I'm saying "Don't Carry it All" by The Decemberists is the song of the week. Just fantastic.

 

Infectious or what? This album is amazing. 

I forgot to send cards to the President and former Presidents. This holiday always sneaks up on me. I hope they forgive me as I found this clip from the Disneyworld Hall of Presidents for everyone to enjoy.

 

I was always a fan of President President. 

While in the Walgreens drive-thru this afternoon, I came upon a brilliant idea. I'm going to open a drive-thru drugstore/coffee shop because I almost always want coffee and I frequent the Walgreens for a plethora of items/medications. I'm not a pharmacist, nor am I a barista, but I believe this is a brazillion dollar business idea. If you happen to have a bunch of money you'd like to invest in my idea, send me an email. 

Ask me about my other business ideas. Really, I should start a business start-up think tank. I would put Zuckerberg to shame. Plus, I would conduct all my business meetings in cocktail dresses just for fun. It would be Mad Men 24/7. With less booze. 

Would someone please put Pulp Fiction in chronological order for me? Thanks. 

I read this headline on Huffington Post tonight: Aretha Franklin Gives Up Chitterlings, Pigs' Feet & Ham Hocks. I don't know about you, but I'm with Aretha on this and in support I'm giving up those foods too. At least during Lent.

Oh, I just remembered, I don't do Lent. Darn.

My local Target is remodeling to make way for a bigger grocery section. When I went there on Friday, you would have thought I was in a foreign country — that's how confusing the place is. The good news is now they carry Rotel tomatoes. Hey Aretha — did you give up Rotel dip?

For no reason this afternoon I read the titles of movies on LIfetime.

I am deeply disturbed that there is a perfume called Vulva. Yes, I know what you want to ask. Yes, that's why I'm disturbed. Yes, I know that is gross. And you're welcome that I didn't put the commercial on the blog. You're very welcome.

Mitt Romney's cousin told me I was funny on Twitter, so I have that going for me. 

I wanted to go through the daiquiri drive-thru tonight (yes, we have those in Louisiana), but I thought the drive-thru person might be judgmental because I had Popeye's chicken in the seat next to me and the kids in the minivan. I have anxiety over what the drive-thru people will think of me — this is why medication exists. 

I'll also tell you that when I was in the working world in Atlanta and left work for lunch I hated telling co-workers where I was going because I didn't want to bring anything back for them. I didn't want drive-thru people thinking I was eating for six. I almost always went to Boston Market. Sometimes I only got their creamed spinach and a piece of cornbread. I miss the Boston Market. 

Once in Atlanta the hubs and I were walking into a tiny Mexican restaurant when a van pulled up and unloaded dead goats. It is not a coincidence that I almost always get cheese enchiladas at Mexican restaurants. 

Something is in my eye. More later.

 

Been on this road for years.

Effective immediately are my new blogging hours.

The blog may be closed today, or not, depending on how I feel about this little dog and pony show later.

I love that song.

Seen on Amy Vernon's blog.

Prof. Dr. Hillary and I talk about names all the time. New question — why don't more people (or any people) name their twins after tv shows? Simon and Simon, Cagney  and Lacey, Laverne and Shirley, Will & Grace, or Mork & Mindy. If I would have twins I definitely would have named them Will & Grace. 

I just saw a commercial for the latest "Big Momma" movie. If that crap can get made, I know I can write an Oscar winning screenplay.

While working out of town, the hubs called to say he went to see No Strings Attached and said that Ashton Willis was in it. I said, "Ashton Kutcher or Bruce Willis?" This kind of thing happens all the time.

Does anyone else have that person who texts you, then texts you to ask if you got the text? 

I'm already dreading the Oscars because of the three or four men who will wear black shirts with their tuxes.

People are stupid.

I was sad to hear that Borders is closing. It's my favorite bookstore. I love bookstores and fear that with the advent of the e-reader many more of them will close and there will be nowhere to peruse books and see beautiful book jacket art and go to book signings. That is a sad thought.

Justin Bieber was asked his opinion on abortion in the latest Rolling Stone. He said he doesn't agree with it, then was asked what about in the case of rape. He said "everything happens for a reason." I'm glad I let my Rolling Stone subscription go. 

It's almost spring. 

Online shopping is as frustrating as real shopping when you don't know what size you are. I've looked at size charts, I'm still not sure. It's a shame we can't go by our ages like for children's clothing. That would make things a lot easier. 

You would not believe how much my master bath and bedroom smell like my bubble bath because of my son. You would also not believe how good my son smelled tonight. 

When my daughter had a slumber party a couple of weeks ago, the girls used 5 rolls of toilet paper. They did not roll a house.

