Regarding having my wisdom teeth removed in the morning: it's not just me.
This video was on The Daily What last week and I saved it for today because that's the kind of sick sense of humor I have.
It starts getting surreal around 3:54. I'll leave it at that. The only word for it is OMGWTFBBQ.
I told you.
Here's a remix of Kay Starr's "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" to listen to while you read. It has nothing to do with this post, but this is random after all.
04 I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm (Stuhr Remix)
Enjoyable. I'm almost positive I heard that song for the first time in 1997 in a Lane Bryant in Atlanta. My memory is full of details like this. And it is long.
Everything is getting on my nerves today. Everything.
My wisdom teeth are about to kill me. I know I'm having them extracted Tuesday, but for now they are waging war against me and at the moment they are winning. To make it even better, everyone (including my oral surgeon) has told me that I should have had them removed when I was 17. Well, excuuuuuuuuuuse me, I didn't have them when I was 17. I was an early bloomer for everything except the wisdom teeth. Seriously.
I hate the word "gherkin."
I don't eat them either.
There are lots of other things I don't like. Like beer. And wine. And scary movies. And most card games. And tuna unless it's on sushi. And pepperoni. Gross.
I bit the inside of my mouth this morning. When I do this I think "I've been eating for 36 years and I haven't mastered the skill of chewing as not to bite the inside of my mouth like an idiot." Do other people do this or is it just me?
When I told my dear friend Kim that I was getting my wisdom teeth out I said "I will no longer be wise." She said, "Kerry, that's a word no one would use to describe you." Punk.
Kim was there for the birth of my oldest child (not in the delivery room, because this was when I still had some modesty). When Molly was born and Kim saw her brown hair, she said "no one will know if we start dying her hair red now." Almost ten years later I'm not sure if she was joking.
During the birth of my oldest child my obstetrician asked "have you had this mole looked at?" True story. That's when the modesty thing became lost on me.
I'm watching You've Got Mail. It's one of my favorites. I consider it a Christmas movie. It was based on The Shop Around the Corner, which is definitely a Christmas movie and a classic. I watched that yesterday. I'd rather watch that Jimmy Stewart Christmas movie than It's a Wonderful Life.
I once had Meg Ryan's hair cut from this movie.
Is it weird that I only had spinach artichoke dip for lunch?
My new Keurig coffee machine is neato. Coffee is one of the most delicious things on the planet.
Coffee and cheesecake are the two most delicious things on the planet.
I think I'm going to have some coffee.
It's the Saturday before Christmas. I've watched old movies and wrapped gifts. Tonight I plan on watching a documentary, followed by Love Actually. Wild, I know.
Last night while looking at Christmas lights, Katie said "wow, they sure do have a lot of Christmas spirit" when we saw the tackiest house of the night.
It was this house.
No it wasn't. But it would have been awesome if it were.
I am tired. I would like to be sedated through Christmas after having my wisdom teeth extracted on Tuesday. I see nothing wrong with this plan.
Is it wrong that I've thought of busting out the Easy Bake Oven that's under the tree for one of my daughters and making some brownies with the mix that's included?
If you haven't gotten a Christmas gift for your favorite red headed blogger yet, consider a barrel of Xanax.
The next house we build will have a drain in the kitchen floor like in a school cafeteria so I can just hose it down.
My next house will also have a Kahlua cellar.
When I read someone's post such as "oh, he was just being curious" after someone's status on Facebook about their child doing something irritating/destructive, I think "spoken like someone who does not have children of their own. Moron."
I watched Carrie Fisher's show "Wishful Drinking" today. She is honest and funny and has learned how to laugh at painful times in her life. I admire her very much.
Does anyone else hate the Kay Jewelers commercials?
Can someone bring me an eggnog shake from Sonic?
And some brownies from somewhere.
I have not *really* planned what we will have for Christmas lunch. Do you think the hubs will notice if we only have pies? A plethora of pies.
"Plethora" is my favorite word.
Have I ever told y'all the story of what I won at the Christmas banquet for the College of Education where I went to college? I won tennis lessons with my advisor. When this was announced, Dana turned to me and went "BWAHHHHHH!"
This advisor was also one of my library science professors (my minor). Once in a class she said that her favorite word was "awkward" because it has a rhythm when you spell it out loud. A-W-K-W-A-R-D.
I haven't been able to stop saying "you know, it's that thing where someone calls Miss Piggy fat and she goes 'hi-yah!'" since last Saturday when Stefon was on Weekend Update on SNL. I have a problem.
