This afternoon I was leaving my subdivision to meet Megan for a ScrapFest! meeting at PJ’s (our corporate office headquarters) and I saw the lawn ornament that I’m pretty sure will stalk my dreams. No visions of sugarplums here, just ostentatious Christmas decorations.
Before I get into that, I’ll fill you in on the progress of planning ScrapFest! in March. Meg and I made a bunch of decisions, but the most pressing matter at this time was planning our company Christmas party. Really, we did a lot of planning and scheming, we are nothing if not workhorses for the man — which in this case is ourselves, I suppose. Anyway, the ScrapFest company Christmas party will be a big shindig this year — of course it will be catered and have an open bar, live music, ice sculpture of Michelangelo with eggnog flowing, photographer, a Santa, reindeer to feed, bags of swag, and we will draw names for gifts. I wish I could invite all of my readers, but unfortunately it is a company Christmas party. When Megan realizes she and I are the company, she may cancel the party, so don’t tell her ’cause I really love eggnog and swag.
Back to my major holiday pet peeve: y’all won’t belive what the owners of the house from my previous video put up today. I’ll let the new video speak for itself.
Did you see it? Okay, first of all, do the people really think they need any more crap on their lawn? I think not. Second, where do you even buy a Santa/reindeer teeter-totter? And B, why would anyone make that? I know, I know — capitalism and profit, but really, the Christmas lawn decorations are out of control. Please for the love of eggnog, stop it.
Now, I hate the obnoxious lawn decor, and I’m almost to the “if you can’t beat them join them” philosophy, but I won’t break that easily, peeps. It’s going to take a lot more for me to fight them at their own game. I’m not above going out under the cover of night and removing and hiding (notice I did not say steal, because that would be wrong) all of the inflatable lawn decorations. I may even fashion dresses out of them for my portfolio for the next season of Project Runway, we shall see. If I do result to fighting fire with fire, I will seek out these:
and no, we are not Jewish, but Jesus was and I think He would approve. I think they will look great on my lawn. Oh, and the neighbors will be so jealous, they may put up Kwanzaa decorations. I really wouldn’t doubt it.
kerryfaler.blog 
I’ll get you a Hanukkah rubber ducky from World Market to go with your new decor (no kidding, a rubber ducky with a prayer shawl and a yarmulke). Check it out next time you’re there!
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Jenn, do I need to remind you of the time my MIL ran out of Christmas wrapping paper and wrapped our gifts in Hanukkah paper? Since then I’ve given her my left over paper every year. I think I’ll get her the ducky for a reminder.
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There is this one house in my Mom’s neighborhood that looks like the Ghost of Christmas Tacky threw up on it! Amongst the nativity scenes, Santas, and various blow-ups, there is a (drumroll please)…a Christmas Ferris Wheel. I think it would look spectacular next to your neighbor’s see-saw. Perhaps you can go pick one up and stealthily place it in their yard one night? Eh, they probably wouldn’t notice it for all the other crap. Anywheel, I think I’ll take a pic and send it to you to post. Maybe you can host a contest of Christmas Tacky? (P.S. Do you like I have stolen your literary narrative of the any(insert random word)? I likes it and I’s gonna keeps it.
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Another thought — don’t the holiday blow-ups remind you of other types of unsavory blow-ups? Ya know, the ones in the back ads of various men’s magazines, not that I’d know that or anything. Anyway, for the obnoxious folks who have, like, seven Christmas blow-up in the yard, I have SO wanted to order a Big Busted Bella Love Doll and place it amongst the Santas and snow globes. It’s be hilarious, really! I’d even put a Santa hat on her!
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oh, Molly, feel free to steal my use of “any-“. I started that many a year ago. Anywheel was a good one, I like it. It’s fun to use it in everyday conversations and see if people notice. Try it on Will at dinner or something. I’s likes to throw it in for flava, like Tabasco sauce.
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I am so going to The Dance Box — the Mandeville store for all your unsavory needs and getting a blow-up doll for my neighbor’s yard. They probably have Santa hats, too. Molly, how do know about the backs of men’s magazines? Just wondering.
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Hey you two-there’s the blow-up carousel to go with all these other amusement park rides. But the house last year that had the 20 ft blow up Santa (no lie-it was as tall as their house), now has replaced gi-normous Santa with Humpty Dumpty Blow Up Santa. Not sure if it’s Humpty, or Santa or did Santa eat Humpty…I’ll definitely have to submit that one.
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OMG!!!!ok so now we both know Christmas just wouldn’t be christmas without this person’s decor! I seem to remember them adding more and more last year! Oh and I put a donation in their fund to buy even more this year!
I can’t stop laughing b/c you aren’t the only one in the neighborhood to complain about it! One of my best friends lives in the neighborhood and well lets face it, has the pleasure of driving by it daily as well!
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Ok, I live a couple of houses down from you and have thought daily about “removing” all of the Christmas decor during the wee hours of the night. It doesn’t help when you are trying to sell your home with this being the first house in the neighborhood:) Uugh, it is funny that they find this appealing. I must admit though, that my 2 year old thinks it is the best thing ever!
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Heidi & Sarah, I knew I wasn’t the only one. Seriously, something has to be done. I’m thinking a dart gun for the inflatables. That house has too much Christmas spirit and we’re just the chicks to deflate that spirit.
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Kerry-
I can see you, Heidi and Sarah going out in camo (with your faces painted of course) in the dark of night (well in the dark of street lights) and using blow dart guns! Cue Marlin Perkins on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, “And now we spot a trio of females spotting their prey…..”
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I’m so getting Marlin Perkins to narrate my next video blog. Is he still alive? What kind of camo does one wear at night to hunt inflatable Christmas decorations? I’m thinking a Santa suit would be appropriate.
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I would say go as a reindeer but it is huntin season you know…..ooo-what about a penguin? They’re black (and white) and for whatever reason now they are considered Christmas decor….
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I have a neighbor who will go nameless (basically because I can never remember their names) who just picked up their deflated pumpkin thingy from halloween yesterday. Its been dead on the lawn since 10/31 at 10 pm. It has since been replaced with the ugliest statues of Mr/Mrs claus and some ugly ass little kid. Most days, the trio gets blown over and they look like they were caught in a drive by. I mean, why bother. I am SO going to dress in black, take their fugly triplets and put them on someone else’s porch and see what happens!!!!
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Hee, hee! I have dartguns in hand!!!!
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