I'm kind of obsessed with Rupaul's Drag Race on Logo and have gotten a couple of my friends to start watching it as well — it's easily the funniest/campiest/outrageous thing on television and how bad can that be?
With quotes from Ru like "oh my sweet gherkins" and "the draguweather forecast calls for oh HELL no you d'in't!" it's something I can't look away from.
But the best part has to be The Dragulator. Meet Champagne Supernova.
I think of getting a tattoo all the time. All the time. The thing is that 1. I'm a complete wimp and 2. I would never be able to decide on a design and 3. it's permanent. I don't like anything enough to commit to it forever. On my skin. For people to see. Forever.
But.
I saw this on ugliesttattoos.com and thought we may have a winner.
Freaking genius.
Do you remember Level 42? Sure you do. I know you do. They were a British pop band with a lead singer who played slap-bass. Don't remember? "Lessons in Love" and "Something About You" were their two hits. AH, now you're with me, aren't you?
Here is "Lessons in Love," a great one for your '80s playlist.
http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x71ja
And it doesn't get much better than this. I cannot tell you how much I adore "Something About You" and have since the first time I heard it on the radio in 1985. This song still makes me melt. The alliteration, the way he sings "million," and the sense of desperation. Good music makes you feel. It's not that music is supposed to make you feel good, it's that good music is supposed to make you feel.
http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/k4PZVC5S1tyJ5A2icZ&related=1
I do love the first part of this song, so here are the lyrics for you.
now
how can it be
that a love
carved out of caring
fashioned by fate
could suffer so hard
from the games
played once too often
but making mistakes
is a part
of life's imperfections
born of the years
is it so wrong
to be human after all?
I love you people. You come to this blog from all over, from my hometown and from Poland, Greece, Pakistan, and Australia. I wanted you to know how much that means to me, so I made a little something for you. Sure, it's six days late, but whatev. Here's a February desktop calendar made especially for you by me. Hope you like.
I call it "Lovey Dovey Grunge." Right-click and save it as your desktop background or download it below if you so wish. If you like it, maybe I'll make this a monthly thing. What do you think?
Lookie what came yesterday. I've been waiting for my Kosmo Privos in pink and orange forever. I've had them in brown and blue for a year and they're the most comfy shoes I own. The Mesas also looked supercute, so I got them as well. Loving the pink and orange.
I've been in a mood all week. As with everything in my life, there has been a soundtrack to this mood. It's been generally an angry mood, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. More on that later in another post.
Usually angry moods are good for Ben Folds for some reason. Maybe it's the cursing, I'm not sure. Not all Ben's songs have cursing, but they're not to be listened to with the kids present. What I love about Ben is that he can write emotionally, he can write harshly, he can say things in ways you don't often hear. He also plays a mean piano. Love that.
I should have made it Ben Week on the blog. I've done two Ben Folds posts. I could have done a Ben Lee post, profiled my favorite Ben Affleck movie (Chasing Amy), and put up a recipe featuring Uncle Ben's rice!
This song is called "Zak and Sara," which Ben Folds has said is about about a boy in 1984 playing guitar and writing songs for his girlfriend, who sits on his amp all day watching him play, and in her head is discovering techno – not the music the boyfriend is playing at all. This is why I love Ben Folds. The video is typography set to "Zak and Sara." Shut up, someone took my two loves, music and graphic design and made a video. This is the kind of stuff that makes me happy, people. And the colors! If hot pink does nothing for you, I'm sorry, check your pulse. Something's wrong wit ya. The font is Helvetica. Yes, I know it on sight. Hel-to-the-vetica!
"Dr. Yang" is about all the alternative medicine voodoo witch doctor psychics out there. Coolness. I like the yelling.
Finally, "All U Can Eat," which sums up America in a sarcastic tone. Now, I am an American all-you-can-eat, never been camping kind of girl, but I totally get it. If you have sensitive ears, please move along. Nothing to see here.
P.S. Here's "Rockin' The Suburbs." Just because Ben Folds got an audience to yell "Preperation-H" and the F-word and he's the man. Goes without saying, They yell the F-word. Deal.
