She’s gonna need aa new drug bag. Maybe one less obvious. Maybe “Totally not a gun and drugs, like nah.”

Saw the phrase today and made this for y’all.

Absolutely. And I’m not talking about a dollar store. I’m talking about $3 worth of saffron because an ounce of saffron costs more than an ounce of gold. Also, wine to cook with. I don’t drink wine, but I occasionally need 3/4 cups of wine. And a handful of fresh green beans. I don’t need a pound.

Spotify, what exactly is this? What are Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nickelback, and the Offspring legends of?

In general…

For proper adults celebrating Halloween, here is the official candy and alcohol pairings list. It’s pretty definitive — I think there’s something for everybody.

Eat and drink responsibly.

The stale orange circus peanuts pairing is Pabst Blue Ribbon.

This was my reaction to everything anyone said this week: