I was working in my scrap office today and found this grainy photo in my desk. It's me, age six at the old Hamel's amusement park in Shreveport. Holding an ice cream cone in one hand, I seem to be pointing at my shoes saying , "look at the hideous things you people made me wear."  Don't get met started on those shorts.Really, Child Services should have been notified. 

This is a little something going around the Facebook right now and I thought it would be fun to post on the blog.  

30 Things You Probably Wouldn't Think to Ask… 
Answer these 30 Things You Wouldn't Think To Ask. Then tag me so I can come and have a look. 
After that, tag 25 friends who you'd like to answer these questions. IF you are a tagger. And if you are not, have fun anyway! 

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? 
no

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters? 
I haven't been on a roller coaster since I was 6.  I threw up.  Never again.  I am terrified of such things.

3. When's the last time you've been sledding? 
once when it snowed in Shreveport when I was a kid.  Maybe 1984.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? 
right now, with someone.

5. Do you believe in ghosts? 
I haven't met any.   

6. Do you consider yourself creative? 
yes

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? 
yes

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? 
Rachel

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? 
I know more than you think I do. or maybe I'm just a SAHM with a little blog and too much time on her hands, who knows?

10. Do you know how to play poker? 
nope 

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? 
not intentionally

12. What's your favorite commercial? 
Slap Chop.  You're gonna love my nuts.

13. Who was your first love?
I had mad puppy love for a boy named John in 8th grade who asked me to a school dance.  first real love?  that was something altogether different.  sigh.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? 
hell yeah, I'm not a fool, I grew up in Shreveport.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? 
no

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? 
I really couldn't care less.  go Braves.

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? 
are you kidding me?  have you seen my skinny ankles?  never.

18. How often do you remember your dreams? 
most of the time, for better or for worse. 

19. What's the one thing on your mind? 
like I've ever had ONE thing on my mind.  pffft.

20. Do you always wear your seat belt? 
yes

21. What talent do you wish you had? 
I'd love to be able to play piano.

22. Do you like Sushi? 
mad love

23. What do you wear to bed? 
one of several chemises from Lane Bryant.

24. Do you truly hate anyone? 
not anymore.  I decided a long time ago that hate was too strong an emotion for a couple of people that didn't deserve any emotion of mine.  apathy takes much less effort.     

23. If you could go on a date with one famous person, who would it be? 
just one?  Alec Baldwin.

26. Do you know anyone in jail? 
yep – wait, just realized I've never technically met them.  win.

27. What food do you find disgusting? 
"salads" with mayonnaise: chicken salad, tuna salad, pasta salad, that icky carrot and raisin catastrophe 

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? 
no, I make fun of them in their presence, it's more fun that way.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face? 
not punched, no.  can I punch someone in the face?  is that an option?  I'd like to.  

30. Do you believe in angels and demons? 
yes

It's been a hectic week and I'm sorry for the lack of/disconnected posts.  ScrapFest is a month away, so I have lots of design work to do for the event, as well as working with our workshop instructors on classes.   Just for fun, I thought I'd show y'all the poster I whipped up for Fun on the Tchefuncte.  In case you don't live in south Louisiana, "Tchefuncte" is a Native American word, meaning "confuse the hell out of the amateur graphic designer."   There is much debate on the spelling — the river is with and E.  The school is with an A.  It's used interchangeably and if you ask me, it's ridiculous and aggravating.  

If you live around Madisonville/Mandeville/Covington you'll be seeing this in shops and around town soon.   I kinda like it and it's not even pink and green.  

 

8:05 – I like how Wolf Blitzer refers to the president as being in a holding area, like he's a bull at the rodeo or something. I should be live blogging this.

8:09 – hell, they're still clapping.

8:11 – this is gonna get old.

8:12 – Pelosi introduced Obama.  It would have been cool to have Will Smith play Obama tonight.  

8:13 – Something about Omaha beach.  We must answer history's call.  Pelosi has a runny nose.  This could get ugly, folks.  

8:14 – Biden reminds me of Sam the Eagle from The Muppets.  Just thought I'd let y'all know.  

