Frugal Beth and I went to Lakeside mall today, mostly to play with makeup at Sephora. I love makeup, always have — and Sephora is the bomb. A sales associate gave Beth a sample of some wrinkle-fighting stuff to Beth, it was $150 and I thought Beth might pass out. Saleslady, you have no idea who you're dealing with. Bethy Beth has never met a penny she hasn't pinched. I bought a bunch of stuff — big surprise.
The shopping was going well, found everything I was looking for and you know that never happens. Then we hit Lane Bryant, the store for curvy women — as the new phrase on the glass entrance says. I looked at dresses, hoping to find something I could buy and not have to order online for the Christmas party. A superfantastic sales person pulled all the dresses that wouldn't be too long for me and showed me to the cool fitting room, the one that's as big as my master bath.
So, I try on the first dress, looked like a potato sack, second dress the same, third dress — potato sack with a bubble bottom, fourth — potato sack with beading at the neckline. Apparently the look for this holiday season is inspired by Mrs. Potato Head. Here's a look at the wall of reject dresses, notice they're all black except for the ugly one that's red, white, and black. I didn't get the memo from LB that if you're a plus-sized woman you should hide in black. It would be different if the dresses were fabulous, but there's nothing like looking like you're hiding in a dowdy black dress.
Nice. Just for fun, I put on my clothes and
checked myself
out in the mirror. This may be
a first and a last on the blog, but here's me in the fitting room. I look like a ghost. I stand with my hand on my hip and a phone in my hand all the time, so that's a natural pose. And you can't see how cute my new Born maryjanes are, but it's difficult to take a picture in a mirror. Sorry for the poor quality, but it's an iPhone, not a real camera. I'm a terrible judge of what I look like, but I looked 10 times better in my clothes than I did in the dresses. Black empire waist top and flared jeans. I watch What Not to Wear, I know how to dress my apple-shaped figure and it's not in potato sacks. I know you can't tell anything about this outfit from the pic, but ask Beth, I looked kinda cute, I think.
Maybe I'm getting more gutsy in mid-thirties — Lord, that's weird to say — but I've had it. I'm only posting the pic to say there are a lot of bigger girls out there with money to spend on decent clothes and we shouldn't have to go to online stores to buy them because there's nothing in the mall. And I was in a great mall, too. I shop online a lot, but it would be nice not to have to. I know all the cute plus-sized stores, Igigi, Torrid, Swak, etc. My beef is with the brick and mortar stores and their selection. For crying out loud, a chubby girl has to go to oldnavy.com to shop because they only have plus sizes online. I know, I'm wearing Old Navy as I'm writing this. And can I just say that I'm 34 and I don't want to look like I should be on the freaking Golden Girls. I can rock just about any outfit out there, but girl can't rock a moomoo, not even on Halloween. For realz, peeps.
I think I'm going to start my own clothing line. Of course I'll need financial backing and someone who can sew because I have two sewing machines in my house and I can't work either one. I got a C in Home Ec, there is no hope for me. I'll let y'all know how the clothing line goes. For now, I've got some great curtains I'm thinking would make one hell of a wrap dress. I can't sew, but I have a hot glue gun and I'm not afraid to use it.
Ok, so I just stumbled on a song and have to share. It's my new theme song as of 3 minutes ago. It's Mika singing "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)" and I think it's fun. Skinny girls can watch it, too. It will be up as soon as I figure out how to post video.
kerryfaler.blog 
Just a local lurker here that feels your pain. I’ve been over LB since I came across a sz 26 orange spandex mini skirt on the rack. Since I have no aspirations to appear on the Jerry Springer show, I went on the prowl and hit the jackpot. Ms. Spratt’s (504) 891-0063 on Magazine is wonderful and the owner, Tia, is just fabulous. Only problem is I have to limit my visits cause I spend a buttload everytime I step in the door. Another shop has opened in the Quarter, haven’t been there yet but looks really promising, http://www.thevoluptuousvixen.com, LOL, don’t let the name fool you, just make sure to call first and double check the hours, both times I’ve tried to stop by, they were closed.
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Verification: yes she did look cute. (Sorry peep – I was even thinking “Hey Kerry looks good today” but then I thought you’d say, “What? What are you trying to say?” – like you mentioned about someone saying something like that the other day, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Oh – and thanks for the world wide notification on my wrinkles. I am in denial and hoping they go away before I realize that I have too many that I can handle.
Hey – let’s go shopping again. How about Macy’s and Dillard’s or the vixen place near the quarter? I can take you to another yat joint for lunch.
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Yeah, Ineed this info as well. And just for your info, Ialways think you look hip and stylish and put together. Unlike me, sweat pant wearing fool. PMS has got me down too.
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Kerry-
If you and Frugal Beth (“Ms. I can make a scrapbook page out of your scraps”)go to the Quarter make sure you go to Maspero’s for lunch.
And since when is anything over a size 14 considered “plus size”?
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i think i just peed on myself. kerry you go with the curtains girl! stitch witchery works wonders.. all you need is an iron! beth, stay frugal baby! i too love sephora but nail polish that costs $18 is out of the box! i can get the same God awful ( i think thats spelled wrong) color at the walgreens for a nickel ninety five. and that video, while having a catchy beat, really gave the big girls a bad rap. What, he couldnt find big girls with rhythm? Not a one of those beotchs’ could dance! and dont tell me that there arent any big girls with rhythm cause i happen to know quite a few! most of them are my relatives. shame on mika.
oh and I hope that whole “she looks good thing today” wasnt me. I told you the other day that you looked cute in your snazzy jeans. and if it was me, i surely didnt mean it that way. what i meant was that you were rockin some high fashion clothes. you know i love ya in a frock, moomoo, even if you wear a workout thong. ok maybe not the thong. workout thongs are scary. and ab, your loungewear rocks. really. i wish old navy would come out with it again. i could use another color. peace out peeps.
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Jenn, some stores now consider 12 and up plus-size. Isn’t that nice?
Mel, I’m sure you can contact Mika about finding some dancers in your fam. I do want that blue corset number one of the chicks was wearing. And, no — ain’t nobody gonna see me in a thong.
I was referring to a family member when I wrote about someone complimenting me. Just didn’t sound genuine and I know when someone is being condescending to me — it’s a gift. And no one tells someone they look really good when they’re eating cake. Please.
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depends on the cake. one time my sister looked really good eating cake at her batchelorette party. it was chocolate. and shaped.
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