It’s time to wish y’all a happy Easter from my Pappaw’s “computer room.”

It's not really a vacation because I'm driving with the three kids and the dog to the hometown, so don't get all jealous. Don't worry, I'll have photo documentation of this trip. It's starting off great already — I've packed all my medications and I'm wondering what the best way is to get Lucy Dog in her crate in the car. Specifically, a way that doesn't involve getting Basset fur on me. In case you weren't aware, Bassets can't jump into the car. We need a ramp.

There may be blogging from the hometown, who knows. The iPad 2 needs a Typepad app. The iPhone was is fine for the iPhone, but come on, Typepad. 

Have a lovely Easter weekend.

Wishing my Jewish readers a happy Passover.

And because I love this more than anything on the You Tubes, here's Gwen and Freddie.

 

I have ghost skin. 

People say it's porcelain, people say it's alabaster, people say all kinds of things. But I say it's ghost. I've been fair from day one, so I've heard it all. Fair skin, light eyes, and red hair are the trifecta for sunburns. Now this may come as a surprise to you, but I've had this skin all my life and it always shocks me when I have a sunburn.

I've been sunburned all over from scalp to feet, but the sunburn I have right now is one of the worst I've had.

We were at the ballpark Saturday for six hours. I was only in direct sun for about 45 minutes of those six hours and I was wearing 100 spf sunscreen. Still, I got a sunburn on my chest, shoulders, top of my back, and arms. 

It's the worst sunburn I've had since my last one.  They're all bad, but because of where this one is, it's particularly bad. Bra straps hurt, purse straps, clothes, the shower, sleeping — everything. I was miserable Saturday night and I thought ice cream would help, but maybe I should have put it on my skin instead. I'm pretty sure I had sun poisoning after reading about that. I was ill, it wasn't just the sunburn. I felt a little better yesterday and today I just feel worn out and still in pain. 

If you've never had a bad sunburn before, do this: turn on your stove, then pick a sensitive area — let's say your face, then place your face directly on the burner for a couple of seconds. Does it hurt? If you can still smile, repeat those directions. 

More later — I have to take Advil and apply aloe to my body, then lie under my ceiling fan for several hours.

 

Be it known that you will never top this guy's best man speech. 

 from the daily what

This is by far the best résumé I have ever seen. And when I say that, what I mean is, it may be better than mine.

                                                                                                                                                    from the Daily What

Of course, my résumé says:

Kinda clairvoyant

Can sing "Islands in the Stream" or "Copacabana" on demand

Once saw Bobby McFerrin on a plane

Practically unbeatable at Trivial Pursuit

Can make a 4 course meal out ingredients from Walgreens

Speaks fluent sarcasm

Professional iTunes playlist maker

Hiring a redhead falls under the Equal Opportunity law, so everyone wins!

Almost ambidextrous 

Can write haiku

Favorite Beatle is Paul

Hates German Sheperds (and all dogs that look like wolves) and owls

Former shoplifting champion (1991)

Brings a lot to the party.

 

According to Aziz Ansari from Parks & Rec, Mr. 50 Cent doesn't know what a grapefruit is — so, yes, I feel smarter than he and Star Jones.

http://www.cbs.com/e/tiQjXAErO6xRwRryuvUJHuP9U0ZGMREf/cbs/1/
 

Ya know how sometimes you do something and you feel stupid? Every time I feel stupid from now on, I'm going to watch this clip.

http://videos.mediaite.com/embed/player/?layout=&playlist_cid=&media_type=video&content=RYW1FW2D9Q7JQTPK&read_more=1&widget_type_cid=svp 

Today is pretty random.

Prof. Dr. Hiljary texted me that it was on CNN that Zsa Zsa Gabor is going to be a mom at 94 according to her husband. Now, far be it from me to tell anyone what they can or can't do, but Zsa Zsa is 94. She just had a leg amputated. Plus, she's 94. According to CNN the husband said "I'm a retired guy, I can take care of it." 

In other news, there's a new serial killer on the loose in New York. Bet they blame it on Dexter.

In unrelated news, I could kill the bird making the "fleeeeep" noise outside. It's not a "tweet," it's definitely a "fleeeeep" and very high pitched, very annoying. Dumb bird. I was watching the birds this morning in my neighbor's tree — they all (like a flock of 50) flew out of the tree like it was on fire, then around the tree before settling back into the tree. All of them. What makes birds do that? Does one bird tweet "fire!" and they all fly out? Did they do that kind of stuff on the ground when they were dinosaurs?

These are questions I have when I haven't left the house all day.

Also, I would like a Frosty.

On Community tonight, one of the characters developed a theorem to prove who really was the boss on Who's the Boss? Brilliant. Also brilliant — there was an all-black production of Fiddler on the Roof called "Fiddla Please". If you're not watching this show, you should. 

I'm getting my hair colored tomorrow. I really would like a streak of some sort for fun, but I think streaks look weird in curly hair. 

At Stein Mart the other day I found two dresses I liked, but they were both in yellow. What's up with that? Megan asked why I couldn't wear yellow, so I held one of the dresses up and she said "yeah, you look jaundiced." So, there's that.

Grey's Anatomy is a repeat tonight, so you're getting a blog post. Yippee!

Did I tell y'all that when I had my hair colored last time that I also had my eyebrows dyed? It didn't take. I've had my eyebrows dyed dozens of times, but now they don't take. Further proof that I am falling apart. FALLING APART.

Last night I dreamed I was given an honorary doctorate from some school I didn't recognize. Also dreamed I was having my legs waxed and had to leave while they were half done and I was wearing a dress I've been looking at on lanebryant.com. Is that a sign that I should get the dress or not?

Hey, on the upside — the repeats of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice mean that I get to watch my Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock now instead of on the dvr. 

At the sushi restaurant on Monday, I noticed for the first time that on the menu there is a "Heart Attack Roll" made with (among other things) bacon. On another note, the "Big Mac Roll" has no meat or bread. Weird. I've had a Big Mac once in my life because I ordered the wrong number on the McDonald's menu. This was on the way home from Sesame Street Live in 2004. I blame Elmo.

 

So, there is a site I need to tell y'all about so you can laugh like I did earlier. It's peanutweeter — they take Peanuts cartoons and add random tweets to them. Here are a few of my favorites. 

If you didn't read Madeline as a kid, the last one may not be funny to you, but I love envisioning that scene. Hilarious.