Dubya likes him some beach volleyball.  Boy, these pics make me miss Clinton.  Exactly what is he doing?  And where’s Laura?  Laura’s probably watching Michael Phelps.

This post is for Megan.

It’s Monday morning, I overslept, having a weird hair day, looks like rain, but Megan and I are going to Slidell for some Olive Garden soup, salad, & breadsticks lunch.  A trip to Slidell includes a run to Hobby Lobby, the Pandora bead store, & Starbucks on the way back. Since I’m having a weird hair day and a nice blemish on my chin, I’m pretending I look like the iVillage makeover I made last night.

This may be the best I’ve ever looked.  I heart these makeover sites.

Did you see the Opening Ceremony?  Didya?  Didya?

It was pretty cool.  The commentators mentioned the swimmer I’d written about in a post this week — he’s from Equatorial Guinea.  Here’s a quote from 2000 about him “Moussambani, who trains in a 20m pool with no lane markers in his African homeland, carried the national flag in the opening ceremony, leading an 11-person team that also includes a female swimmer.” — BBC.  He started swimming in January of that year, the year he competed.  That’s awesome.  I think the commentators have been reading my blog.  Gotcha, Bob Costas!

You know that segment on Anderson Cooper 360 (AC360 to those in the know), “keeping them honest”?  Well, here’s the Kerry Blog Keeping the Olympic Commentators Honest segment for today.

Regarding the Opening Ceremony outfits the USA wore: the hats are called flat caps or newsboys, not berets. The US wore berets when the Canadian company, ROOTS designed the outfits for the Winter 2002 games.  Ralph Lauren designed the USA’s outfits from last night and it’s not a beret, people.  These are not berets.

Here’s a close-up below.   Not a beret.  It can be yours for a mere $55 here.  Ralph’s selling the goods, baby.   There are berets on the site, but they’re blue and only in boy’s sizes.  You can buy all kinds of Olympic clothing on the Ralph Lauren site, so knock yourself out.

Have a good Saturday night.  I have to go find out when the Olympic leg warmers go on sale, I hear they’re making a comeback for winter.  I’ll need them for when I start my Olympic training for Curling this December.  If you’ve never heard of curling, Google it.  Curling is the only sport I could pick up at this point, you take a smooth granite stone with a handle and slide it on the ice while 2 of your friends run slowly inf front of it brushing fake brooms in the path of the stone.  Hilarious good times.

I haven’t been feeling well for a couple of days and haven’t felt like getting out, so when my friend Mandy, pictured below as me, told me about this site, I had to play.

Is that girl gorgeous or what?  Everyone wants to be me.  It’s a makeover website.  I love it.  You can try on virtually any hairstyle, add highlights, lowlights — it’s fab.  So here’s a style I’ve been wanting to try, what do you think? 

Ignore my curls in the front.  Oh, and ignore the way my neck looks, it’s the way I was sitting in that picture.   I have no posture.  And I was playing with the webcam that day and I look weird.  It looks like have 3 or 4 chins.  I only have 2. Comments?  On the hairstyle, not the chins, please.

Here’s me as Tyra.  Did I mention you can try on celebrity hairstyles?  I always wanted to be a supermodel/reality show host-judge/talk-show host/ drag queen.  She totally is.  I also looked pretty cute as Miley Cyrus.  Most of the celebrity hairstyles look bad on me because I’m ultra-fair and wouldn’t work as a blonde.  You can’t change the celebrity hair colors.

I can’t tell you how much fun I had on this site.  I could spend all day on it, but I only spent an hour.  I had to tend to the kids, or I would have kept playing.  They want you to subscribe and pay for more style choices, but why would you when you have all these choices?

Like what if you’ve been wanting to drastically change your look, say to match your personality.  Or maybe someone else’s personality.

Introducing my drag queen superhero alter ego, Champagne Supernova.

My alter ego has bright blue contacts, green & blue eyeshadow, and flame-orange hair with red & purple highlights.  Unfortunately, that’s about the flashiest jewelry they have in the free version.  Nice, huh?  Now go give yourself a makeover.  And yes, guys, there are dudes to choose from as well.  You can try on Brad Pitt’s or Charile Sheen hair, get facial hair, too.  Have a fun weekend.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like I’m living in Bizzarro World right now.  If any of you have answers, please leave them in the Comments below.

