I found this “are you a good witch or a bad witch” tee at Target today and had to get it, since I’ve always wanted to be Glinda.

We went to the four star Italian restaurant in our hotel, the Crowne Plaza, and this was my dessert. Delish.

I just thought I'd show y'all the orange rumba panties I got from Cacique. Now I know I'm pale, but don't be confused — this is a mannequin.

I am not a people person.  Not really.  People think I am, but it's only that I like a small number of people at a time.  I do not like masses and I have never been one for parties or places where you would find lots of people.  Especially somewhere where I will be forced to talk to anyone or that sort of thing.  Keep the fact you just learned about me in mind while reading the following. 

Yesterday I went to Target alone.  It was the first day all three kids were in school since before spring break and I just wanted spend the day by myself with my thoughts shopping and running errands.  There were several items on my list from all sections of the store and for some reason on practically every aisle I happened be on there was a scattered-looking woman in scrubs.  Now, I can be a little paranoid, so I was starting to think I was being followed by a member of the medical community, so I tried to ignore her.

That tactic worked until I made my way to the checkout.  There were three lines open and each line was three customers deep, so I picked a line.  The woman in scrubs got in line behind me.  Then she started talking.

I might as well have said, "Hello, I'm Kerry: crazy magnet."  For a view into my world, here is the dialogue:

Woman In Scrubs:  I've never had to wait here this long. 

Me:  Yep.

WIS:  Do they have a — a — whadayacallit?

Me:  An express lane?

WIS:  Yeah, do they have an express lane?

Me:  It doesn't appear to be open today.

WIS:  I don't know if I'm gonna make it. 

At this point I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, took a deep breath and knew I would be hearing her life story.

WIS:  I can't miss having my blood checked, I may have to leave my cart here. 

Me: Hmmm.

WIS:  I really shouldn't have put it off.  Do you ever do that, put things off?

It was at this moment I decided to do what I never do in these situations when I have acquired a new BFF in public  — I would be myself.

Me:  Yes, I'm actually a master of procrastination. 

WIS:  Well, I try not to.  Since I've been in remission, I have to get checked regularly. 

Me:  I suppose so. 

WIS (pointing to her chest):  They say you either die with 'em or die getting 'em taken out.  I just wish they could take it out.  Guess I'll die with it. 

Sweet mother of science, what is she talking about?  A pacemaker?   What can you be in remission from that requires a pacemaker? 

Me:  I guess so. 

WIS:  My legs just get so tired. 

Me:  I bet.

WIS:  And now I'll be late to the lab.  Did you see these? 

What?  Mini Funyuns?  Do they even make those?  Should you be eating those with whatever health problems you may or may not have?

Me:  No, I haven't —

WIS:  Doctor says I shouldn't, but I love my snacks.  Knowhadamean?  Ha!

She's laughing.  Hey, don't judge me by the contents of my cart!  The cookies and Goldfish crackers are for the kids and I don't even like pepperoni pizza.  See the Splenda?  That's mine.  Wait, are you saying I'm fat?  Don't make me slap you.

Me:  Um —

WIS:  I've never waited here this long.  I'm going to miss my labs.  If it wasn't for my cats I'd tell my doctor to just take this thing out.  I'm tired of living with it, but I gotta.  The cats like these too.

Funyun-freaking-eating-cats.  Oh hell no.  They're not Mini Funyuns, they're Wasabi Funyuns.  Good grief.  What have I done to deserve this conversation?

Me:  They're probably not good for the cats either. 

WIS:  I want an ICEE.  

Me:  Oh, look, they're opening another line!

The Woman in Scrubs hightailed it to the new checkout line and I looked around to see if I was being punk'd.  This kind of stuff happens to me all the time.  I don't know what it is about me that makes people want to tell me all about their lives in five minutes or less, but it happens almost every time I leave the house.  I must have the kind of face that says "tell me the kookiest thing you can think of."  But I'm anything but that person.  Anyone for Funyuns?

Last Thursday when the girls got off the bus, Katie threw her arms in the air and exclaimed "we're out of school for ten whole days!"   Yippee. 

Remind me before summer vacation starts to start drinking.   I've never liked the taste of alcohol, but I don't like diet Coke either and I drink that sometimes.  I think I'd be a great alcoholic because I don't do anything in moderation and I jump into new hobbies with great tenacity. 

Back to this whole spring break thing.  If you read my last post and you may have guessed it's been crazy PMS week or just psycho crazy Kerry week, whatev.  Not only that, this has also been Kerry gets a stomach bug week — because she doesn't have enough going on and adores living in her bathroom. 

The most endearing thing about my children is that they are all quite affectionate.  This is a lovely trait until I get sick.  The Boy loves to snuggle with me in the afternoon, but this week he has found great pleasure in jumping on me as I lay across our bed.  In the afternoons I often retreat to our bedroom for peace and quiet away from the noisy living room, where the kids play wii and watch tv.  This week has been particularly noisy.

I have grown to hate the following cartoons:  Dora the Explorer, Diego, Spongebob Squarepants (or Bob Bob Pants to Andrew), Little Bear, Miss Spider, and Johnny Test.  My favorite of all cartoons is Tom and Jerry because there is no talking.  There is little to be annoyed with when the characters do not talk.  Last night while Andrew was getting settled down and I put the girls to bed, my mom calls and I answer.  She almost immediately says "who's that?  I hear a man's voice."  She says this because she knew the hubs was in Houston until today.  I said, "oh, that's just my boyfriend Steve.  Steve from Blue's Clues." 

Because of this week I am dreading summer vacation.  I plan to write a summer break manifesto.  Don't worry, I'll share.

So, I’m sitting, waiting for Kim to meet me at Zeas and the extremely tall waiter comes to take my drink order. He’s grinning ear to ear and I’m all “whatevs” and then I look down and see that my bra is totally visible. Nice. At the risk of TMI, I snapped this pic. I’m ever the lady.

Why, yes, I know it has been a while since I've posted anything of relevance, but I've been a little busy.  And yes, I know I owe you a ScrapFest! recap.  And yes, I know things have been happening in the world that I haven't commented on and you're right, I need to get back to the business of blogging.  This is just a note to say I plan to.  There are some things knocking around this brain of mine and as usual, I don't know whether my thoughts are brilliant or outright ridiculous.  I do know there is a fine line between the two when it comes to my thoughts.  I plan to write  something halfway meaningful soon.  I'm feeling as though I need my batteries recharged at the moment.  As for now, here's one of my favorite Ben Folds songs, "Still Fighting It."

EDIT: Oh come on, people!  With as many hits as this blog receives, why have only 8 of y'all voted?  Vote already.

I'm coveting a necklace that I can't decide on, so I need your help, friends and peeps.  I think it's cool, but as usual I can't make up my mind.  That's where you come in — vote on it. 

Here's the necklace (don't be thrown off by the polka-dot scarf).  It's by Miss Ruby Sue on Etsy.com and love it.  It's rosebuds and fringe and funky.  

moar funny pictures

ScrapFest! is all over for now and I plan to get in some quality rest and relaxation before starting to update the site and do anything else for the biz.  Megan and I are some kind of exhausted, battered, and bruised (literally) from the event and I think it was the best yet.  More on that later, now it's time for bed.