderson Cooper (I know). In my morning reading, I think I discovered something I find disturbing and you may, too.
It’s Jesus. Seems the Son of God is all over the place lately. Here’s a little background info on me, in case you haven’t known me since birth. I grew up Church of God, but all that meant to me is that I was a Christian and that seemed like a good thing to be. I accepted Christ, it was all good, but I didn’t do youth group or anything; my parents weren’t big church-goers, no big deal. I grew up, had friends of different faiths, boyfriends of different faiths, discussed religion with people all the time. I met my hubs, Scott, in December of my freshman year at LA Tech and he dragged me to Campus Crusade, and church, the whole nine yards. So, for those of you keeping score at home, I’m a Christian girl, now active in MOPS, love my FBC Covington, all that (I don’t listen to Christian rock, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog). Good stuff, yea me.
So here’s my problem. Jesus is popping up all over the place. You know what I’m talking about — his image. Now, I may get in trouble for this one, too, but call me crazy (wouldn’t be the first time), but seems my man, JC, wouldn’t choose to appear to the masses in say, a Cheeto.
Friends and peeps, I give you Cheeto Jesus. Some woman in Missouri found what she believes to be the representation of our Lord and Savior in crispy cheesy goodness. Cheesus, you might say. This would be the crucifixion image, of course, which is the most popular Jesus sighting, next to the Shroud of Turin Jesus.
Now, I love Jesus. I sing his praises, read books about him, think about what he would do in situations, but I have never seen him in a bag of snacks. I’m not one for salty snacks anyway, so I guess I should say I’ve never seen Him on an M&M or Almond Joy, or plate of cheese enchiladas even (no matter how cheesy). Dang, now I’m hungry.
Oh, you say, “Kerry, that’s just plain silly, of course Jesus wouldn’t appear in Cheeto form!” Well, would you believe He’s chosen to appear again — in the fur of a kitty? Well, CNN says maybe so. They put kitty Jesus on their website this morning, you can watch it below.
What? The kitty Shroud of Turin Jesus? It must be a sign of the Apocalypse. Forget Y2K people, it’s Kitty Jesus. I can’t believe they named the kitty Sissy. So when they call her she can say, “who you callin’ Sissy, I’m Jesus!”
Don’t like Kitty Jesus? I’ve had 3 cats, none with Jesus fur, but hey, you can’t have everything. My cats were cool, 2 of them I taught to fetch. Maybe you’re not a cat person. Maybe you’re a fish person. Nothing wrong with that. There’s always Catfish Jesus.
I found this lovely Catfish Crucifixion Jesus on a popular online auction site that may or may not rhyme with beGay. Someone wants money for this treasure. Here’s his (or her) description: 
“You decide. Possessing one is fabled to bring luck and protection for whomever has it. All I can say is Mine has. This is NOT MY Personal one – I would never part with that one. I had mine during my 30 month and still ongoing recovery from a serious paralyzing spinal injury the results of which which the doctors are calling “Miraculous” I will send the moving story of that to any buyer who requests it. I also survived Hurricane Charley and Wilma And I win a lot @ Bingo. I CAN NOT / DO NOT claim this unusual item had anything to do with these events BUT I used everything I knew of that might help.”
I didn’t change a word of that listing. I didn’t have to, it’s wacko all on it’s own. I love how he says he wins a lot at bingo. ‘Cause Jesus loves gambling! At least that guy’s Jesus does. Anyone ever think that maybe a catfish’s skeleton just looks like that? Maybe it’s just me.
If any of y’all bid on that I’ll take you out for an all-you-can-eat catfish dinner. I hear there’s a good place not far from me. Bet they have sweet tea. I hope they have hushpuppies. Mmmm…hushpuppies.
Ok, so the comment from this morning made me not want to write anything else today, but hey, it’s Tunes you need Tuesday. Here’s one essential album any REM fan needs: Dead Letter Office.
There’s a good chance you haven’t heard this cd, it’s a great collection of b-sides, covers, and outtakes from the band’s early years. It’s a fitting title — in case you didn’t know, when your mail gets lost or you goofed up the address and don’t put your return address on the envelope, your mail goes to the dead letter office. Well, that’s what they used to be called. Now they’re referred to as Mail Recovery Centers, which sounds like letter rehab. Anywhoodle.