Why is the only store in town that carries Dab ‘n Glue (the only item on our school supply list you can’t buy at Target or Walmart) a toy store?  Of course you have to walk past the Webkinz display to get to the school/teacher supply section and since you had to bring your 3 children, you left with Dab ‘n Glue, 3 Webkinz, & a Hello Kitty alarm clock.

Why do Webkinz have such a grip on children?  It’s like stuffed animal crack.

Why do my grandfather’s emails now have a return receipt request on them?

Why don’t teens want to babysit anymore?  When I was a teenager babysitting was easy money.

What is Madonna smoking?  Counting Crows named their 2002 album Hard Candy first.  And what kind of name for a tour is Sticky and Sweet?  That’s stupid.  More like Bitchy and Botox.

Speaking of bitchy…why did McDonalds on HWY 21 choose to put a chick in the drive-thru window with a visible neck tattoo that says “bitch” in big script for me to see while I’m getting the kids ice cream cones?

Why is school starting on a Friday?  Weird.

Why do I get no cell phone reception the minute I pull into the garage?

When did clothes for little girls start looking like prositot wear?  Now, I know I’m a prude, but good Lord, some stuff in the stores is just obscene.

Why does Old Navy only sell their plus sizes online?

Who decided to give the Lohan’s a tv show?

Are Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry the same person?  Google them, it’s spooky.

What is Larry King still doing on tv?

Are a size xl and a size 1x the same size?  These things keep me up at night.

Why are my children obsessed with feminine hygiene products?  Once Molly stuck pads all over our bathroom mirror in Canada; today Andrew opened a box of tampons and took them all out, so the floor looked like the Playtex factory exploded in my bathroom.

Who names feminine products?  Playtex Pearl?  Really, is that the best you could do?

Why can I not get the same L’Oreal lipstick here that I bought in Canada 5 years ago?  I’ve been looking for 5 years and I’m finally giving up.

When did they start putting little video monitors in the drive-thru at the bank?  Now they can come on at anytime and see you and now that’s one less place I can go in the car without makeup.

Why doesn’t Cafe du Monde in Mandeville take debit cards?

Would it kill the garbage guys to close the lid on the can?  At least when it’s raining?

When are we going to get a Super Target?  I love our Target, it’s 4 minutes from my house, but sometimes I’d also like to buy bananas or a bag of salad whlie I’m in there for diapers, Band-Aids, and mascara.

Who’s idea was it to encase toys in turbo-plastic that is capable of cutting you?  And the twistie-ties?  And now tiny rubber bands on all Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops?  Might as well package it with a straitjacket for my trip to the crazy place after I finish opening it.  Thanks Hasbro for the cut on my left index finger, by the way.  Ouch.

If we can put a man on the moon, can someone invent a make-up that won’t melt off my face in the Louisiana summer?

Is there a way to keep all the songs on my iPod the same volume?  It’s like I’m being controlled by a crazy dj who’s volume happy.  When I turn up “Life in a Northern Town” (original of course), because it’s so quiet, I forget I’ve had to turn up the volume and next I’m blown away by “Stand.”  Help, please.

How did the dent on my microwave get there?

When is someone going to invent the at-home do-it-yourself liposuction machine?  I’ve been talking about it for well over a decade and I’m this close to getting my pink Dyson together with a kitchen knife to find out if a Dyson never really loses suction.  Those commercials, man.

That’s all for tonight.  I have to try to go to bed because tomorrow’s the first day of school and I have to get Molly up at 6:15.  Katie has Kindergarten testing at 8:30 and I’ll be lucky if I don’t fall asleep during it. Yes, I’ll be bringing coffee, hope it doesn’t count in that no-drug policy they have.

I’m waiting for glimmer mist and chip board letters to dry and was checking out my friend Hilary’s blog on MySpace, thought this was cute on her’s — so I wrote my anwers out real quick.. Gotta get back to my layout.  Did this really fast & I’m not editing, so here.

1.  Do you still have clothes that belong to your ex? No, the last ex I had was when I was 19. Never had any of their clothes.

