This Instagram challenge is really reaching. Today is trash and it so happens to be trash day in Da Creek.

I don't have a sponsor for this blog, but if I did, The Kerry Blog would be brought to you by Bobby Brown's Mugshots. When only the best mugshot will do, use Bobby Brown's Mugshots.

My name (cute stationery by The Preppy Ladybug).

Prof. Dr. Hiljary asked my opinion on what hairstyle she should go with next. I decided we needed to do virtual makeovers on the Cosmo site. 

Here I am as different people.

Heidi Klum is not my look.

I'm Taylor Swift. Not bad. Little known fact: I have never been thin enough where my clavicle can be seen. 

I am so not a Kardashian. I look like a witch. Yikes. I might put a spell on someone. 

Taylor Swift again. My features are too big for her face. 

I look okay as Ashlee Simpson. Not really. I look pissed off.

I am Beyonce! Or the Lion from the Wizard of Oz, you pick.

And me as Mary J. Blige. I think we can all agree this is the best look. Tattoos and all. So I'm a little pale, so what?

This is the key that stays in the lock of our front door. The key ring is from my high school, a gift from my journalism teacher.

Out of exhaustion, I told Siri “thanks” and this is what she said.

My dad just told me a story about his girlfriend (they're not talking, so maybe she's the ex-girlfriend). He said the girlfriend went to my grandmother's house to bring her a birthday card, but because of her hearing, she didn't anwer the door. Later on, my grandmother found a ("deleted," not "belated") birthday card, two bananas, and a Rice Crispies treat on the floor under the mail slot. Nothing says Happy Belated Birthday like bananas and Rice Crispy treats.

I hate gladiator sandals.

Did you know jelly donut bread pudding existed? It does. It can bring peace to the Middle East.

My dad also says "lady dentist," as in his dentist is a woman.

There should be a warning on Ambien that says "do not text, do not use Facebook while taking this." I'm just going to leave that statement right there. 

I'm uncomfortable with Dr. Seuss movies. There. I said it. 

When I walked into Walgreens the other day, the clerk yelled "summer's here!" I'm not sure if she talking about me or to me, but Walgreens is not my summer shopping destination AND it's March. 

So, I saw a video of drag queens singing about Chick-Fil-A to the tune of Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" and they sang "someday somebody gonna make you wanna gobble up a waffle fry" and I laughed so hard I almost passed out. I'm not posting the video here because of the hundred of Google searches for "gay men hot pants" that land on my blog.

Someone also Googled "bbw vagina" and landed here. Which brings me to my next point: what is wrong with people? I mean, damn. 

You know in the sidebar on Facebook where it shows people to subscribe to? Today they were all drag queens, Mark Zuckerberg, and Tim Tebow.  

Mommie Dearest is on and I'm choosing not to watch it even though it is Joan Crawford's birthday. 

Let's have a moment of silence in memory of Joan.

Amen.

So, yeah. The stomach virus has been an uninvited guest in my home for a week. All 3 kids have been home at least one day this week. I had it first and then it came back. It's like an unnecessary sequel. Like Bambi 2 or Big Momma's House 14: She's So Fat When She Left The House in High Heels, When She Came Back They Were Flip Flops. 

I'm sorry I'm opting out of the Instagram Challenge for a couple of days, but you didn't really want to see my sink yesterday. Instead of taking photos, I'll be watching everything on Hulu and Amazon Instant Video. For real, Once Upon a Time is so good. 

Delicious would be the Hawaiian roll at Koto in Baton Rouge. My apologies to you weirdos who do not like sushi.

Me at 3, me at 37. Almost the same hairdo.