Author: Kerry Faler

I collect typewriters in the 21st century. I’m an enigma that way.

342/365: This song is here to keep you strong

As Dear Readers know, I’m a big music person. I post songs on this here space often and I have one for you tonight. I love R.E.M. and I did a series years ago focusing on each of their albums and I had a great time going through them with my musings. That was before podcasts were popular. Well, now there is a fantastic R.E.M. podcast that goes through each album and I love it.

R U Talkin’ R.E.M. Re: Me with Adam Scott and Scott Auckerman (actors and comedians) goes album by album and examines it all. They started with the EP, Chronic Town and I’m ready to start Automatic For the People. The podcast is for fans (after the Adams get through usually 30 minutes of silliness and joking around). Casual fans would probably grow bored pretty quickly of the minutia of B-sides they’ve never heard of, but I love it all. The Adams discuss when they first heard this song or that song. I first remember hearing R.E.M. on Centenary College’s radio station when I was 12 when Reckoning was released. That was the first time I fell in love.

Today I finished the episode covering Green, and I have to say, it is my favorite of what I’d call the mainstream albums, when people outside of a couple of people I knew had heard of the band.

So tonight, here’s the 11th (and last) song on Green, “Untitled.” I thought about last night while I wasn’t sleeping. This song gets me and has a place in my heart. Here it is. Lyrics below.

This world is big (this world is big) and so awake (and so awake)
I stayed up late (I stayed up late) to hear your voice
This light is here (this light is here) to keep you warm (to keep you warm)
This song is here (this song is here) to keep you strong

I made a list of things to say
But all I really want to say (but all I want)
All I really want to say is (that’s all I want)
Hold her (I wrote a list of things to say)
And keep him strong (to say)
While I’m away from here (that’s all I want)
Hold her and keep her strong (this world is big and so awake)
While I’m away from here (to hear your voice)
Hold her and keep him strong (this light is here to keep you warm)
While I’m away from here (this song is here to keep you strong)

I’ve seen the world
And so, awake and stay up late to hear me sing (keep him strong)
Just hold her
I’ve seen the world
And so, awake and stay up late to hear me sing (keep him strong)
Just hold him
Hold her and keep her strong (I’ve seen the world and stayed up late)
While I’m away from here (to hear you sing)
And hold him (I’ve seen the world and so awake)
And keep him strong (so stay up late)
While I’m away from here

341/365: Gift Guide #13

This art print isn’t for everyone, maybe no one, unless you don’t have family or friends who come over. Maybe something for the inside door of a closet. As a teenager I had two art pieces I’d done taped to the inside of my closet door for some reason. They were nothing like this.

This describes my year. Yep. I haven’t had a great year. Close friends and fam know the trials.

In short, the husband’s department where he worked was shuttered and it was six months before he was hired for what they call in his industry, a turnaround, which was for three months. Now it’s back to the drawing board, or rather, the computer and phone. And that’s kind of crazy. Otherwise, the family is fine. My migraines have been bad. Bad year for migraines. I don’t know when this became my year update (which I’ve never written before), but hell, whatev. My stupid knee keeps being a joint I’d like to return if that were possible. My doctor has said heels are out of the questions, so no one has a better collection of flats that this girl. But my hair is great and I can’t really ask for more, can I? My kids are great. Lots of music and art in this house. I love it. And I have new fantastic glasses. Have I shown you people? I’ll post the photo. It’s my Facebook photo and a pretty good selfie, so there you go.

That’s why I look like for those of you new to the blog. Welcome. I have a temper, I’m creative, and I curse a good bit. Pull up a chair, I have peppermint mocha iced coffee, go ahead and read.

339/365: happy holidays

Yes, I say “holidays,” because I’m crazy like that and understand that Christmas isn’t the ONLY holiday being celebrated this time of year.

Oh, and I addressed my Christmas cards tonight and I thought to myself:

Shut up, I know it’s mean. But it’s my blog and you can be less offensive on your blog.

337/365: Gift guide #11

This is a gift for the pizza lover in your life. You know the one. They always suggest pizza for dinner. They order it. They eat it leftover for breakfast. This gift is for THAT person.

It’s Forever Pizza.

Forever Pizza is a real piece of pizza encased in resin.

From the site:

Wait, but like what is it? 

It’s real pizza

[encased in acrlic]

forever.

The pizza is from my family’s pizzeria, Pizza By Alex in Biddeford, Maine. My dad cooked the pizza.

Each Forever Slice is unique, just like you.

And no, you cannot eat it. EVER. (again, just like you!)

