I have opinions on this. My tree has white lights and very colorful ornaments. That's the way I think it should be. I do love mulitcolored lights on a very simple tree, but never all one-color lights. I think it's weird when people have lights that are all blue or all red or something. Likewise when people put those on their houses. Why do people do that? I've seen a house with orange lights before. What holiday is that supposed to be celebrating? Orange is not a Christmas color. 

So, today I had my hair dyed fluorescent orange.

Of course I've been to a Christmas parade. Hell, I've been to a Christmas boat parade. Oh, and my husband drove Santa in VW Beetle a few years ago. Impressive, no?

I believed in Santa until I was 10. I didn't want to give up the hope that he was real. My younger sister stopped believing before I did. Honestly, I don't think believing in Santa is such a bad thing. There are horrible things in the world, there always have been. Believing in something good is a wonderful thing.

I don't think I understand the question. I tend to over-think things, but "started Christmas stockings yet" sounds like I was supposed to fill stockings before Christmas. Am I doing it wrong? "Santa" fills our stockings on Christmas Eve, like he's supposed to do. 

Our mantle with stockings. The kids' stockings are in the middle. I think I need taller things on my mantle.

The other night I dreamed I was on the Today Show doing a cooking segment and they asked me to stay for the next segment. The next segment was with a real lion. The lion wanted to eat me because I smelled like food from the cooking segment.

Have you ever woken up with Neil Diamond's "Turn on Your Heart Light" in my head, but with Bob Dylan's voice. It's better that way.

Sonic now has eggnog shakes.

Yesterday I went to lunch with a good friend. While we were laughing about something my hubs did, another friend of mine tapped on the window we were seated by. She was sitting two feet away from me on the other side of the glass having lunch on the patio. We tried to talk for a minute throught the glass, like visiting prison, but without the phone. Full disclosure: I have never visited anyone in prison, but it's not because I haven't had the opportunity. 

I still have not bought a tablecloth. I almost bought a tablecloth yesterday, but I was distracted by a man in Target pretending to be deaf, soliciting donations. Fortunately, I know fake sign language. If you're going to do fake sign language, don't look like you're Voguing. It's sign language, not a Madonna video. 

I'm pretty sure my hair is looking a little cocker spaniel-ish right now.

The hubs told me I need to make a Christmas list and I can't put things like World Peace and for all the children of the world to hold hands together and sing. 

Once again, none of you jerks nominated me for a CNN Heroes award. 

Have I told y'all lately how much I love Kaluha?

If you've never answered your children with "because science!" when they've asked you a question, then you're not parenting right. 

Also, if you've fallen prey to the Elf on the Shelf scam of buying an elf doll and telling your kids the elf is telling Santa stuff, then let me introduce you to the no-fail system of telling your children you have Santa's cell number and will call him yourself. Your children will believe you.

I think I'll tell the hubs I want a Lexus for Christmas with one of those giant bows on it like in the commercials. Do you think there is a giant bow factory? Do you think Lexus outsources that? I bet they outsource it to some country that doesn't even celebrate Christmas and the workers are like "what the hell? an order for three thousand giant red bows?!" Do you think they make an extra giant blue bow in case anyone gets a Lexus for Hannukah? Let's hear it for Hannukah Lexuses. Lexi? 

At the elementary school on Monday, I overheard a dad sitting behind me at the Christmas program tell his wife that the music teacher looked like a guy from Harry Potter, then he said "and John Cusack." Because I can't help myself, I turned around and said "he doesn't look like Cusack, he looks like Alan Rickman." OH YES I DID. And guess what? I don't care.

 

 

Nope. I don't approve of that foolishness.

 

I have a big artificial tree from a store in Canada called Canadian Tire, which is like a Lowes/Auto Zone, and they did car repairs as well. I want to say they also had boots. We bought the tree when we lived in Fort McMurray in 2002. 

Fact: I love atrificial Christmas trees. I'm allergic to everything and I do not miss having a real tree.

Here's a fun story. Remember the 80s? I like saying "remember the 80s?" Anyway, remember in the 80s when everyone got their trees flocked? It was the fake snow applied to the real tree. Well, my dad decided he could do it himself because he had an air compressor. So, he flocked the flocking tree. Once he'd flocked it, you couldn't see a lick of green on the damn thing and we couldn't hang a single ornament. I was 7 or 8. We couldn't hang an ornament on the over-flocked tree and we had no fireplace. I was a sad kid.

Of course my tree has cupcakes. I have lots of different kind of candy canes, cupcakes, and lollipops on my tree (because I like them) as well as all of the regular ornaments, glittery balls, bells, and handmade ornaments from school. If your tree doesn't have a reindeer made of popcicle sticks, then the terrorists have won.