Nothing says "I's lub yous" like a Booze Boquet.

I have 3 children. I'm a pro at names and I only like traditional old names, not these new-fangled names like Dawson and Xander.

1. Andrew (my 7 year old's name)

2. Patrick

3. Henry

4. Harry

5. Jack

6. Cooper (the only "odd" name I like)

7. William

8. Sam

9. George

10. Ethan

I'm taking this topic to mean "of all time."

1. ER

2. Twin Peaks

3. Seinfeld

4. Mad Men

5. Firefly

6. Arrested Development

7. Breaking Bad

8. Grey's Anatomy

9. 30 Rock

1. Gone With the Wind

2. When Harry Met Sally

3. Love Actually

4. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

5. The Wizard of Oz

6. Star Wars IV-VI

7. Mommie Dearest

8. The Big Lebowski

9. All the President's Men

10. The Philadelphia Story

1. I was a natural redhead until I had children and it turned beige. Now it's red from a bottle because beige is not a hair color.

2. I lost a shoe size last month. I'm now back to an 8.5

3. I can remember song lyrics from almost any song I've ever heard (it's some audio-photographic memory thing), but I cannot do simple math. 

Proof. I still know every word to this song:

 

that's Primitive Radio Gods' "Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth with Money in My Hand." And that's B.B. King who is being sampled. Bet you barely remember this gem from the 90s.

4. I hate birds. I have a bird phobia.

5. I love coffee. I've been drinking coffee since I was 3 years old.

6. I dropped out of college after 3.5 years because I didn't want to become a teacher after all. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

7. I don't go anywhere without lipstick. 

8. I will watch nearly anything on television that is about Bigfoot or the Titanic. Bigfoot on the Titanic would be the Holy Grail of tv shows (get on that, Hollywood). As a good friend said, I am in a weird demographic.

9. I didn't have a driver's license until I was 21. 

10. I'm pretty much exactly who I want to be.

It's February, so Tales of Hilarious and I are doing a challenge. It's Top 10s. Get ready.

Top 10 Challenge

Day 1: 10 facts about yourself
Day 2: 10 favorite movies
Day 3: 10 favorite TV shows
Day 4: 10 favorite baby names for boys
Day 5: 10 favorite baby names for girls
Day 6: 10 favorite foods
Day 7: 10 favorite drinks
Day 8: 10 favorite desserts
Day 9: 10 favorite book series
Day 10: 10 favorite novels
Day 11: 10 favorite actors
Day 12: 10 favorite actresses
Day 13: 10 celebrity crushes
Day 14: 10 favorite bands or singers
Day 15: 10 favorite fictional characters
Day 16: 10 favorite songs at the moment
Day 17: 10 things you wanted to be when you “grew up”
Day 18: 10 things you can’t leave the house without
Day 19: 10 things on your bucket list
Day 20: 10 websites you visit often
Day 21: 10 physical characteristics/personality traits you look for in a partner
Day 22: 10 favorite games
Day 23: 10 things you do when you’re bored
Day 24: 10 things you love about yourself
Day 25: 10 things you wish you could change about yourself
Day 26: 10 regrets
Day 27: 10 wishes
Day 28: 10 places you want to visit

 

Bros, we know you don't know what to get your special lady/someone you stalk for Valentine's Day, so let me be your gift guide this year.

Forget flowers. Personally, I'm allergic to most flowers, and all flowers have one thing in common – they all die. And so there is this gift:

A Unicorn Boquet. 

From the website:

• Roses die, give the magical gift of unicorns!
• Bouquet of 11 plush unicorns in a beautiful wrapping
• Each unicorn is on a "stem" which can be detached
• Bouquet is wrapped in white and purple paper with a light blue bow
• Unicorns have posable legs and can stand, sit, lie down, and brohoof
• Unicorn Dimensions: 3.5" (snout to rump) x 5" (hoof to tip of horn)
• Bouquet Dimensions: approx. 24" x 16"
• Ships in its own box to prevent it being crushed by other items
• Wrapped in clear plastic with purple hearts

You know you want to order this.

Have you noticed that each time you're on Facebook these days the status block asks you how you're doing? It's obnoxious.

I'm expecting the box to read "what up, yo?" any day now. Do you think all this was Zuckerburg's idea? Do you think he was feeling a little ignored and wanted to have the status block ask him questions? It's only a matter of time before the status block turns into Cleverbot and responds to you when you write your status.

"How are you feeling, Kerry?" 

"I'm feeling pretty tired right now."

"Why are you so tired?"

"Because we had a slumber party last night and the girls kept me up."

"You should have slipped them Ambiens."

"No joke, Facebook. I did think of that at some point."

"I was just joking. What kind of parent drugs her daughter's party guests?"

"Dude, I was joking too."

"I don't think so. I think I should report you to CPS."

"Facebook, it was a joke. I would never–"

"Kerry, where are the bodies buried?"

"Whoa, wait a minute–"

"I'll keep your secret, just promise me you'll click on every ad you see on every page on Facebook from now on and no one will ever know."

"Now I know why people can never truly quit Facebook."