Somebody make me a mocha peppermint Russian. Technically I'm not sure if that's what you call it because I'm not well versed in adult beverage knowledge, but go with me on this – delicious.
One of my favorites, Amy Sedaris, was on the Colbert Report with crafts from her book and I thought a reader or two could benefit by learning how to make some last minute crafts to give as gifts.
If one of you doesn't do the cookie idea for a Christmas party I will be deeply disappointed.
Most people end up getting some kind of body wash or lotion in their Christmas stocking, it's a nice filler. I enjoy the Sweet Pea fragrance from Bath and Bodyworks. This year why not kick it up a notch and add some bling?
Christmas Gift Idea #7: Tajazzle
This product can give one confidence and make one smell, taste, and feel good. That's what they say anyway. You have to watch a few minutes of this video. It may be the most important thing you do today.
So, I spit coffee out of my mouth around the 3:50 minute mark. That gave me the confidence to go on with my day. Thank you Tajazzle!
Christmas is next week. Surprise! I thought I'd give y'all a random update of things going on in my real life. Listen to one of my favorite Christmas songs, the Beef Wellington Remix of "Happy Holiday" while you read.
02 Happy Holiday (Beef Wellington Remix)
I still have a few gifts to get. I have a self-imposed deadline of Friday for purchasing and Sunday for wrapping. I was caught up with wrapping until UPS and Fed Ex came today. I'm pretty sure the delivery men hate my guts. I wouldn't blame them. 7 packages on one day is a bit much, even for me.
This year I will not be sending Christmas cards. This makes me extremely upset because I'm me. I couldn't get it together this year. So, if you usually get a card from the Faler fam, just know you aren't the only one who didn't get a card. But there will be a very special card on the blog.
Kahlua makes a peppermint mocha flavor. I'm borrowing Ina Garten's phrase, "how bad can that be?" to sum up my feelings on this development.
My five year-old now prefers the "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/Roxanne" mash-up version of "Rudolph" to the original.
My middle child does not like the song "Christmas in Hollis." I am devastated. Where have I failed as a parent?
I'm also devastated because I have to get my wisdom teeth forcibly removed from my mouth next week. I like to schedule surgeries around holidays because pain is pain, right? I'm kidding. Really, I'm not looking forward to this because I've grown very attached to my wisdom teeth and only recently have they been making me want to shoot myself in the face to distract myself from the pain they are causing. I took this picture of my x-ray at the oral surgeon's office because I'm me. I may use this as my profile pic next week on Facebook because I have a weird sense of humor.
Oh, and I'm also having my frenulum lasered. The frenulum is that fleshy thingie that connects your top lip to your gums. I didn't know that there was a word for that thingie until two weeks ago. Yeah, I think that's going to hurt as well.
Also, they made me watch a video about having your wisdom teeth extracted while I was at the oral surgeon's office. It was not Oscar material. It would have been better if I would have had Raisinettes. Or laughing gas.
The won't give you laughing gas for the consultation. Don't even ask.
Is that picture freaky or what? Look how my arm looks all bent out of shape in the corner. Looks deformed.
What else was I going to tell you people?
I could go for some nachos. That isn't what I was going to tell y'all.
I can always go for some nachos.
I'm going to do a year-in-Kerry Blog-review after I'm recovered from the teeth being yanked out of my noggin deal. It will be a must read post. A lot of stuff happened this year in my world. I may blog about the year for the rest of the world if I have time before the end of the year.
You can't write a year-in-review after December 31st because OMG that is so last year!
I'm also going to write my new year's resolutions.
I may resolve not to lose my temper in Best Buy again, but I can't promise anything. That place is of the devil, no lie.
More later.
For no real reason, here is Marky Mark beat boxing and Batman singing the Powerpuff Girls theme song.
http://abcnews.go.com/assets/player/walt2.6/flash/SFP_Walt_2_65.swf
Everyone knows the most important news story of the year was the bed intruder/Antoine Dodson story. You may think it was the BP oil catastrophe or the Haiti earthquake, but really it was Antoine. Jerry Falwell's Liberty University (say wha?) made a Christmas carol out of "Bed Intruder" and it truly is magical. It's like Burl Ives and Antoine Dodson had a song baby.
OK Go debuted their new video for "Back From Kathmandu," which happens to be my favorite song off their current album, Of the Blue Colour of the Sky. They led a parade through Los Angeles that spelled out OK Go. Why not?
So the question is, do you have this album? And if your answer is no, why not?
