Amen.

1. Tina Fey – I mean, come on.

2. Ina Garten – we could hang out and cook. Plus, both our husbands work out of town during the week, so we'd keep each other company.

3. Jimmy Fallon – for real, Jimmy. Let's hang.

4. Melissa McCarthy – I don't know if the world is ready for two chubby bffs. If you haven't seen this video of her talking about Spanx on Ellen,  watch it right now. It's like she and I are sisters.

5. Dolly Parton – I've loved her in every interview I've seen and I think she would be bunches of fun. Plus, I could try on all her wigs.

This guy is running for something. I believe his campaign promise.

1. Kardashian

2. Kardashian

3. Kardashian

4. Kardashian

5. Kardashian

Y'all know I like my makeup. 

1. Makeup Forever Aqua Waterproof Eyeliner in dark brown. I only wear dark brown eyeliner because black makes me look like Morticia. Makeup Forever made this eyeliner originally for synchronized swimmers, so you know it lasts through a hot Louisiana summer day.

2. L'Oreal Colour Riche Lipstick in cinnamon toast. It's the perfect reddish-brown for fall and winter pale girls like myself. Goes with my coloring.

3. Papier Poudre Oil Blotting Papers. I have oily skin. These French oil blotting papers take the oil off my face and leave a hint of powder behind. They come in a little booklet that fits in my makeup bag. I don't go anywhere without them.

4. Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler. This one is a must. It's the only eyelash curler that has a bouncy rubber piece that really curls your lashes and doesn't bend them into a rubber crease. Do you know what this means? Girls, you can use this curler after you've applied mascara if you need to. You have to try this curler.

5. LORAC Brow Penci in auburn (I think). This pencil is creamy and only goes on your brows, not your skin, which is essential for not looking like Groucho Marx. It also has a brush on the other end of the pencil, so there is no need for another tool. Love. 

It should not surprise you that I have opinions on this.

1. camo on people who are not hunting. This is not "a look".

2. trucker hats. My father is a truck driver. Even he does not wear these. 

3. jeggings. For the love of denim, make it stop.

4. Beiber hair.

5. hobo facial hair/old dead president beards/the Grizzly Adams. There is a strange trend of men wearing facial hair that is sloppy and unkempt. I have nothing against a well-trimmed goatee or Tom Selleck's mustache, but guys – y'all have to shave. If you look like any of the men below, get thee to a barber before I come after you with a razor.

Why only five?

1. fabric flower hair thingies.

2. cute watches (this is my Toy Watch).

(and this is my awesome Fossil)

(and this is the Pink Flamingo Swatch Watch I had in 1987)

3. cute shoes (these are my Guess flip flops that I wore all summer).

4. cute bags (this is my embroidered Brighton slouch – I've had it for probably three years and got it out to use last week).

5. scarves. I love scarves and I have lots of them, but this is the only pic I had wearing one – like 3 years ago, New Year's Eve at my grandfather's house (that's why I'm wearing a paper top hat). If you can believe it, the picture I took of myself last week at Red Door Interiors out does this one and I'm going to use it as my Facebook pic next month. Such a dork. 

This is possibly a pig-shaped-ham. The info isn't absolutely clear on that fact. I may or may not be serving this little guy for the holidays.

Damn.