what the hell Friday

There used to be a regular feature here on The Kerry Blog called What the Hell Friday, that for some reason I'd forgotten about, but today — back by no one's demand — it's What the Hell Friday.

It's a Friday night.  You know what that means: par-tay!  I'm going to watch the documentary Objectified (from the same people that brought you Helvetica, an entire feature-length doc about fonts!) because that's just how happenin' it is around my house.  Look out, it's documentary night!  Woo-hoo!  Don't everyone rush over to join the fun at once, there is limited parking and we'll all have to gather around my laptop to watch.  Oh, it's going to be a night.  You never know, I may get wild later and listen to a podcast!  It might get crazy around here and I may debate friends on Facebook over politics in my pajamas, you never know.  I was going to color my roots, but that would bring a little too much excitement to the party.  I mean, why not spread the fun throughout the weekend? 

Before my wild night gets started, I thought I'd bust out something I came across on The Huffington Post this afternoon, which made me decide to bring back the Friday feature.  It's Handerpants, underpants for your hands.

Yes, it's a real product.  Perhaps intended as a joke, but a real product one can order nonetheless.  They're touted as being ideal for night bloggers.  I think I know what all my blogger friends are getting for Christmas.  Nothing says "merry Christmas" like blogging with underpants on your hands. 

the Kerry blog: now with 80% more randomness

Welcome to my brain today.

Last night I went to bed with a huge sense of relief after finishing my friend's website, ready to dream of rainbows and fluffy kitties and Andrew McCarthy in 1986, but woke up in the middle of a dream where I was having dinner with Jeff Lewis (from Bravo's "Flipping Out") and Anderson Cooper, talking about the balloon boy from Colorado and I'm pretty sure we were at the Red Lobster.  What does that mean?

Balloon boy's name is Falcon.  Who names a kid Falcon?  What are the siblings names?  Eagle and Rooster?  Sparrow and Ruby-throated Warbler?  Finch and Red-breasted Nuthatch?  Poor kids.

If I had a red-haired son I would totally call him Rooster as a nickname.

I made the mistake of going to Best Buy today.  42 people asked if they could help me find something, so I finally said yes and asked where the recordable CDs were.  Chickie insisted on leading the way, I followed.  There were a row of CD-Rs and chickie says, "here are the CD MINUS Rs."  Minus.  I'm thinking if you use those you'll actually subtract part of your music collection from your iTunes. 

No, I didn't correct her. I know the dash means nothing for CDs.  

My garbage company hates me.  Over the past month, they've cracked the front of the can to where it's barely hanging together and today, somehow they garbage men managed to break a wheel off of the can.  If only there was video of my attempt to drag the one-wheeled can back to the garage — it would be a You Tube sensation.  Of course, it would have to be bleeped every other word, but a sensation nonetheless.  

I dropped an entire pitcher of iced tea on the kitchen floor AGAIN tonight.  I have the coordination of a sleepy toddler.  I was going to say "drunk toddler," but that would be wrong.

Our modem is trying to die.  It's been doing this turn off randomly thing for couple of weeks, then last night it wouldn't come back on for 10 minutes.  I called AT&T about the thing today.  Chickie tries to get me to "troubleshoot" it.  I told her I was damn close to shooting the thing with the rifle and she needed to send me another modem.  Chickie verified that we have the extended whatever and says it will be here in 3-5 days.  Welcome to Kerry's troubleshooting — it's not working properly, send me a new one.   I have PMS, you don't want to try me right now.

Pms At Walgreens, I stood in front of the PMS over-the-counter section for at least five minutes trying to remember what I usually buy.  It seems there are many more boxes than before.  Drug companies, I have PMS, I don't need options right now.  I need a box that says "take this now for your cramps so you don't kill someone with a pen in the parking lot."  That's the box for me.

All the ingredients in the PMS medicines are the same, so I don't know why we need 20 to choose from.  I picked Midol.  And M&Ms.  You know, for the extra caffeine in the chocolate.

