From now on when I walk into a room, I'm greeting people with "hello darlings" as Isaac Mizrahi does on The Fashion Show on Bravo.  This show is nothing less than brilliant.  Mizrahi is the mentor of the designer contestants and supermodel/wife of David Bowie, Iman is the host.  

Iman is channeling Joan Collins in her host role.  When Mizrahi said "it looks inexpensive," Iman cut him off and said "you mean CHEAP!"  

I'm scared of her and kind of love her at the same time.  

The first thing I noticed about this show is that designer contestant, Jeffrey, IS the child of Little Richard.  Or Morris Day.  Or both.  

He is FOR REAL wearing open toe boots with pom pons in this picture as well as one fingerless glove.  

Oh yes he is.

He's a little Desperately Seeking Susan meets Purple Rain.  

Jeffrey darling, never change.  

I love a good magazine.  There is something satisfying about sitting down with a magazine and reading it cover to cover in an hour.  Magazines are great for my attention span and I subscribe to several.  I also have an anonymous  magazine subscription benefactor who has gifted me Southern Living, W, and as of last week, Women's Wear Daily.  I'm not sure what I've done to warrant these subscriptions, but they are quite enjoyable. Today while perusing Jezebel.com, I came across what is sure to be the perfect gift for that special person on your list.  

That special person who just happens to be a pole dancer.

Idea #3 Pole Spin Magazine

Now I know what you're thinking: Kerry, this is clearly porn.  Oh, but no.  This is The International Pole Dance Fitness & Lifestyle Magazine.  This is the real deal, people.  I found Jezebel's excerpts exceptional and I learned a lot.  

For instance, I had no idea pole dancers over 40 were called Pole Pumas.  I think it's safe to say I have a new goal four years from now.

Once again, I have found a great gift idea for the interwebs audience.  Stay tuned for Idea #4.  If there are new gifts out there, I will find them.  You can count on me, Pole Puma of 2014.

I enjoy the Gold Peak diet tea. Today I noticed one of the ingredients is Tea Essence. Like idea of tea, the soul of tea. I’m going to bottle the Essence of Kerry. It smells like sequins and tastes like cheesecake dipped in rainbows.

I'm posting randomness today.

The school my children attend has an event called Mom's Moments that I attended before Halloween.  The principal always takes pictures.

Halloween is the only explanation for this picture.

I'm using this for my audition as the Joker's sister in the new Batman movie.  

Let's examine this.  Ghostly white – check. Forced giant smile – check.  Lipstick on teeth – check.  Chipmunk cheeks – check.  Top of bra visible – check.  Holding roll of toilet paper — check.  

And to think I was passed up to model in the Victoria's Secret fashion show (again).

For the past two mornings I’ve woken up to see candy wrappers on my kitchen island. No one in the house will admit to eating the candy and I’ve put the Halloween candy in a high cabinet. I hope I’m not sleepeating because I don’t like Skittles.

There was going to be a post here that I'd been working on for two days and was insightful and witty, but I forgot to save it because I haven't learned from the 20 other times I've done the same thing.

So, instead here are two pictures from the Victoria's Secret fashion (ha) show.

 
Thank goodness for Vicki's Secrets!  Now I know what to wear while baton twirling!  I'm wearing the white chaps/pants right now my Adam Ant half-jacket/boustier, only I didn't feel the need to attach a flowing train to distract from my caboose.  Holla.

Gwyneth Paltrow is guest starring on Glee Tuesday — singing the radio friendly version of Cee-Lo's "F-You" and doing the robot.  I don't think I have to tell you that this is NOT RIGHT.  

Judge for yourself.