Christmas shopping guide: idea #7 — calling all last minute shoppers

For those of you paying attention (there will be a quiz later), I wrote two Christmas Shopping Guide #5 editions, so this is technically number 7.  I never said I could count.  Gosh.

So, on the way back from Pearl River tonight,  Megan and I came to a full stop on I-12 before the Slidell mall exit.  Eventually we saw that there was a big wreck, glass and junk all over the road.  The cause of the accident?  Weekend Before Christmasitis.  People are flocking to the malls in droves.  Not only is it inadvisable to go to the mall this weekend, it has been proven to be downright dangerous.  We here at the Kerry Blog are here to help.  Don’t go near the mall, instead go to Walgreens.

First, some history.  When I was much younger and slightly less sarcastic and cynical, my family would make the trek all the way next door to my grandmother’s house on Christmas in the late afternoon (after visiting my mother’s side of the family i.e. the sane side).  Not only could I expect one of my aunts to get get drunk on Crown Royal and ask someone to drive her to the liqour store, but it was also the time to see what my grandmother bought us the night before from K & B (when K & B Drugs still existed).  My grandmother (who, by the way, gave all 3 of her daughters the middle name Ann) was not what you would call a planner.  She was lucky if she remembered all of our names, much less bought Christmas gifts.

  The highlight of the evening (besides when my aunt would announce that no one in the family ever really loved her and passed out — once in her car in the driveway) was opening gifts from my grandmother.  The most interesting gift I remember getting from my grandmother (aka Mammaw Nextdoor) was a baby blue nightshirt in a matching drawstring bag.  All 6 granddaughters got one, I was about 8.  I believe it was also packaged with a roll of Lifesavers and no, they weren’t wrapped.  In case you’re wondering, the most memorable gift I ever received from my alchoholic aunt was loose change packaged in a lovely purple Crown Royal bag, it was all kinds of inappropriate. 

What is the moral of this story, you ask?  Well, besides that it’s not a good idea to give kids money in a bag that once contained the very substance you’re wasted on, anyway.  The moral of this story is that shopping at drugstores is a great alternative to the mall.

The drugstore for Christmas shopping?  Hell yeah.  What can you get at Walgreens?  A whole lot of awesome, that’s what.  

Let’s say you’ve waited ’til today to start shopping for Christmas for some reason.  Maybe you’ve been working too hard or maybe you’ve just woken up from a month-long coma and need to shop for the whole family.  Drive to your nearest Walgreens, get a cart and go directly to the cosmetics section. Did you know you can get all the brand name fragrances there?  Walgreens has everything from Juicy Couture to Vera Wang (my fave) to Burberry — or Celine Dion and Britney Spears if you prefer.  

Maybe your budget doesn’t allow for perfume.  Maybe your family and friends would love something from the As Seen On TV aisle.  Your sister would love a Ped Egg Pro for $9.99 and a Finishing Touch Lumina lighted hair remover to get rid of that unibrow.  It’s never easy to tell someone that they have neglected their personal appearance.  I find that holidays are the perfect time to let those close to you know these things with a gift.  Nothing says Merry Christmas like a gift bag of deodorant, breath spray and nose hair trimmers. 

I have a lot of crafty friends.  Crafty as in making crafts, not cunning or devious — well, oh, nevermind.  And if I know my friends, they will work on projects or scrapbook no matter the weather, time of day, nothing will stop these women.  Chances are you know someone like this.  Chances are you have someone on your list who will craft all night long ’til the break of dawn — even if the
power is out during a hurricane.  If that should happen (and living where I live, it is likely), a hard-core crafter would need this.  It’s the Craft Lite Cutter.  Yes, it’s a paper trimmer.  Yes, it lights up.  In case you need to scrapbook or cut some sort of paper in the dark — clip coupons, Dear Abby columns from the newspaper, whatever.  Now, it was not until I watched the commercial for this product that I realized cutting paper was was so difficult.   You see, I have been fairly proficient at using scissors since I was 5, a child-prodigy if you will, I had cutting down pat.  As an adult I have become quite adept at using all the various and sundry cutting tools, scissors, kitchen shears, hair cutting shears, nail clippers, several different craft knives, box cutters, cheese graters, glass cutter, pizza wheel, machete — I can cut virtually anything.  Imagine my shock when I saw this commercial. 

I had NO IDEA cutting paper could be such an issue for people.  If I had known this I would have invented this product years ago.  Now, I have no need for this since I have a Masters in cutting paper, but when I first saw the commercial I was across the room from the tv and I thought it was a paper trimmer with a laser.  As a scrapbooker, a paper trimmer with a freakin’ laser would rock.  Clearly, I am a scrapbook rockstar, but damn — I don’t have any lasers!  What’s next?  A fog machine?  Awe yeah.  I’ve long been convinced my friends and I need a tour bus for all of our paraphernalia.  We typically take one vehicle to retreats, packed to the hilt with 4 -5 women, a million bags, snacks, and once — a margarita machine.  I believe our stuff would rival any band’s gear and only one of us can sing.  That would not be me.  We definitely need a tour bus with our laser paper trimmers.  Fiskars has come out with a trimmer which is also a dock for your iPod, fab idea.  If it only had lasers and a fog machine… damn, that would rule.  I would get one with flames painted on the sides and it would look way cooler than this — 

Because although it is my favorite color, even though it would play my tunes, it doesn’t exactly say scrapbook rockstar, does it now?  That’s what I thought.  Butterflies?  Surely you jest.  Butterflies are for little girls and Mariah Carey.  You can’t get the Fiskars Rock Paper Trimmer (that’s the real name, I know it sounds like something I would make up, but I can’t take the credit) at Walgreens.  You may purchase it scrapbook.com for a mere $80 and it plays your iPod; the Craft Lite Cutter is $60 cheaper at Walgreens, but it only has a light.  Sadly, there isn’t a paper trimmer with both features, but as the Rolling Stones sang, you can’t always get what you want. 

If it’s stocking stuffers you’re looking for on Christmas Eve, I suggest hitting Walgreens for batteries.  Trust me, as a mom of three, there are things I have learned — you need batteries.  “Oh, but Kerry, I already bought batteries –” the hell you say, get yourself to Walgreens and buy some AA, AAA, C, and D batteries.  There are few things worse than opening presents Christmas morning and finding some of those toys require batteries and you thought you bought batteries.  While you’re at it, get some wire cutters, too.  Exactly when did all toys come packaged with 4000 twistie-ties?  My oldest child was born in 2001, at the beginning of the Era of Twistie-Ties.  For those of you who had your first children after 2001, toys used to come in boxes and you could just open them and take out the toys.  Now toys are packaged in a box, in clear plastic that must be cut open with a machete, tied down with twistie-ties and hell, if it’s a Barbie, her hair is sewn to the carboard, and you must free her as if she were a POW being held in Barbie prison.  

So, got your list ready?  Batteries, wire cutters, Ped Egg, Finishing Touch Lumina, Perfume, and the Craft Lite Cutter.  It’s the weekend before Christmas, don’t say I didn’t warn you.