I know this is petty, but a friend stole my Facebook status and used it as their own without attributing me. They commented on my status, asking where I "get this stuff from." I replied, "the near empty vessel which is my brain." Yes, it's just a Facebook status, but as someone who has considered herself a writer and who has been plagiarized a few times, it bothers me. I feel it's important to be authentic. 

I need a new kind of organizer/calendar for my computer. 

My left eye is doing the watery thing it does out of nowhere. It's extremely annoying. Watch, it will turn out that I have some weird tear duct thing wrong and I'll have to have a very rare tear duct replacement surgery. That's what's in store for the 0-1-1.

I predict I will also get attacked by one of the birds who built the nest in my mailbox.

I should go to bed.

Tune Bar is my favorite thing on both my Macs. Just thought I would tell y'all that. 

Ingrid Michaelson has a new album coming out and I'm happy about that. I thought I'd share my favorite Ingrid song, "Giving Up," with you because I'm a giver. 

 

 

 

These are not necessarily purely Valentine's day thoughts, but it is Valentine's day. For anyone wondering, I will leave this post up on my computer all day, write something when I think of it and come back to it whenever I feel like it and hit "publish." It's random, kind of like me.

I've decided to join Salt n Pepa since Spinderella left the group. I'm going to be Paprika.

Then I'm going to launch my own line of spices. Don't even try to steal that idea, bitches.

I'm also going to start my own line of lingerie/sleepwear/loungewear that doesn't have any purple in it. I need an investor and a business manager, because clearly I'm the creative mind behind everything and I can't do everything for goodness sakes. 

What could I call my lingerie line? 

As some of my friends know, I've had hives several times since the end of last week. I haven't eaten anything different, I'm not using different detergent or anything. I'm just a freak.

The girls' bus driver did that thing you do with two fingers up to your eyes then pointed at me that means "I'm watching you" this morning. Am I back in the 'hood? I know someone who isn't getting a "school people that aren't teachers" week gift. 

Just decided I have more street cred than Justin Beiber. 

I couldn't sleep last night. Then when I slept, I dreamed that I was on a subway with a friend, then I was a nurse, then back on the subway, then I was an orchestra conductor. In the conductor part of the dream I was wearing a lady tux with tails and a skirt and my conducting wand broke. Oh, and I had a taco salad in the dream. I need a dream interpreter. 

I don't like the word "dreamt." It looks weird, so I don't use it. 

The grocery store had "personal mini watermelons" last week. This made me think of three things — 1) it's not summer, 2) everything truly is single serving now, and 3) the worst action movie ever would be Watermelon: This Time It's Personal. 

Still no wedding invite from Prince William. 

Until this morning when I read the CNN news online I thought Lady Antebellum was one person and a lady. Country music is not my thing. Remotely. And really — if they are Lady Antebellum and there is a Lady Gaga (gag) then people need to start calling me Duchess Kerry. 

In a Words With Friends game today I played "gruyere." I consider that a win in itself. 

On April Fool's Day I may change my Facebook relationship status to "Kerry is in a relationship with cheese and it's complicated."

For my birthday this year my girlfriends and I are going back to the cabins in Tickfaw State Park. Hear that, nature — I am choosing to spend time in you. Actually, I'll be in an air conditioned cabin where two years ago we were on Michael Jackson Celebrity Death Watch Weekend and I'll bring the Zyrtec.

Stacy, if you're reading this —  bring the margarita machine. It's not a birthday without margaritas. Preferably raspberry. 

Am I the only one who gets on a kick with one particular type of food? I'm on a rice kick. The jambalaya I made yesterday could win a blue ribbon. I love carbs. 

Full disclosure — I need to have Camelia Cafe's bread pudding everyday. I also need to have it magically become zero Weight Watchers points. I had this bread pudding last week and it was divine. Real full disclosure — we also had Bananas Foster cheesecake at the same lunch. It was how I envision Heaven. 

I detest garden gnomes. And garden gazing balls. And most lawn decor. I don't mind a single flag, I have one. But for the love of sod, why must people decorate everything to death? I live in south Louisiana and people are Mardi Gras nuts. Must you hang Mardi Gras ornaments on the tree in your yard, put a wreath on the door, have your fleur de lis flag, mailbox wrapped in purple, green, and gold, AND put a mask on your garden gnome? REALLY? 

Did you know won ton means "cloud swallows"? 

Did you know I know more useless trivia than the average bear? 

Speaking of bears…

I told the hubs about this graphic and how much it made me laugh Saturday night at dinner and he looked at me like "what is wrong with you?" Nothin', just bear stuffs.

I know I have a different sense of humor. It's okay.

 

 

 

 

Elton did it first. Had to be said.

From Kelly Oxford's blog.