The President is still the president. Here's what you need to know.

Beyonce did her best Beyonce wearing giant green earrings and Schumer apparently digs Beyonce.

Bill Clinton digs Kelly Clarkson. He really digs her. 

FLOTUS rolled her eyes at Boehner. He must have said he likes her bangs.

Sasha yawned during her dad's speech. I mean, haven't we all done that during our dad's inauguration speech? 

George Stephanopoulus mistook Bill Russell for Morgan Freeman on national tv.

Justice Scalia wore this hat. It will never beat THIS HAT.

this is Macklemore.

caution to sensitive ears, words.

You know that thing where you have a really crappy month and half and you kinda want to talk about it, but you don't want to talk about it, so you don't blog and then you see something that makes you laugh, so you decide to go back to your blog. Yeah. You know that thing where I write run-on sentences after I come back to blogging. That too.

With that out of the way, this is completely me.

For real.

I'm overwhelmed this month. I have lists like a good girl shopper. I've decorated. I've crafted. I'm practically done with shopping. Then I realized what I was missing.

Back for a second year on the Kerry Blog, it's the Yahs Initiative lip synching to "All I Want for Christmas." I love this so much that I dance to it in my bedroom when getting dressed in December. And sometimes you just gotta spank dat ass while singing.

Somebody let Yoko Ono design men's clothing. Here's what she came up with.

What man doesn't love a mesh shirt with shoulder cut-outs? I'm getting this ensemble for all the men on my Christmas list. Maybe not my dad. Yes, that is a  hand on the crotch. A really big hands. Man hands.

Good news! The crotch hands pants also come in pink. Nothing says sexy like pink crotch hands pants. And pair it with the nipple cut-out tank top because nothing is sexier than man nipples. 

Okay, nothing is sexier than a man nipple bra paired with crotch hands pants? 

Welcome to the part of the blog where I confess things because I feel like after writing this wordapallooza, I feel like I know you people.

I have never been to a gay bar, but I'm pretty sure a gay bar on New Year's is the only place you could wear this outfit. Unless you are Lady Gaga or Ke$ha or Katy Perry, then this is fine for the family Christmas party with the in-laws. Better yet, wear it to the kids' school holiday program.

Remember when I said nothing is sexier than a man nipple bra paired with crotch hands pants? Strike that. Nothing is sexier than a man in a love-handle cut-out blazer and thigh cut-out pants. This is okay with the slender man, but you know the love-handled man will buy it to wear to tailgate in with his "no fat chicks" shirt. 

And Yoko, errrybody knows those are Prince's pants. 

This is a board with bells that says "RING FOR YOUR MOMMY PIECE y.o. 69-12." I do not know what this means. I am not clever enough to get Yoko's wit. Why would one wear bells on the chest? and what is y.o. 69-12? is that 1969-2012? Yoko married John Lennon in 1969 – is that it? If so, by using the dash, is she confirming that John is still alive and on Celebrity Fake Death Island with Elvis and Michael Jackson?  Does she want him to contact her via bells? THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Yoko, let's face it – you had me at mens pink mesh cut-out shirt.

I found something odd. I won't mention the site name, but if you happen to need a body bag, just google.

I saw this on BuzzFeed and laughed so hard I almost wet my pants. Then I realized that Eric Berry is to horses as I am to birds. And that is scary stuff, people. 

Still, it's fun to laugh at the phobias of other people. Eric, if you're reading this (and I know you're not because you're awesome and I'm just some chick who is afraid of birds – come on, have you seen the movie The Birds?), I feel you, man. That is one big horse. And might I add, Go Chiefs.

I feel the need to quote Mr. Berry:

“Aw hell nah, there go that horse. I don’t f*ck with that horse.”

“Hold up, coach, that horse out there. That horse. Oooh, she need to go on ahead with that horse. I don’t fool with no horses, boy. Hell nah.”

Read more: http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2012/11/eric-berry-has-crippling-horse-phobia.html#ixzz2CAO45x7L

Vicky's Secrets has succeeded again in making the Parade of Nations at the Miss Universe Pageant look like a real fashion show with a more diverse clientele. I have to warn you: if you are prone to siesures or are offended by tacky crap hot-glued Project Runway style onto Glamazons with extensions and 6-inch heels, you may want to pass on this post.

For the rest of you, behold the best and worst of the Victoria Secret WTFashion* Show.

Ladies and gentlemen, the tackiest show on Earth!

one big gust of wind and she's gone

finally, lingerie to reflect my Irish heritage

wear this for the man in your life with the pink poodle fetish

Justin Bieber and Erector Set Rainbow Brite

May pole dancer was my minor in college

now reporting from Hurricane Whore

50 Shades of Grey, look out – bring in da knives, bring in da pain

and now in ring #3, Sexy Tiger jumps through hoops of fire

teacher says, "every time a bell rings, an underwear model gets her wings!"

This photo reminded me of something else – the Seasons song from Grease 2. You know the one.

*WTFashion is my word, don't even think of using it.

Sam Sifton was a New York Times restaurant critic and has written a Thanksgiving cookbook – more importantly, he has Thanksgiving rules and I couldn't be happier than he made a video about them. Thanksgiving is easy – don't eff it up with salad. Don't serve weird foods. Have I told y'all about the time we went to a family Thanksgiving and egg drop soup and prime rib was served. It was completely bizarre. Don't do that. Follow the rules.