Questions

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like I’m living in Bizzarro World right now.  If any of you have answers, please leave them in the Comments below.

Why is the only store in town that carries Dab ‘n Glue (the only item on our school supply list you can’t buy at Target or Walmart) a toy store?  Of course you have to walk past the Webkinz display to get to the school/teacher supply section and since you had to bring your 3 children, you left with Dab ‘n Glue, 3 Webkinz, & a Hello Kitty alarm clock.

Why do Webkinz have such a grip on children?  It’s like stuffed animal crack.

Why do my grandfather’s emails now have a return receipt request on them?

Why don’t teens want to babysit anymore?  When I was a teenager babysitting was easy money.

What is Madonna smoking?  Counting Crows named their 2002 album Hard Candy first.  And what kind of name for a tour is Sticky and Sweet?  That’s stupid.  More like Bitchy and Botox.

Speaking of bitchy…why did McDonalds on HWY 21 choose to put a chick in the drive-thru window with a visible neck tattoo that says “bitch” in big script for me to see while I’m getting the kids ice cream cones?

Why is school starting on a Friday?  Weird.

Why do I get no cell phone reception the minute I pull into the garage?

When did clothes for little girls start looking like prositot wear?  Now, I know I’m a prude, but good Lord, some stuff in the stores is just obscene.

Why does Old Navy only sell their plus sizes online?

Who decided to give the Lohan’s a tv show?

Are Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry the same person?  Google them, it’s spooky.

What is Larry King still doing on tv?

Are a size xl and a size 1x the same size?  These things keep me up at night.

Why are my children obsessed with feminine hygiene products?  Once Molly stuck pads all over our bathroom mirror in Canada; today Andrew opened a box of tampons and took them all out, so the floor looked like the Playtex factory exploded in my bathroom.

Who names feminine products?  Playtex Pearl?  Really, is that the best you could do?

Why can I not get the same L’Oreal lipstick here that I bought in Canada 5 years ago?  I’ve been looking for 5 years and I’m finally giving up.

When did they start putting little video monitors in the drive-thru at the bank?  Now they can come on at anytime and see you and now that’s one less place I can go in the car without makeup.

Why doesn’t Cafe du Monde in Mandeville take debit cards?

Would it kill the garbage guys to close the lid on the can?  At least when it’s raining?

When are we going to get a Super Target?  I love our Target, it’s 4 minutes from my house, but sometimes I’d also like to buy bananas or a bag of salad whlie I’m in there for diapers, Band-Aids, and mascara.

Who’s idea was it to encase toys in turbo-plastic that is capable of cutting you?  And the twistie-ties?  And now tiny rubber bands on all Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops?  Might as well package it with a straitjacket for my trip to the crazy place after I finish opening it.  Thanks Hasbro for the cut on my left index finger, by the way.  Ouch.

If we can put a man on the moon, can someone invent a make-up that won’t melt off my face in the Louisiana summer?

Is there a way to keep all the songs on my iPod the same volume?  It’s like I’m being controlled by a crazy dj who’s volume happy.  When I turn up “Life in a Northern Town” (original of course), because it’s so quiet, I forget I’ve had to turn up the volume and next I’m blown away by “Stand.”  Help, please.

How did the dent on my microwave get there?

When is someone going to invent the at-home do-it-yourself liposuction machine?  I’ve been talking about it for well over a decade and I’m this close to getting my pink Dyson together with a kitchen knife to find out if a Dyson never really loses suction.  Those commercials, man.

That’s all for tonight.  I have to try to go to bed because tomorrow’s the first day of school and I have to get Molly up at 6:15.  Katie has Kindergarten testing at 8:30 and I’ll be lucky if I don’t fall asleep during it. Yes, I’ll be bringing coffee, hope it doesn’t count in that no-drug policy they have.