In an effort to bring you the latest in Cee-Lo Green everything, here is "F*ck You" in ASL.  

(NSFW, language and sign language)

*whoops — The original embed was set to private, so I replaced it with one that may not be available in all regions.  Sorry 'bout that.

 

Now ain't that some shit?

While I was at the salon today, a guy with old school rocker hair and a ZZ Top-esque goatee came in for a trim. A stylist wearing jeggings had the dude stand to take one whole inch off. It was a hairtastrophe of hair band proportions.

I was reading Mental Floss and they had Lake Superior State University's list of overused words that need to be eradicated from our vocabularies and I couldn't agree more.  

Here is their list:

1. Viral.
2. Epic.
3. Fail.
4. Wow Factor.
5. A-ha Moment.
6. Back story.
7. BFF.
8. Man up.
9. Refudiate.
10. Mama Grizzlies.
11. The American People
12. I’m Just Sayin’
13. Facebook/Google as a verb
14. Live Life to the Fullest

Personally, I loathe all of those except for BFF.  I have a few BFFs and they're not just friends.  Friends who are there for you through the really thick and thin, happy times and rough patches are more than just friends.  I love my friends.  My BFFs have been with me through an awful lot and they know how much I love and appreciate them.  

I would like to add a couple more words to the list:

1. Literally

2. Snooki

3. Brangelina

4. Ya know

5. Saying "the N word" (with quotes and an N).

6. Kardashian

7. Anything Rachael Ray says (EVOO, "sammie," "choup").

8. Housewives

9. Anything ending in -ista

10. Hoarders

 

That's the Kerry list.  I would like to smack people who use those words.  I may start doing that.  As a tweet that Jimmy Fallon read last night said, "I'm going to strangle people who say 'just sayin'' and say 'sorry, just stranglin'."  I love that.  

Why do you tempt me like this, Sonic? Red velvet ice cream with cheesecake bites! Damn you and your delicious food.

I’m in the gynecologist’s waiting room. This place induces anxiety.

The nurse just called a woman’s name – her name is Echo. I wanted to go “Echo–” real soft.

The tv is on The Price is Right. Good grief.

Now in the exam room. My nurse said “good for you, girl” about the weight I’ve lost since last year.

Great. My nurse told me my doc left to go deliver a baby and would be back in 30 minutes. Like Dominoes.

Maybe he will bring back some pizza. I’m getting hungry.

I guess I’m supposed to hang out in the purdy blue gown.

The oldies station is on, “Kerry Ann” is on. My middle name is not Ann.

Thank God for iPhones.

I’m now texting friends about the ridiculousness that is my life.

You know, the only appropriate accessories for a gynecologist appointment are toe rings and anklets.

I’m not mentioning vajayjay piercings because ew.

The iPhone tried to correct vajayjay to “Raja.”

I’m being held hostage. I’m going to sue. Maybe I’ll sue them for making me listen to crappy music.

Really, if I was a spy and a foreign country was trying to get me to divulge secrets, all they would have to do is play bad music and take away my iPhone.

I would be a very bad spy.

I would be a better Bond girl. If Bond liked redheaded chubby girls.

They replaced the chair in here with a new pretty slipper chair, but didn’t paint.

Now it’s “Bang a Gong.”

How long have I been in here? Where’s my pizza?

“Sexual Healing” is on. Appropriate or no for the gynecologist’s office?

This is the most surreal appointment ever.

I woke up with this bruise because I fell asleep with this watch on. What the heck am I doing in my sleep? Rowing? Cheerleading? Jazz hands?

I follow Kanye West on Twitter because his tweets are inspiring.  They're even more inspiring when sung by Josh Groban.  

 

I buy shoes. Cute shoes. While on pain killers.

So, there is a website where you can put any url in and it simulates what the site would look like if you were drunk (or on Percocet).  It's Alcowebizer and of course I tried it with the blog.  I set it to the middle level for blood alcohol and this is what it gave me.

It turns the blog to Comic Sans, adds misspellings, and replaces my images with lolcats.  Oh dear.  How scary is that?  

2011.  Can you believe it? I'm still writing 1999 on my checks.  

I've been writing resolutions on the blog for a few years now and I thought I might as well do it again even though every year I say "why am I doing this?"  So, here goes.

 

1. Burn my Spanx.

2. Not blog while angry.  

3. Okay, not blog while angry on narcotics (often).

4. Okay, not blog while very angry.

6. Eat crunchy foods again.

7. Only go to the hospital to visit people.

8. Get some sort of title like Duchess bestowed on me.

9. Try to sing in the grocery store less.

10. Not take on any design projects for free unless it's for bffs or Alec Baldwin.  Or Clooney.

11. Not go to rehab for anything.

12. Try to reference Stefon more (because it's this thing like where somebody calls Miss Piggy Fat and she goes "hai ya!")

13. Not cry in a doctor's office.

14. Get an invite to Prince William's wedding.  

15. Ask Prince William to give me a title like Duchess.  Duchess Ree Ree would be good.