I'll have a real post with words later.
I forgot it was Tuesday.
How does one forget Tuesday?
In lieu of a proper Tunes Tuesday post, here are some of my favorite Ben Folds songs. First up is "Annie Waits" because I love it. Because the clock never stops, never stops, never stops, never waits, she's growing old, and it's getting late. And that's why.
Here's a much younger Ben with Ben Folds Five singing "Selfless, Cold, and Composed." Love the lyric "you just smile like a bank teller, blankly telling me 'have a nice life.'" It's a break-up song. A bad break-up song.
And now for something completely different, this clip is from a real British morning show that obviously didn't know what kind of guy Ben was. Ben and band lipsynched to the album track, a roadie sat in on drums, the drummer was a back-up singer, and Ben was awesomely cheesetastic. Love it, makes me laugh.
And for those of you who may not be big Ben Fold Fans, there is one special song, a song you have to hear live. Fortunately for you, it's on the You Tubes. You see, Ben plays live A LOT. Once in Chicago in 2001, a fan yelled out "Rock this bitch!" and being Ben, he busted out a song improv-style called "Rock This Bitch," and it became a running thing at his concerts for years until he retired it. Here is the masterpiece with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra.
I was working in my scrap office today and found this grainy photo in my desk. It's me, age six at the old Hamel's amusement park in Shreveport. Holding an ice cream cone in one hand, I seem to be pointing at my shoes saying , "look at the hideous things you people made me wear." Don't get met started on those shorts.Really, Child Services should have been notified.
I don't know if you've heard, but there is something of a situation over at NBC. Jay Leno has a 9pm show that's getting canceled and he's taking back the helm of the Tonight Show from Conan (long live Coco), so it seems NBC has to make some quick programming decisions for after the Olympics end. That's five nights of hour-long television. Of course, they could just run Law and Order: Caddo Parish; Law and Order: Hotlanta; Law and Order: Shoplifters at Target; Law and Order: Put On Some Damn Pants, Lady Gaga; and the highly anticipated, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit: Oh, I Know You D'in't.
So, NBC, I've taken it upon myself to save your network. I have five television show ideas for you and I'm available immediately to start writing/consulting/directing/starring — you know, whatever I can do to help. Call me.
I Can't Really Remember The '80s…with Beth. You've all read about my dear friend Frugal Beth on the blog. She's great, but she gets absolutely zero '80s references and says she doesn't "remember" the '80s. I say throw her in a room with Flava Flav and Ozzy and see what happens. A big screen would show video clips and we'd hear Beth say "no, I don't remember that" and Ozzy would mumble something, then Flava Flav would go "boyeeeee" for no reason. It would be ratings gold in the 45+ market.
Kerry Gets a Houseboy will be a guaranteed hit. And don't worry, I'm pretty sure the hubs thinks I already have a houseboy lined up, so it's cool. It's a running joke here in the Faler house, but joke no more! Here's the premise: cute young prospective houseboys try out to be The Houseboy. Each week the houseboys will compete at various tasks such as laundry, dusting, cooking, grocery shopping, party planning, dishes, gardening, and helping with homework. My girlfriends and I will sit on the judging panel, sending one houseboy packing each week. The girlfriends and I will wear caftans and sit on chaise lounges sipping mimosas during judging. I may have a celebrity cougar judge each week. I'm thinking Joan Collins, Ann-Margaret, Susan Sarandon, Sharon Stone.
In the end, I get a houseboy!
Houseboy gets room and board. It's a win-win! I predict mad crazy ratings among women ages 25-95, because let's face it, this show will be basically porn for women: hot guys doing housework. How bad could that be?
And it could be re-run on Bravo or Logo a millions times a day. The gays would love my show. Kerry Gets a Houseboy = ratings gold.
