holiday pet peeves: edition 2

Y'all know I'm nothing if not dedicated to telling the truth here on the Kerry blog, 'cause gosh darn it, someone has to.  I'm not sure if it's out in full force in your neighborhood yet, but in my 'hood it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, a really gaudy Christmas.  Scroll down for the video and let's have a look at the evidence, shall we? 

People, I know I'm fairly judgmental; I am jaded when it comes to a lot of things and Christmas decor is one of them.  I know, I know, it's not keeping anyone up at night and I'm sure Obama isn't being briefed on the 7 foot inflatable snow globes and the threat they pose to national security.  But really, something has to be done about these lawn decorations.  I can't take it anymore. 

It all started with those hand-painted wooden things in yards, then the plastic light-up Santas, snowmen, and nativities.  Now it's "let's see how much crap we can fit on the lawn."  This behavior didn't bother me until we lived in Brunswick, GA.  We went home to Mandeville for Thanksgiving and when we returned a couple of days later our neighbors had been passing 'round the crack pipe and were putting up every damn thing you could possibly imagine on their lawns.  I am not making this up:  the best house had a Santa alien in a sleigh being pulled by eight pink flamingos.  For realz.  Scott will back me up on this one.  I had a pic, but I don't know where it is now. It was awesome.  Every other house in the subdivision was decorated to the hilt with fake ice skating rinks with fake skaters and everything else you could think of and more.  I only put out a wreath, it was like the Grinch's house.

But my current subdivision is wild.  The house from the video is first on my list when I'm appointed Minister of Good Taste in the next administration.  I simply cannot take it..  Readers, if you have a Santa on your lawn, there really is no need for a snowman Santa, Mickey Santa, Tigger Santa, Pooh Santa, and whatever other Santa Walmart carries.  Likewise with the nativity set.  If Jesus were to come back this Christmas and for some reason came over to your house and saw his family — I usually call nativity sets "Baby Jesus and his family" — out on your lawn with some sheep, a snowman, Santa, and two inflatable penguins on ice skates holding some mistletoe with lights set to Maheim freakin' Steamroller playing, well, I'm pretty sure He can revoke your get into Heaven pass.  That's in the Bible, somewhere around Acts, as in "if you Acts like a fool and put up tacky lawn decorations at the anniversary of the birth of your savior, your name will be crossed out of the Book of Life."  I'm no theologian, but I know my way around the Bible.  I think I remember that from Sunday school or a Christmas pageant I was in when I was a kid.  I was once kicked out of a Christmas pageant at church because I was always late to practice, I was 8 or 9.  I failed to see how that was my fault.  Anyway, that's my Christmas pet peeve of the day.  I'm sure there will be more.