The covers on Dead Letter Office are great. I love REM’s version of “There She Goes Again” by Velvet Underground, it’s one of my favorite songs of all time. The cover of Aerosmith’s “Toys in the Attic” is a fun song, something I always find strange that REM recorded.
“Ages of You” is a song that could have been big, or at least I think so. I love a lot of REM’s music from before they really refined their sound. Here’s a fab line from the song, “the horses just don’t gossip anymore.” I never trusted horses, especially those haughty Clydesdales.
My fun, “try to sing along” song on the album has to be “Voice of Harold.” Michael Stipe used the liner notes to a gospel album (“The Joy of Knowing Jesus”, by the Revelaires) in the studio during the recording of Reckoning with the same backing music track as “7 Chinese Brothers.” I’m sure there was some drinking going on in the studio that night. Finally, the mucho grande fun track of the album is a liqoured-up version of Roger Miller’s “King of the Road.” You can almost smell the booze on Stipe’s breath when you hear it. Seriously. Here’s what guitarist Peter Buck had to say in the liner notes about “King of the Road”: I suppose if we had any shame we would have never allowed this little gem to see the light of day. This was recorded at the very end of a long alcohol soaked day, and I can barely remember cutting it. This first part was an attempt at writing a commercial for Walter’s Bar-B-Q. The second part is King of the Road, kind of. If there was any justice in the world, Roger Miller should be able to sue for what we did to this song.
So, there it is. Go to Amazon and get your copy of Dead Letter Office. It’s $7, I checked it out for you. I didn’t check iTunes this time, but you know how to find it. Oh, I didn’t mention that when the cd was released, they tacked on the EP, Chronic Town, to DLO, so you’ll get the lovely song “Gardening at Night” as a little bonus. I’ve had the cd for years and years, and I pop in it in to play for a fun drive a lot. The cd came out in 1987, before Document and Green, when REM was still pretty much considered a college band and they broke out big. Do yourself a favor and go get all those cds. I have the newer compilations and the old cds — you can’t beat the old ones. There a lots of gems off those older cds that never saw the light of day. Ok, so this Tunes you need Tuesday turned into REM you need Tuesday.
Promise I’ll put up layouts from Scrap ‘n on the River soon. Still haven’t unpacked the car. What? You think I unpacked anything, save for my Vera Bradley Miller bag in Java Blue? Ha. You’re so funny, I thought you knew me by now. I wouldn’t have unpacked that bag, but I needed my toiletries. A girl’s gotta have her hair products, now. Be good.
I didn’t expect to get a comment from someone in the blogosphere telling me I’m mean and ugly on the inside for writing about 9x pantyhose. I took the comment down because I’m anything but mean, I just thought it was humorous that a gas station in the middle of nowhere is selling those. If you can’t find the humor in that, then maybe you shouldn’t be reading my blog. There’s a little arrow in the top right-hand corner where you can go to the next blog if you want. By the way, putting on pantyhose is a universal thing. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 10 or size 30, it’s a struggle to put on pantyhose. Trust me, I haven’t been a size 10 since homecoming of my junior year in highschool and I won’t tell you my dress size now. I’ve struggled with my weight since puberty and it’s on-going. I said I’m not a supermodel. Let me clarify that. In college (1993+) I didn’t put on the freshman 15, I put on the freshman 50. Yeah. In 1997, shopping for wedding dresses in Shreveport, LA became a new low point because the samples were nowhere close to my size. Every girl dreams of trying on her wedding dress and knowing it’s The One, not me. Since then I’ve had three children and my stomach looks like a street map of New Orleans. I’ve done every diet known to man and now I’m on Nutrisystem. I won’t pretend that comment didn’t bother me. I’m not mean, I’m not anti-fat. I’m a chubby girl with a sense of humor.
At the crop I went to in Natchez I was described to someone as the “red-headed heavy girl wearing a pink shirt.” So, there ya go. I thought that was pretty damn funny. She didn’t mention my adorable leopard print Volatiles or my freckles or my killer wit or my fabulous earrings or bags. Funny, huh?
I read the comment to my hubs and he started laughing. I’m so mean. Mean, but I’m as cute as all get out.
Love,
the red-headed heavy girl wearing a pink shirt
