By my friend Chris

Who are they and what did they say? Tell me now, Xtina!

Read this.

My son is working on a science project (a diorama of the River Thames), so he’s helping his older sister deep clean her room and organize her closet. He’s being so incredibly helpful, it’s crazy bananas.

This is the best dad joke I’ve heard in a while.

I don’t know who this Twitterer is, but it sounds an awful like me.

I saw these on Old Made Good and I need them.

100%

True story: I didn’t drink water until I realized 3-4 Cokes a day was killing my college meal plan.

I never thought John Fugelsang, who I knew mostly as a VH1 presenter for Beatles stuff and popping up on different vague political panels over the years, would preach the gospel better than most I’ve heard on tv in forever.

From Leslie Jones’ Instagram:

I can’t disagree with this.