the awesomeness that is Sky Mall

Y'all know I love some shopping. 

So, what's a girl today when she's on a plane for a while and forgets her newly purchased magazines, the book she's reading, and anything else she thought she packed to keep her entertained?   Why the Sky Mall catalog, of course!

Are you familiar with Sky Mall?  Sky Mall brings you products you never knew existed, much less need.  At all.  At any time.  I love the Sky Mall catalog.  Where else can you shop for pet products, Lord of the Rings jewelry, hammocks, wine chillers, and bizarre spa items?  Bizarre is putting it nicely.  

I never got into the finger-less gloves.  I'm not sure if that's surprising or not.  I've seen  them in various stores and catalogs and on celebrities that really should know better.  What I  haven't seen are toe-less sock-type things.  Foot gloves?  No idea.  Let's take a look.  

The description says they are for hammertoes.  I don't know what those are.  Melissa sat next to me on the plane and gave me the impression said toes are not desirable, but this toe-less sock thing looks uncomfortable.   I like that the toes are nicely painted.  What attention to detail the photography director for Sky Mall must have.  "No, don't use the model with the ugly hammertoes — get some pedicured tootsies for the Happy Feet toe-less socks!"   

For some reason the Sky Mall people think those of us who travel by plane are quite the afflicted group.  That's the only logic behind all the bizarre health-related products for sale.  For instance, here's the home acupuncture thingamajig.  

I don't know about you, but I'm an American medicine kind of girl.  I'm not hanging around the acupuncturist's office/batcave.  Call me crazy, but I'm just a little iffy on the whole needles in my skin thing unless I'm getting a shot by a nurse in scrubs who knows my name in a doctor's office with a diploma hanging on the wall from a university in this country.  And I don't mean a correspondence school either.   For realz.

Sky Mall even has something for the hypochondriac in your life.  Or maybe that's you.  I'm just saying.  There's no judging on The Kerry Blog — just love and stuff.  And a maybe a little judging.  So, who cares if you think you have every disease known to man?  Sky Mall cares.  They want you to order this:

 

Note the tag line: A Guide to Self-Diagnosis for Hypochondriacs.  And all this time I thought that was called WebMD.  I would buy this for a couple of people I know, but I wouldn't want to encourage the crazy. 

Speaking of crazy.  

I'm all about comfort, but damn.  When I was pregnant with Katie I had an extremely hard time getting comfortable at night and found a maternity pillow shaped like candy cane that allowed me to get some sleep.  I loved that pillow.  After Katie was born the pillow and I parted ways.  There is nothing wrong with having a comfy pillow, even if it's shaped like a U.  But sleeping with the long stem rose is just plain weird.  And rose petals stain. 

When it comes to sleeping, people have all kinds of weird quirks, don't they?  I have to have complete darkness, my sound machine, 4 pillows, the ceiling fan on, and my bedroom has to be nice and cool — I'd have the thermostat at 60 if the hubs didn't freeze to death.  So, yeah, I'm kind of high maintenance in the sleep department, but not on planes.  I've never been able to sleep on planes.  But I never had this either:

Seriously?  It's an inflatable pillow for your face.  Mr.  Mustache here needs his beauty rest, so he brings his teal velour  pillow onboard, spends an hour blowing it up and annoying the people next to him, then has a nice restful nap, just in time for the announcement to put your tray tables in their upright position and wake the hell up.  

Don't tell me the pillow is a good idea or it's practical or convienent, because I'm not buying it.  In fact, I'm not buying any of these either:

 

Why so many solutions for the common litter box?  Is there some kind of litter box crisis going on in America that I'm not privy to since our cat ran away?  Are cat owners rebeling?  Do today's cats have needs beyond Tidy Cat Crystals and a scooper?  Damn right they do.  Cats today need a concealed litter box or one that looks like the space ship from Mork & Mindy.  

But maybe you're not a cat owner and you're on a plane shopping for something unique.  Maybe you've been thinking about taking the pink flamingos out of the front yard and tossing the garden gnomes in favor of something more edgy.  You could go with either of these bad boys:

You couldn't go wrong with either monster.  Personally, I would purchase both and put the zombie coming out of the ground to the side of Bigfoot as if Bigfoot isn't watching where he's going and is going to step on him.  I have a couple of friends with birthdays coming up and I think these would be just perfect.  They would also make a great housewarming gift.  If you order these for a housewarming, have it delivered to your house, then under the cover of night go set them up on your friends' lawn so they can be surprised in the morning.  Nothing says "welcome to the neighborhood" like a couple of monsters on the lawn. 

Depending on how you look at it, this is either the best or the worst of the Sky Mall catalog.  It's one of those "is the glass half empty or half full" things.