336/365: Gift Guide #10

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Kerry, no one I know needs anything on this ridiculous list” and you’d be right. BUT everyone doesn’t need this Counterfeit Mailbag! J. Peterman, you never disappoint.

Holy shit, y’all — it’s on sale! Get 7!

This is straight from the page. You know it is — I don’t write that well.

STORY.

The Counterfeit Mailbag.

The secret thoughts of an entire country were carried in leather bags exactly like this one. Except this one, a copy, isn’t under lock and key in a museum. It’s for sale.

I borrowed the original from a friend, a retired mailman who, like thousands before him, was kind enough to test it out on the tree-lined streets of small towns everywhere. Before we were born.

It’s simply perfect as a device for carrying important ideas and feelings back and forth. And the same as with those old and scarce and beautiful mailbags, people will look forward to seeing what you’ve got inside.

The Counterfeit Mailbag (No. 1005). Containing one vast unzippered pocket and another zippered. Shoulder strap and handle. Strong, soft leather that will only get better. Imported.Color: Brown.

How to take care of the Mailbag: The first scratch will kill you, but in fact, it’s the first step in the right direction: patina.

So the sooner it gets scratched, nicked, bumped, dug, hit, squeezed, dropped, bent, folded, and rained on, the better. Really.

When you receive your mailbag, it’s so fiercely new looking I’m almost ashamed of it. But there’s no choice. It would cost too much to pre-age each mailbag before sending it out to a customer. (Antiques cost more than new, for a reason.)

Here’s my recipe for “accelerating” the aging process. First, spend one day (the day you get it) the way it is. Brand new. Then, the next day, scratch it all over with your fingernails. Lightly. This will horrify you, at first. Then, spray-mist it with plain water, lightly. Let it dry. The scratches will lose their rawness. They will look old. Repeat this treatment as often as you can stand to; once a week for 5 weeks. Then once a year. (Clean mailbag with plain water only. Not petrochemicals, not oils, not detergents, not mystery solvents, not leather “cremes.” It will do just fine with plain water and will outlast both of us.)

The secret thoughts of an entire country were carried in leather bags exactly like this one. Except this one, a copy, isn’t under lock and key in a museum. It’s for sale.

I borrowed the original from a friend, a retired mailman who, like thousands before him, was kind enough to test it out on the tree-lined streets of small towns everywhere. Before we were born.

It’s simply perfect as a device for carrying important ideas and feelings back and forth. And the same as with those old and scarce and beautiful mailbags, people will look forward to seeing what you’ve got inside.

The Counterfeit Mailbag (No. 1005). Containing one vast unzippered pocket and another zippered. Shoulder strap and handle. Strong, soft leather that will only get better. Imported.Color: Brown.

How to take care of the Mailbag: The first scratch will kill you, but in fact, it’s the first step in the right direction: patina.

So the sooner it gets scratched, nicked, bumped, dug, hit, squeezed, dropped, bent, folded, and rained on, the better. Really.

When you receive your mailbag, it’s so fiercely new looking I’m almost ashamed of it. But there’s no choice. It would cost too much to pre-age each mailbag before sending it out to a customer. (Antiques cost more than new, for a reason.)

Here’s my recipe for “accelerating” the aging process. First, spend one day (the day you get it) the way it is. Brand new. Then, the next day, scratch it all over with your fingernails. Lightly. This will horrify you, at first. Then, spray-mist it with plain water, lightly. Let it dry. The scratches will lose their rawness. They will look old. Repeat this treatment as often as you can stand to; once a week for 5 weeks. Then once a year. (Clean mailbag with plain water only. Not petrochemicals, not oils, not detergents, not mystery solvents, not leather “cremes.” It will do just fine with plain water and will outlast both of us.)

334/365: Gift Guide #9

For anyone with good taste and good money, the J. Peterman Co. is for you. Not only were they featured/mocked on Seinfeld, the have some of the best nonsensical things one can buy.

Except for this hat. I need it

This is the actual page description.

STORY 

Gelato for Your Head.

To clarify, this hat will not make your head cold and creamy. More like warm and toasty (hint: it’s the Italian wool-blend). However, the synapse-firing glee it creates will remind you of the excitement of gazing at that glass window filled with rich swirls and colors, each one a doorway into a different universe of fun. Yes, I scream, you scream, we all scream… for Italian ice cream.

Gelato Hat (No. 5881). Scientifically proven to make you as happy as a double-scoop.

Italian wool-blend fabric in a rich and earthy array of color. Wire around brim edge for molding. Black grosgrain ribbon bow at back.Made in Italy.

I love you, J. Peterman. Never change.