Dammit, Carol.

see on Mlkshk.

I'mma live forevah!

I asked Siri to remind me to take out the garbage at 7:15 tomorrow. This is what happened.

I'm sorry, Dominos. I speak for all moms when I say none of us want your pizza for Mother's Day. We want a nice brunch. Jewelry. iTunes gift cards. Cash. Not pizza. Ordering us pizza pretty much says, "we forgot it was Mother's Day and we don't feel like putting on real shoes to take you to a restaurant. Oh, and we made a card out of the receipt."

I'm With Kanye posted the 57 different ways Samuel L. Jackson has written the word "mother*cker" on the Twittah. I thought it worthy of reposting. If you'd like to follow my Twittah, I'm @kerrybee. 

Usually the Kentucky Derby hats are not as wild as those worn by Royal Ascot attendees, but the Americans are stepping up their game this year. Let's take a moment to laugh at people wearing crazy hats.

Debra Messing and two clowns from Barnum and Bailey

girl, don't act like those glasses go with your woodland fairy cloud hat.

someone call the PETA, this woman is wearing a live peacock.

it's either a deceased parrot and/or toucan.

girl, a press pass would do. this is what we call a lot of look.

I saw this photo on the Daily What and thought y'all needed to see it too because EW ARE HIP BONES SUPPOSED TO POP OUT LIKE THAT? 

I added the arrow in case you couldn't tell.

This model was at the Met Gala last night. I assume that now they're inviting people with snap-on limbs.

P.S. Girl, some of your dress is missing.  Were you in a fight? Is that what happened to your leg? 

I just need to write. Either that or I will pull a Towanda and take my car to a parking lot and hit parked cars just because. It's part of the "it's everything and nothing" all at the same time part of depression/anxiety that has been here for a few days and UGH. I mean, UGH.

So, last week was Teacher Appreciation Week at my son's school and I forgot because it's this week and my daughters' school. I'm pretty sure they all think I'm a nutjob anyway. 

Can I blame any of this on the Supermoon?

Stainless steele pot lids are hot. Remember that. I may or may not have burned my hand in two places trying to juggle a hot stainless steele pot lid.

Eariler I signed up for Typekit for my blog (lets you use different fonts than what the standards are) and I cannot figure out how to install it. Do you know how that makes me feel? I'm the one everyone asks for computer help. I feel like an idiot.

Speaking of idiots, you know those people who call YOU and a few minutes into the conversation, they're all "well, I'm really busy at work, I'd better get back to it." WAIT UP. YOU called ME. You know what I have to say about that?

I mean, for real.

So, I think I already need new reading glasses. Damn astigmatism and crap.

In other news, I was finally invited to a trunk show for something that would actually fit this body. It's at my optomitrist's office. New frames by Oliver Peoples, Prada, Coach, and Versache. Of course it's my optomitrist. 

My life is hilarious.

Did I tell y'all I'm designing the site for my 20 year high school reunion for the year I didn't technically graduate? Technically. And I'm not old.

M&M's are a food group right? I think we can all agree that they are at least an honorary food group. Like the Cheese group.

I don't know what to have for lunch. Besides M&M's.

I just read that Courtney Love is 125lbs and is 5'11". I haven't been 125lbs since I was 11.

Don't tell me it's the M&M's.

The President is yawning, guy on the right is picking something off his face. This is a slow news day.