Dear Readers, deep breaths. Zone out. Quiet place. Banana pudding. Read. Binge watch. Medication.

Whatever it takes as long as it’s legal (or legal-ish).

I unapologetically love John Mayer’s lyrics. He gets it right more than often and in “Say,” he’s perfect.

“Have no fear for giving in

Have no fear for giving over

You’d better know that in the end

Its better to say too much

Then never say what you need to say again”

That’s the stuff. It’s better to say too much than never say what you need to say again.”

You’ve counted on the Kerry Blog for all of your crazy hat coverage of the Royal Ascot for the past nine years. This year’s theme seemed to be: subtle. You’ll see what I mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heard this the other day and remembered how much I like this song.

I saw this today on the Facebook and it made me laugh hard.

I laughed because as most of you know, I live with mental illness. Bipolar type 2 with Generalized Anxiety is my brand of mental illness. I can laugh because it’s genuinely funny. And not funny from mania, no. Mental illness can be some funny shit. Especially when it’s paired with classical art.

Because I have the best psychiatrist around, Dr. Beardy McBeardyface, I was properly diagnosed and after a few years of trial and error, I’m on a cocktail that is pretty doggone perfect for me. It’s very hard to find the right drug combination, because I don’t have just one thing. Bipolar type 2 is like having two mental illnesses, then I have anxiety, which throws a big wrench into the works. So I’m on a whole pharmacy of stuff. I never really think about it until I have to bring my meds on a trip or today when my almost 13 year old asked, “what are all those for?” I told him. I’ll say this: if you are seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist and you are still not functioning on the level you believe you should be on, talk to your doctor and tell them the truth. Get your meds adjusted, there may be a new medication to try or your regular meds may have stopped working (they do that). Tell your doc. Keep at it until you feel better.

Last month I saw Dr. Beardy McBeardyface. He likes to say I’m his most normal patient. I think that is hilarious. At my last appointment he opened the door to the waiting room, holding my chart, and I looked up. He looked down at the chart and said “trouble” in a low voice and I said “that’s me.” I walked into his office and saw wooden puzzles on the floor in the corner and said “so this is what you’re doing now between patients?” He always asks how I’m doing, how I think my meds are working, and whatnot, then we talk about random things for 20 minutes. His phone went off and I said “hey, man, we’re talking here!” He said, “oh that’s my reminder to play this trivia game.” So, not-so-long-story-short, now I’m playing that trivia app.

This is all to say, I’m doing well. It’s mainly only my anxiety I deal with almost daily, despite being on a couple of things for that. It’s that annoying thing that won’t go away. I live with it. It lives with me. None of the little tricks I’ve learned work for refocusing , the 3-3-3 rule, breathing — none really work for me. Sometimes breathing woks, but maybe one time out of 25 times. But I’m ok. My good friends are also amazing for refocusing.

What works best for me is the dumbest, seeming shallow thing in the world. And this is it: I feel better when put on a little makeup and my favorite red lipstick and wear something cute. It’s the old SNL sketch with Billy Crystal as Fernando: “you look marvelous, darling. It is better to look good than to feel good.” I believe that. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t care. It works. It’s harder to be in a bad mood when you’re wearing a polka dot skirt, sandals with bows, and red lipstick. You know the phrase “dress for the job you want?” Well, dress for the mood you want. The attitude you want.

So, my secret for living with mental illness: a great doc, the right meds, great friends, and red lipstick.

Mental illness is tough. Be tougher.

This is for a couple of friends of mine. My chosen sisters.

We all have one.

Another from Emily McDowell. Visit her site. She does good work.

Darkness is a place I’ve visited and stayed in for long periods. I found the hallway out each time. It you believe you are at a dead end, I assure you there is a hallway to take. If you don’t have someone to talk to call the Suicide Prevention line — 1-800-273-8255. If I can help, I’m a good listener. Email me, leave a comment, I will get back to you. There are tools, free tools, that anyone in the U.S. can access if you are depressed.

Don’t get stuck in the dead end. Find the hallway and keep going. You are special. You have worth. Depression tells you you’re not. But depression is a liar. You are loved.

Current feeling: “Human Beings” by The Wind + The Wave

I have a lot, I should be grateful
But some days I’m so unstable I can’t see
Anything clearly

I don’t even wanna be around me
How can anybody else love me this way
Somehow the bills still get paid
And there’s never not food on the table

I know it ain’t the end all be all
But somehow my band’s still on a label
Good things all around me all the time
But I hardly ever see

I’m tired of feeling all the feelings

Human beings let you down
Human beings let you down

What do you want, shrug my shoulders
Keep losing all composure, I can’t breathe
Please open a window
All the way I let the breeze in

I don’t know what I believe in anymore
Real change is hard
I’ve tried not to freak out
Try not to worry bout the future

I know I’m not alone, everyone feels like a loser
Even with all these
Good things all around me all the time
But I hardly ever see

I’m tired of feeling all the feelings

Human beings let you down
Human beings let you down
Oh, they let you down