I think being nice is overrated. Once someone told me how nice I was and I told Frugal Beth about it. Bethy said "nice is not a word I would use to describe you."

True story.

I'm not particularly naughty. Sometimes I'm quite good, I'm just complicated. I have a firey temper and I'm moody. I'm sarcastic. I stopped caring about putting up a nice front a few years ago because it just wasn't me, but I still refer to myself as America's Sweetheart, because frankly, someone has to. 

If Santa brings me coal, I'll know it's because I ate his cookies. 

Why Ruby Tuesday? Because it's a good song and also my birthstone and I like them. And I was born on a Tuesday. For real – look it up on my Wikipedia entry. Full disclosure:  I don't have a Wikipedia entry, but if I did it would say I was born on a Tuesday in July.

Andrew McCarthy was 49 last week. My first celebrity crush is almost 50, y'all. That does not make me old. He is still gorgeous.

The other night I saw an infographic of penis sizes in Europe. Let that sink in for a minute. I didn't realize it was in centimeters and it scared me to death for a minute. Then I thought one would have to have a cavernous vajayjay to accomodate all that. Then I thought Cavernous Vajayjay is the best band name I've ever thought of. 

I want a job with a record company where they pay me to think of band names all day. Is that a job? Don't tell me it's not.

I have the worst paper cut of all time on my right ring finger. There may be a telethon for me, stay tuned.

My Alec Baldwin was kicked off a flight on American Airlines today for "abusive behavior" after being "reamed out" for playing Words With Friends after being told to turn off his phone. This is terrible. My Alec was treated like a terrorist. I tweeted him to stay strong. 

The oldest child asked me to get her a dreidel. She referred to it as "that spinny thing with symbols on it." We're Baptists.

Just tried to change the television channel with the phone.

You know what I don't get? Steam punk. 

 

Vixen. Duh.

My favorite Christmas memory is Christmas 2001. It was my oldest daughter's first Christmas and my Mammaw Patsy's last. My parents were still together and my sister wasn't using drugs. We had a wonderful time at my grandparents' house. 

That was kind of depressing, so here's something that isn't!

 My new favorite Christmas memory is the video below. It is beyond Christmas magic.

 

Where can I get one of those leotards?

Of course we have traditions. 

First, the back in the day traditions. I'm guessing this photo is from 1976. Look at how adorable I was. I got a See and Say that year. Holla.

When I was but a small child, we would go to my great-grandmother's house for Christmas Eve with the extended family. It was a tiny house and my great-grandmother always had a small artificial tree on a table in the living room. My Mammaw Lewis always gave us two dollars for Christmas and our birthdays. The two dollars would be wrapped, in a box, with a note. When I am 80, I will do the same thing. Christmas day was divided between our house and both sets of grandparents. I loved going to my mother's parents' house and loathed my father's. My father's family was all kinds of dysfunctional. Or didn't everyone have an aunt that gave them change in Crown Royal bag for Christmas. Isn't that normal? My dad's parents lived next door to us, so when I was older I would leave well before everyone else. I seldom made an appearance as a teenager.

 

Present Day: we live close to the hubs' family, so no Port City fam to deal with most of the time (yay). On the 23rd the hubs' father's side of the family has a party and the location rotates. This year I am hosting it. I have never hosted the party. Hope they like Rotel dip. Santa comes to the party and listens to what the children would like and the adults get liquored up. It's New Orleans, there is not an occasion for which not to get liquored up. At least no one gives Crown Royal bags of change as gifts. The hubs' grandmother reads "Twas the Night Before Christmas to the kids. I find that enjoyable. 

On Christmas Eve we go to the Christmas service at church and then to my mother-in-law's house. We exchange names for gifts and eat and play games. The kids have a lot of fun. Also on Christmas Eve, I'm usually putting things together to go under the tree and eat the cookies the kids left for Santa while watching an old Christmas movie. Christmas Day is usually for hanging out with the fam. I am all about hanging out. I usually make something wildly delicious like cornish game hens and without fail, the oldest child will ask for a quesodilla or popcorn and I give in because it's Christmas and why not? 

Apple cider is disgusting. Hot chocolate all the way. Hot chocolate is everything apple cider is not: chocolatey, creamy, pairs great with whipped cream or marshmallows, and is available in the frozen variety from PJ's. 

Bonus story: the hubs called me one day from the grocery store parking lot. He thought he bought apple cider, opened it, took a drink, and found it was apple cider vinegar. Gross.

My favorite Christmas movie of the past couple of years has been The Bishop's Wife. It stars Cary Grant as an angel sent from Heaven to help a bishop who is trying to raise the funds to build a cathedral. Of course, he ends up helping in more ways than that and the story is just wonderful. 

Here's one of my favorite scenes, when Grant tells the typewriter to take a sermon.

 

LIKE A DRUNKEN SNOW WHITE.

If you've been reading this blog for the past 37 years, you know that my favorite Christmas song is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."  I love this song because it's timeless and evokes my feelings about the holiday season pretty darn well. I have probably a dozens versions of this song. Here is Coldplay's simple take on it.

 

OMG. Tomorrow's December. Because Quirky Tales and I are insufferable challenge takers, we're doing a 31 Day Christmas (and New Year's) Challenge. I promise to throw in pics and videos for each day because I'm a visual type person like that. 

 

31 Day Christmas Challenge

Day 1: Favorite Christmas song and why
Day 2: Favorite Christmas movie and why
Day 3: Hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
Day 4: Does your family have any traditions?
Day 5: Favorite Christmas memory
Day 6: Who is your favorite reindeer?
Day 7: Have you been naughty or nice this year?
Day 8: What is your favorite food at Christmas time?
Day 9: What are you doing for Christmas this year?
Day 10: Kissing under the mistletoe… have you done it?
Day 11: What kind of Christmas tree do you have?
Day 12: Do you take part in Secret Santa?
Day 13: Have you ever had a white Christmas? 
Day 14: How many Christmas cards do you usually send out? 
Day 15: Have you started Christmas stockings yet?
Day 16: When did you find out Santa wasn’t real?
Day 17: Have you ever been to a Christmas parade?
Day 18: Which lights are better? White or colored? Blinking or still?
Day 19: If you were an elf, what would your name be?
Day 20: What color ornaments do you put on your tree?
Day 21: What kind of tree you have? Fake or real? If real, what type?
Day 22: Do you hang a wreath up?
Day 23: Ham or Turkey?
Day 24: Do you go to a church service or go caroling?
Day 25: Does your family have a Christmas breakfast or dinner?
Day 26: How was your Christmas?
Day 27: Gift you didn't get but really wanted?
Day 28: Best gift you received this year?
Day 29: What did you receive this year that you will be re-gifting?
Day 30: Resolutions for the new year?
Day 31: Plans for New Years' Eve?