I saw a commercial tonight for Reese Witherspoon's new perfume.  Do y'all remember way back in the day when the
only celebrity who had a perfume was Elizabeth Taylor?  Am I the only
one disturbed by the fact that we live in a world where anyone can have
a perfume? Avril "I'm so punk!  Look at me, I'm Canadian and I can flip
the bird!" Lavigne and Tim McGraw both have perfumes.  I'm unveiling my
new perfume next week.  It's called Kerrageous and it has all my
favorite scents in one bottle: geranium, sweet pea, honeysuckle, mint,
chocolate chip cookies, and cornbread. And butter.

Mmm…cornbread.

tunes you need Tuesday: Van Morrison

I love the Van Morrison.  I have since I was a kid, when I discovered my parents’ albums (that are now in my possession) which were a treasure trove of musical goodness of Aretha, Otis Redding, and Morrison.   His Band and the Street Choir was my favorite then and I still love it.  Back then it was all about the voice and the sax, but now I appreciate the subtlety of some of the songs, the lyrics, the genius of a singer/songwriter who makes you feel.  And he hails from Ireland.  A soul singer from Ireland.  Sweet.

Here’s a blurb from Morrison’s Wikipedia:

Van Morrison (George Ivan Morrison, OBE, born 31 August 1945 in Belfast, Northern Ireland) is a critically acclaimed[1][2] singer and songwriter with a reputation for being at once stubborn,[3][4] idiosyncratic,[5] and sublime.[6] His live performances at their best are seen as transcendental and inspired;[7][8] while some of his recordings, such as the studio albums Astral Weeks and Moondance, and the live album It’s Too Late to Stop Now, are acclaimed as among the greatest ever made.

Known as “Van the Man” by his fans, Morrison started his
professional career when, as a young teenager in the late 1950s, he
played a variety of instruments, including the guitar, harmonica,
keyboards, and saxophone, in a range of Irish showbands who covered the popular hits of the day, before rising to prominence in the mid-1960s as the lead singer of the gritty Northern Irish R&B band Them with whom he recorded the garage band classic, “Gloria“. His solo career began under the pop-hit oriented guidance of Bert Berns with the release of the hit single “Brown Eyed Girl” in 1967. After Berns’ death, Warner Bros. Records bought out his contract and allowed him several sessions to record Astral Weeks in 1968.[9] Even though this album would gradually garner high praise, it was initially poorly received; however, the next one, Moondance, established Morrison as a major artist,[10]
and throughout the 1970s he built on his reputation with a series of
critically acclaimed albums and live performances. Morrison continues
to record and tour, producing albums and live performances that sell
well and are generally warmly received; sometimes collaborating with
other artists, such as Georgie Fame and The Chieftains. In 2008 he performed Astral Weeks live for the first time since 1968.

You’ve heard “Brown Eyed Girl” and “Gloria” at least a hundred times, so I thought I’d give you some of my favorites.  

“If I Ever Needed Someone” is a beautiful song that I’ve always liked.  It’s a prayer, it’s desperate, it’s honest, and it’s just a magnificent song.  

If I Ever Needed Someone (LP Version) – Van Morrison

Next is “Gypsy Queen.” It’s the only song that I know of that mentions a carburetor.

Gypsy Queen ( LP Version) – Van Morrison

“Into the Mystic” is a definite favorite. It should be required listening for everyone, especially those growing up with the Disneyfication of music these days. The title is perfect and sounds like a book I’d like to read, if it were a book.

Into The Mystic – VAN MORRISON

Next is an odd one. “Crazy Face” has lyrics that sound like something you would dream.

All the people were waiting for Crazy Face
He said he’d meet them at his favourite place
Dressed in black satin, white linen and lace
With his head held high and a smile on his face
And he said:
‘Ladies and gentlemen, the prince is late’
As he stood outside the church-yard gate
And polished up on his .38
And said:
‘I got it from Jesse James’

See? I told you. It reminds me a lot of Counting Crows lyrics. You know I love that.

Crazy Face (LP Version) – Van Morrison

Finally, because I know it’s bound to be a sad fact that many of you have never heard the man sing the original, here’s “Wild Night.”

Wild Night – Van Morrison