Have you noticed that each time you're on Facebook these days the status block asks you how you're doing? It's obnoxious.

I'm expecting the box to read "what up, yo?" any day now. Do you think all this was Zuckerburg's idea? Do you think he was feeling a little ignored and wanted to have the status block ask him questions? It's only a matter of time before the status block turns into Cleverbot and responds to you when you write your status.

"How are you feeling, Kerry?" 

"I'm feeling pretty tired right now."

"Why are you so tired?"

"Because we had a slumber party last night and the girls kept me up."

"You should have slipped them Ambiens."

"No joke, Facebook. I did think of that at some point."

"I was just joking. What kind of parent drugs her daughter's party guests?"

"Dude, I was joking too."

"I don't think so. I think I should report you to CPS."

"Facebook, it was a joke. I would never–"

"Kerry, where are the bodies buried?"

"Whoa, wait a minute–"

"I'll keep your secret, just promise me you'll click on every ad you see on every page on Facebook from now on and no one will ever know."

"Now I know why people can never truly quit Facebook." 

 

 

The President is still the president. Here's what you need to know.

Beyonce did her best Beyonce wearing giant green earrings and Schumer apparently digs Beyonce.

Bill Clinton digs Kelly Clarkson. He really digs her. 

FLOTUS rolled her eyes at Boehner. He must have said he likes her bangs.

Sasha yawned during her dad's speech. I mean, haven't we all done that during our dad's inauguration speech? 

 

George Stephanopoulus mistook Bill Russell for Morgan Freeman on national tv.

Justice Scalia wore this hat. It will never beat THIS HAT.

this is Macklemore.

caution to sensitive ears, words.

 

You know that thing where you have a really crappy month and half and you kinda want to talk about it, but you don't want to talk about it, so you don't blog and then you see something that makes you laugh, so you decide to go back to your blog. Yeah. You know that thing where I write run-on sentences after I come back to blogging. That too.

With that out of the way, this is completely me.

For real.

I'm overwhelmed this month. I have lists like a good girl shopper. I've decorated. I've crafted. I'm practically done with shopping. Then I realized what I was missing.

Back for a second year on the Kerry Blog, it's the Yahs Initiative lip synching to "All I Want for Christmas." I love this so much that I dance to it in my bedroom when getting dressed in December. And sometimes you just gotta spank dat ass while singing.

 

Somebody let Yoko Ono design men's clothing. Here's what she came up with.

What man doesn't love a mesh shirt with shoulder cut-outs? I'm getting this ensemble for all the men on my Christmas list. Maybe not my dad. Yes, that is a  hand on the crotch. A really big hands. Man hands.

Good news! The crotch hands pants also come in pink. Nothing says sexy like pink crotch hands pants. And pair it with the nipple cut-out tank top because nothing is sexier than man nipples. 

Okay, nothing is sexier than a man nipple bra paired with crotch hands pants? 

Welcome to the part of the blog where I confess things because I feel like after writing this wordapallooza, I feel like I know you people.

I have never been to a gay bar, but I'm pretty sure a gay bar on New Year's is the only place you could wear this outfit. Unless you are Lady Gaga or Ke$ha or Katy Perry, then this is fine for the family Christmas party with the in-laws. Better yet, wear it to the kids' school holiday program.

Remember when I said nothing is sexier than a man nipple bra paired with crotch hands pants? Strike that. Nothing is sexier than a man in a love-handle cut-out blazer and thigh cut-out pants. This is okay with the slender man, but you know the love-handled man will buy it to wear to tailgate in with his "no fat chicks" shirt. 

And Yoko, errrybody knows those are Prince's pants. 

This is a board with bells that says "RING FOR YOUR MOMMY PIECE y.o. 69-12." I do not know what this means. I am not clever enough to get Yoko's wit. Why would one wear bells on the chest? and what is y.o. 69-12? is that 1969-2012? Yoko married John Lennon in 1969 – is that it? If so, by using the dash, is she confirming that John is still alive and on Celebrity Fake Death Island with Elvis and Michael Jackson?  Does she want him to contact her via bells? THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Yoko, let's face it – you had me at mens pink mesh cut-out shirt.

 

I found something odd. I won't mention the site name, but if you happen to need a body bag, just google.