crafts for poor people

As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, I enjoy the crafting.  Not so much crafting as scrapbooking (although I have been known to make fabulous Christmas ornaments, mainly my faux mercury glass ornaments).  Anycraft, I've been artsy crafty for as long as I can remember and I grew up less than wealthy, so I love the idea of Amy Sedaris' new book, Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.  

Sedaris is a comedian and the book is written in jest, but I assure you, when I'm elected Something or Other, I will bring crafting to the poor.  There will be a social program for crafts.  Crafting is a right of life just like healthcare and cell phones and it's about time our government recognized this.  

Let's watch Amy Sedaris on the Today Show.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640
 

I want her dress.  

Also, non-crafters may not realize the problem of craft-induced back and neck pain.  This is exactly why we have massage therapists at ScrapFest!  Thank  you, Amy for bringing this problem to the public's attention.

P.S. Drunk/medicated crafting is where it's at, but don't tell anyone I said that.

election results rolling in

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And so, AP is projecting the Republicans to gain control of the House and the Dems to remain in majority of the Senate.  What does that mean?  Most likely a lot of inaction.  

In other news, my home state, Louisiana got a shiny new Lt. Governor tonight.  I've decided to explore my options as far as running in 2012 as I am more than qualified for the Lt. Gov's job.  The Lt. Governor heads up tourism and goes to festivals and fairs and eats good food.  I practically have a degree in Festivals and Food.  If there is a better job out there for me, I don't know what it is.  Also, do I get a mansion with this position?  What about a tiara?  Scepter? 

my new motto

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My new motto is "make your vote your bitch."©  That's right, people.  Make your vote work.  Be up all in that vote. Smack that vote.  

Personally, I love the democracy.  I love that we actively participate in our government., that we have the right to do so.  I can't imagine what it was like for my great-grandmothers, Katie and Minnie Belle, were allowed to vote for the first time — that they were denied the right to vote prior to 1920.  This year is the 90th anniversary of women getting the right to vote.  I can't help but think about my great-grandmothers this year.  I will take my daughters to my polling place, as I did in the last presidential election.  

I believe it is important for them to know our nation's history and to watch history in the making.  This year it looks like the Democratic majority in the House and Senate will be voted down and Republicans will take their turn.  That is the way it goes when the public is unhappy with the president and his party is in the majority. This is not a surprise.  It has happened before and will happen again.  What does this mean for the country? The National Review says:

"It’s not often that a midterm election changes the direction of the United States. Signs are that next Tuesday’s will. Sixty-eight years ago, one certainly did. On November 3, 1942, voters went to the polls to hand FDR and the Democrats a defeat so resounding that it halted the country’s decade-long leftward shift, while their GOP rivals found a clear mandate to reverse the biggest expansion of government in American history, the New Deal."

So, just like in 1942, it could be a big deal.  Time will tell.  It will certainly be interesting to watch.

Like I've said before, this isn't a political blog.  Those of you who know me personally know my political affiliation and also know I would never preach on who to vote for.  I will tell you that the robo-calls from candidates are my number one pet peeve currently and that it's a guaranteed way to get hung up on by me. Whether you vote for the robo-callers or not, get out and exercise your right to vote.  It is a right.  Don't forget that.  

search terms of endearment

Once in a while I remember to check my blog stats.  

I thought I'd share the most recent search terms people have Googled to find my blog.

Screen shot 2010-11-01 at 8.22.01 PM

If you ever wonder if there are wierdos in the world, just look at blog stats.  

I don't even know what "girl in bed boobs socks sleeping hello kitty HEADPHONES" means.  

"'stout lady' girdle" — that's just bizarre.  And they're called Spanx, no one says "girdle" anymore.  Pfft.

"the window of a gyno office videos" — I'm scared.

"nicknames for kerry" — um, that would be "Kerry."  Or "Ree-Ree."  Darla's the only person who calls me "Ker," so I'm not counting that one.

"dr branton gyno" — I have never been, nor will ever be a gynecologist, so this person got the wrong blog.

"kerry faler" — that would be me.

"lsu self portrait kitten" — now that's just a string of random words.  I know it is.

how to carve a pumpkin

Being an authority on pumpkin carving,  I thought I would instruct you people on how to properly carve a pumpkin.  

 

Pumpkin1 Step 1:

Get yourself a pumpkin.  Your pumpkin should be big, but not so big that you cannot pick it up.  If at all possible, have your spouse go pumpkin shopping to be sure you will have a pumpkin that cannot stand right-side up, so that you will have to turn it upside down to carve.  BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I DO IT.

Place pumpkin atop newspaper (this is just for show, as you will get pumpkin guts on the table and probably on the floor).

 

 

Pumpkin2
 Step 2:

If you have children, have them draw pictures of what they would like the pumpkin to look like and have a vote.  It is up to you if you would like to kick the non-winner off the island.

As you can see, the oldest child won — kitty pumpkin it is.

 

 

 

 

Pumpkin3
 Step 3:

Cut top off pumpkin and place to the side.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pumpkin4
Step 4:

Gut pumpkin with large spoon.  Scrape the inner walls of the pumpkin well.  

If you have children, have them remove the pumpkin guts, you don't want to touch that slimy stuff.  It's gross.

 

 

 

 

Pumpkin5

 

Step 5:

Assemble the tools you will need for carving (really, you should have done this earlier, but you aren't perfect).

– serrated knife

– paring knife 

– marker

Draw a face on your pumpkin.

 

Pumpkin6

 

Step 6:

Use your serrated knife for making the large cuts.  Once the large sections are cut out, go back with your paring knife to even your cuts and to make small cuts, such as the ones around the eyes.  Save the removed sections to cut ears, or do as I did and use the bottom, I mean TOP because I'm not using it anyway.

Use toothpicks to attach ears to your kitty pumpkin's head (for some reason we had plastic toothpicks – how weird is that?) and for the whiskers.

 

 

Pumpkin7
Step 7:

Use your paring knife to shave off the pumpkin skin on ears and pupils for dimension.  

Super Secret Tip: spray your pumpkin with Pam and rub with a paper towel to make it nice and shiny!

 

 

 

 

 

Pumpkin8
Congratulations!  

You have carved yourself a pumpkin.  Place a votive or Christmas lights inside and put it on your porch for Halloween to greet trick or treaters.  

Now, wasn't that fun?  

 

Happy Halloween!

Kerry