this is where I put my foot down

Word on the street is our Beyonce (aka Sasha Fierce) is begging to be the next Wonder Woman in the film currently in pre-production by Warner Brothers. 
 
I think I speak for all of us who grew up with Wonder Woman on television, when I say oh, hell to the no,
Beyonce, you are not Wonder Woman.  This is where I put my foot down.  We simply cannot stand for this, people.  


Do I need to remind you who my friend on the right is?  This is Lynda Carter, the Wonder Woman of my generation.  She was Amazon Princess Diana of Paradise Island and became Wonder Woman on tv from 1975 until I was 5 in 1979.  She had an invisible jet and magic lasso, a boomerang crown and bullet-deflecting bracelets — what I wouldn't give for some of those bracelets!  I've checked Macy's, I can't find them.  And the boots!  Those are crime-fighting boots.  If I had those boots right now, New Orleans would not have the highest crime rate in America.  Well, it would take more than the boots, I'd need the whole costume.  And someone to be my sidekick 'cause I hate fighting crime alone.  You know what I mean.  A girl's gotta have friends.  And an invisible jet wouldn't be bad either. 

Can you see Beyonce in that costume?  No. Plus, Wonder Woman does not sing and Beyonce has sung in the movies she's been in to stop you from noticing what a mediocre actress she is. 

Let's talk about this for a minute.  If you're my age you grew up with Lynda Carter, too.  I did not wear Wonder Woman Underoos in the late 70's for this.  That's right, the Underwear that's fun to wear.  Man, those were awesome!  Do they still make those, 'cause I'm so getting them.  Not for my girls, for me.  Okay, I'll get some for the girls, too.
Anyway, at no time when I was a little girl running around in my Underoos did I think "ooo- I hope when I have kids a big movie studio will make a movie version of Wonder Woman with a singer who thinks she's an actress and has an alter ego!"  No way. 

Have we learned nothing from Catwoman?  Ah, how quick we forget.  Halle Berry is great and all, but she's no Catwoman just like Beyonce's no Wonder Woman.

That's Beyonce in her finest crazy costume. Do you see Wonder Woman?  No, Beyonce is better suited  
play, oh, I don't know, maybe C3PO's love interest in a future Star Wars film.  Or Mr. Roboto's love interest in the Styx reunion tour.  Here's what she had to say on her plans: 

"I would definitely have to keep it right for that
costume. The way that Lynda Carter wore it, she was sooo fine. She was
amazing. I saw her costume at the Met. Her waist was unbelievable. It
was pretty crazy, actually, her proportions. But I love Wonder Woman
and it'd be a dream come true to be that character. It sure would be
handy to have that lasso. To make everybody tell the truth? I need
that. It would come in very handy."

Say wha?  Why does she need the lasso of truth so bad?  Maybe it's because she and hubs Jay-Z won't actually admit they were married a few months ago.  I don't know, I'm just sayin.  I'll check in with y'all later, I have to write a letter to Warner Brothers Studios.