8:15 – Biden keeps nodding and he just licked his lips.  Ew.  They coulda set up a big bobble head behind Obama and that would have the same effect.

8:16 – Obama has never been more hopeful about America's future than he is tonight.  Well, that's great.  The economy is the most important task ahead, he says.  Well, duh.  Do we really need a state of the union address?  He says bailing out the banks was about as popular as a root canal.  

8:19 – To recover the rest of the bank bail-out $$ he's proposing a fee on the big banks.  AND the crowd goes wild!  Everyone's standing and clapping.  

8:20 – Obama says he's cut taxes.  More standing and clapping.  Okay, standing and clapping on one side of the room.  Jokes that he thought he thought the Republicans would applaud at that one.  2 million working now that would otherwise now be unemployed had Obama not taken the steps he did with the Recovery Act, The Stimulus Bill.  

8:23 – Oh boy, here's the part where The Prez starts with the Real People anecdotes.  

8:24 – Jobs must be the #1 focus in 2010.  Obama wants a new jobs bill, he says.  Everyone stands.  Well, yeah — who doesn't want jobs?  DUH?  

8:25 – This shit is common sense.  Can I get a speechwriting job?  Please.  Pretty please?

8:26 – P.S.  I won't say "shit" in my speeches. 

8:27 – The Prez is talking about small bidnesses.  I have a small bidness.  It's really small.  Like 2 people small.

8:28 – Tampa's getting a high speed rail system.  Tampa?  For real?

8:29 – Time to slash the tax breaks for those companies who ship jobs overseas.  

8:30 – Why is Biden frowning?

8:31 – Obama will not accept second place for the USA.  I think he's talking about the upcoming Olympics, but I could be wrong, I'm not sure — I got sucked in by Pelosi's gaze.

8:33 – He's talking about the banks again.  I really think he needs to address Pelosi's posture.  I'm not a doctor, but I think she needs some Boniva or something.  

8:34 – Clean energy is good.  Clean energy jobs are good.  Obama wants safe nuclear power plants.  Tough decisions on offshore oil and gas development, clean coal, and passing a climate bill.  

8:36 – There is grumble in the gallery about climate change.  "America must be that nation…" standing, applause.  Export more goods.  DUH.  How could that be bad?  Seriously?  Now he's talking about strengthening trade agreements.  Invest in skills and education of our people.  Duh again.  

8:40 – Now I'm completely distracted by Biden's tie.  He moved it and it's crooked.  Oh, thank the Lord, he fixed it.  Whew!

8:41 – Increase Pell Grants and tax credits on student loans.  All debt should be forgiven after 20 years on student loans.  

8:45 – Thanking Michelle for tackling childhood obesity.  Way to go, Lady O! 

8:47 – Healthcare!  

8:48 – If anyone has a better idea for healthcare, let him know.  Hmm.  I think I may know a couple of people.

8:49 – We are in a massive fiscal hole.  That doesn't sound good. Someone call FEMA.

8:50 – Sorry, I got distracted again.  How long is this thing anyway?  

8:52 – Obama wants to freeze gov't spending staring next year for three years.  If he has to use his veto power (VETO POWER, Y'ALL!) he will.

8:54 – He wants a bi-partisan fiscal commission.  Shouldn't we have one of those anyway?  I'm just sayin'.

8:55 – How weird is this?  I just got a call from the survey people asking if I trust Barack Obama to protect my gun rights.  I said "I'm sorry, I'm busy watching the president telling me what he's going to do with my money right now" and hung up.

8:56 – We face a deficit of trust.  DAYUM.

8:58 – It's time to require lobbyists to man-up!  For real.  Oh, look it's the Supreme Court!  I always like seeing the Justices.  

8:59 – I like that the Justices do not clap for anything.  They don't have time for that foolishness.

9:00 – He's tal
king party politics.  Says it sows distrust.  How true.

9:02 – It's Steve Forbes!  

9:04 – I think all the talking points are over and it's wrap-up time.  Troops will begin to come home.  Reward good governments.  Joined by allies.  It's Al Franken!