2.  Who do you go to when you’re hurting the worst? God

3.  Do you get along better with girls or guys? I get along with all peeps. I have more girl friends, though.

4.  Do you hide your emotions? sometimes

5.  Who was last person you got in an argument with? Scott

6.  Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning? Morning

7.  What do you wish you had right now at this moment? a finished layout for my design team project

8.  What was the last thing you cried about? the possibility of moving

9.   If you could either float on the moon, or snorkel in the ocean, which? neither. Last time I went snorkeling I got a 3^rd degree burn all over my back. The moon’s too far away, I’m a home-body.

10. Do you plan on moving in the next year? Hopefully not

11. What did you do last night? emailed, blogged, searched Twopeasinabucket.com for a long time.

12. Is anyone mad at you? Gosh, I hope not.

13. Third text in your inbox? “call me on the home phone” Anna Bess

14. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Scott

15. Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life? Oh, yes, been told so.

16. Last time you laughed real hard? earlier today when Katie was singing “riding on a unicorn” at the top of her lungs.

17. When is your next road trip? Not sure. It’s usually January to Crop Connection, but we may fly to CHA in Anaheim instead.

18. Do you know anyone addicted to anything? yes, and to borrow a line from Sir Elton, it’s a sad, sad situation and it’s getting more and more absurd. Just hope she straightens herself out.

19. Where is your phone? home phone on my left, celly in the car where I keep it

20. Do you know anyone by the name of Lee? Aunt Suzan’s last name is Lee. Sara Lee makes a good dessert.

21. Where are your pets right now? Lucy the Basset is waiting at the back door to come in.

22. What color phone do you have? Red.

23. What do you think of your number 3 on your top friends? what does that mean? You lost me.

24. What is bothering you right now? there’s always something. Right now the glimmer mist I’ve sprayed on Bazzil paper has made it curl and I’m wondering if I should iron it or not, as my iron does not have a setting for scrapbook paper.

25. What did you do today? Went to Target, mopped with my new Shark steam mop, unpacked my car from Scrappin’ on the River, told Andrew to get away from the tv 42 times, scrapbooked, killed some ants in the kitchen, watched Tom & Jerry, blogged, emailed, talked on the phone to 3 of my best buds, looked at the new costume express catalog with the kids, looked for a Glinda the good witch Halloween costume for myself, and found time to take a shower.

26. When is the last time you saw your mother? in July when she came to visit.

27. Do you believe in karma? not in the Eastern Philosophy way, no. Ever read the story of Jacob or Matthew 7:1-2, it’s in there.

28. How many city/towns have you lived in? Shreveport, Ruston, LA; Macon, Duluth, Macon again, & Brunswick in GA; Baytown, TX; FT McMurray, Alberta Canada; Mandeville & Covington, LA. Whew, I think I got them all.

29. Are you a social person? Kind of, not really, sometimes, but not really.

30. What are you doing for your next birthday? turning a year older

31. What would you name your first son and first daughter? Andrew was the son, Molly was the first daughter (Katherine the 2^nd) and that’s it. If we get another dog I’d call her Sadie.

32. What are you listening to? The lovely sounds of my GE Triton XL dishwasher. Jealous?

33. Have you ever been in an ambulance? Thankfully not…

34. What color shirt are you wearing? teal Old Navy v-neck

35. Do you know how to drive a stick shift? Goodness no, I don’t think anyone would want that.

36. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Not since I was a pre-teen

37. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car? Of course. I believe the last song I sang obnoxiously to was the Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, no it was Kanye – “I need ya right now/you know how long I been on ya/Since Prince been on Apylonia/Since OJ had Ice-a-tona’s” – I don’t know why, but I love that song.

38. Last 2 people to text you? Anna Bess & AT&T.

39. How many text messages are in your inbox? I have no idea. I prefer actually talking to people.

He should have gone to Quizno’s.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) – Jacksonville police say Reginald Peterson needs to learn that 911 is not the appropriate place to complain that Subway left the sauce off a spicy Italian sandwich.

Police said the 42-year-old man dialed 911 twice last week so he could have his sub made correctly. The second call was to complain that officers weren’t arriving fast enough.

Subway workers told police Peterson became belligerent and yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store after he left to call police.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.

Peterson did not have a listed phone number.

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Information from: The Florida Times-Union, http://www.jacksonville.com