4.222/365: no one eats in the dining room

To quote Black Widow, “no one eats in the dining room.”

I’m getting ready to sell our China and China cabinet as well as our table. The table is pretty crappy and the set is something I picked out when I was pregnant with my son 16 years ago, and as I tell every newly pregnant friend — do not pick out major furniture while pregnant. I have done this twice. Regretted both.

So, why not have a fun dining room? We have a treadmill in there. Our pool table is upstairs. But what we’re missing is this:

Oh yeah. Skee-Ball. I need this.

4.216/365: shopping for salt and pepper shakers

Last week, my son broke our salt shaker. No big. It was a set I bought for $5 next to check out table at a decorating store I loved in Baton Rouge. They had silver fleur de is on the fronts — really cute. I’ve had them for at least ten years.

So, I’m shopping for a new set. I’ve only browsed online and I can tell you this: everything is something you’d see on the Starship Enterprise, a farm, animals, or one so bad that it took a left at tacky and went straight to the Goodwill reject bin. Oh, and the Mariah Carey Collection (not a real collection).

Firstly, the space-inspired:

Houston, this is a problem.
Titanium! Looks like the Aurora Borealis.
Electric Gravity! Pretty sure that was a Moby song back in the day.
Thought this was a Bluetooth Pill speaker.
You cannot tell me these are not water bottles.
Why so…phallic?
Sense Duo with Alpha Tray? What the hell? And $145! Does it cook for me? Because that would be worth $145. Alpha tray. Good Lawd.

And the country:

What in the Bambi hell?
Someone’s Aunt Polly or a small Chinese child is painting these against their will.
I’m offended with using “rustic” to describe these. I like semi-rustic. This is Cracker Barrel level.

The animals:

Just what?
Teacup Chi-no. No.
Howl no. Don’t even.
What in Jaws hell? Why does he have a Captain’s hat? And a telescope? I’m so confused. Even if this were at a seafood restaurant If be confused.

The Mariah Carey Inspired Bling Collection:

CAN YOU SAY GLITTER? I’m sorry, CRUSHED DIAMONDS!
When you feel like a little color. I don’t know what the pattern is going for, but it’s putting on the glitz.
Hold on, stop the bus! Are those speakers from Elton John’s farewell tour or Mariah’s salt and pepper shakers? Because both of them like a sparkle.

Finally, I promised too bad for the Goodwill reject bin. I’m sorry you have to see this.

It’s the Elvira boob salt and pepper shakers that no one asked for. No one. Ok, three guys who live in their mom’s basements somewhere in Michigan.

And that’s your guide to salt and pepper shakers that no one needs. I haven’t found any that I like so far, so let me know if you come across pretty ones that do not resemble any of the above.

4.215/365: recipe blogs are out of control

Have y’all noticed that recipe blogs are out of control now? There are paragraphs and paragraphs of random information and personal anecdotes between ads before your scroll finally brings you to the recipe. Yes, I know it’s about the ad revenue and that’s all well and good, but what happened to banner ads and ads on the side of your blog?

Anyway. This is a real section of someone’s blog for a recipe for Lemon Chicken. I just wanted to see the temperature and how long to cook it in a ditch oven instead of my usual crock pot.

“When Was Lemon and Chicken Invented”

“Research results about the origins of this dish are conflicting. It seems everyone wants to lay claim to this tried and true meal.

“What I discovered tells me that the lemon and chicken we make today may have originated in Hong Kong in the 1960s possibly the early 1970s.”

I’m pretty sure people were putting lemons on chicken before 1960. Call me crazy. Wouldn’t be the first time.