Who Wants To Marry A Guy With Decent Credit? Dana does, that's who. This show will star my friend, Dana, who is single, loves shoes, good books, and cute guys. She doesn't want it all, she just wants a guy with decent credit. Each week in a Bachelor-style rose ceremony, Dana's suitors will have their credit score revealed and Dana will hand them credit cards. If their score isn't up to par, she will say, "I'm sorry, but your card has been declined" and the poor guy will hop into his Ford Festiva and ride off into the sunset. In this economy this show will be ratings gold.
Never Met A Job I Didn't Like will be a dramedy chronicling the misadventures of a cute redheaded 20something who may remind you of someone a lot like me a decade ago. Our heroine puts her best foot forward in adorable mary janes, but somehow manages to get fired from every single job she lands (she quits a few along the way too). She does everything from teach pre-school, work lots of retail, tutor high school kids, take orders for concrete, works for a non-profit, writes a textbook for a correspondence school, and dresses mannequins in a department store. You name it, she's done it — and been fired from it. There are lots of zany bosses, co-workers, and of course her understanding husband who just knows when she wants to answer the classified ad to be the mall Easter Bunny, she's gone a little too far. In this economy this show will be ratings gold.
I Want To Give Andrew McCarthy A TV Show will be a show in which I give Andrew McCarthy a TV show.
Just because I want to see him on my TV every week. That's it. No more guest spots on shows. He needs his own show. Make him a doctor – he's done that, he's been a good TV doctor! Make him lawyer, a writer, a professional bowler — I don't care, just give him a show. I would watch him read the newspaper. It's taken me all night to blog this just because his photo is right there. Look at boyfriend's eyes over there. He needs a TV show. Come on, NBC, you cancelled that Lipstick Jungle show he was in — I say bring his character back and make it The Andrew McCarthy Show. Trust me, there are plenty of other 30something women who have been in love with him since 1986 — this show will be ratings gold!
There you go, NBC. I've done all I can do. I'm only one woman, but I'm doing what I can to help save your network. My show ideas are out there, call me, we'll talk. I don't have an agent, so just have your people call, um, me.
This is a little something going around the Facebook right now and I thought it would be fun to post on the blog.
30 Things You Probably Wouldn't Think to Ask…
Answer these 30 Things You Wouldn't Think To Ask. Then tag me so I can come and have a look.
After that, tag 25 friends who you'd like to answer these questions. IF you are a tagger. And if you are not, have fun anyway!
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
no
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I haven't been on a roller coaster since I was 6. I threw up. Never again. I am terrified of such things.
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
once when it snowed in Shreveport when I was a kid. Maybe 1984.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
right now, with someone.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I haven't met any.
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
yes
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
yes
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Rachel
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
I know more than you think I do. or maybe I'm just a SAHM with a little blog and too much time on her hands, who knows?
10. Do you know how to play poker?
nope
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
not intentionally
12. What's your favorite commercial?
Slap Chop. You're gonna love my nuts.
13. Who was your first love?
I had mad puppy love for a boy named John in 8th grade who asked me to a school dance. first real love? that was something altogether different. sigh.
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
hell yeah, I'm not a fool, I grew up in Shreveport.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
no
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I really couldn't care less. go Braves.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
are you kidding me? have you seen my skinny ankles? never.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
most of the time, for better or for worse.
19. What's the one thing on your mind?
like I've ever had ONE thing on my mind. pffft.
20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
yes
21. What talent do you wish you had?
I'd love to be able to play piano.
22. Do you like Sushi?
mad love
23. What do you wear to bed?
one of several chemises from Lane Bryant.
24. Do you truly hate anyone?
not anymore. I decided a long time ago that hate was too strong an emotion for a couple of people that didn't deserve any emotion of mine. apathy takes much less effort.
23. If you could go on a date with one famous person, who would it be?
just one? Alec Baldwin.
26. Do you know anyone in jail?
yep – wait, just realized I've never technically met them. win.
27. What food do you find disgusting?
"salads" with mayonnaise: chicken salad, tuna salad, pasta salad, that icky carrot and raisin catastrophe
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
no, I make fun of them in their presence, it's more fun that way.
29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
not punched, no. can I punch someone in the face? is that an option? I'd like to.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
yes