9:08 – Michelle will join with Biden to support military families, they're building a 21st century VA.   Arms control treaty.  No terrorists.  Blah blah blah.  North Korea faces further sanctions and stuff.

9:10 – more Real People anecdotes.  America must stand on the side of freedom.

9:13 – Sounds like he's repealing "don't ask, don't tell."  The military fold didn't clap, but then again – they haven't clapped all night.  I don't think that it's not that they don't like the gays.  I'm sure they like Abba night just as much as anyone.  Jazz hands!

9:14 – Chicks should get paid just as much as dudes.  Hellz yeah!  Show me the money!

9:18 – The only reason we are here is because people weren't afraid to do what was hard, what was uncertain.  

9:19 – I loathe Real People anecdotes.  

9:20 – Thank you, God bless you and God bless the United States of America.  

Kerry's Epilogue:  I realize this isn't a serious blog and I write mostly in jest, but for a moment I'd like to be a little serious.  I've been watching the State of the Union Address since I was 15 or 16 years old and I can't remember hearing less information in an address since ever.  I say that as a card carrying Democrat.  Now, I'm not going into my political beliefs here, because that's not what my blog is about, but I do not understand having the speech if the president has nothing to say.  There were talking points. but surely not enough to take up more than 70 minutes of airtime.  We all know the economy is bad, we all know Americans need jobs, we all know the environment is important – but come on, Americans want to hear more than this.  Americans put faith in you to do your job and they need to hear more about what you're doing.  You owe them that.  Hope is not enough.  

Kerry has now stepped down from her soapbox and is going back to chat with friends on Facebook (or to my dad: "Bookface or whatever you call it").

I'm pretty sure he's just happy.  Jazz hands!

from: oddly specific.   

This happened last night. I do not understand why bras hate me so.

I broke out the new Tim Holtz (or new to me) distressor tool and roughed up this photo of the boy for the Mr. Mustache layout. Fun tool. Fun mustaches.

So, some of my scrapbook posse and I are at Gigi’s crop in Orange Beach and as usual I’ve had the best luck ever. I came with very few pictures, but figured I would upload the ones I wanted to work with and pick the up here. Last night I uploaded to CVS and picked them up today, but all the 5x7s were messed up. They asked me to upload them again. I finally had my photos around 8pm.

Here’s a layout I did of Katie on Christmas morning. Yes, I pink and green for Christmas. With cupcake wrappers.

A little Counting Crows because…

I'm just staring at the ceiling staring back at me, just waiting for the daylight to come crawling in on me.

I have not been sleeping well.  This would be an understatement.

A few of us are heading to Orange Beach in the morning to scrapbook at a resort for a few days.  A beach.  In winter.  Because we're damn geniuses.  

It's been a painful/stressful/chaotic week and I'm in dire need of a break.  I'm hoping for fun, throwed rolls (it's a Lambert's tradition), shopping at the Foley outlets, actual scrapbooking, laughing with friends, pajama night, omelets, sleeping in, not getting lost, and some sweet time away from people who call me mom.

So, I'm at home on a rainy gray Saturday.  I have a cold.  I just took some Dayquil.  I need soup.  Here that, interwebs?  Send soup.  Preferably wonton.  Wonton is my chicken noodle soup of choice.  I'm weird, ask anyone.  Back to me having a cold.  I don't feel well.  My head's all fuzzy and I sneezed 42 times in a row last night and I sound like Stevie Nicks.  Not in a good way.  And I look bad.   That's the worst part of a cold.  My eyes are puffy and my hair looks like the morning after a bad night out at a disco circa 1977.  This is not a good look.  But my voice matches.

I've been playing on the interwebs all morning, trying to get motivated to write the ScrapFest newsletter (that has to actually make sense, so it's best I wait 'til I feel a little better).  I went to the Google to look up the correlation between redheads and migraines, if there is one — but I didn't get that far — because I typed "redheads are" instead of "and" and lookie what popped up in the autocomplete.

 

Redheads Are Not The Freshest Produce In The Aisle is SO the title of my new book.  That I haven't written.  But that's okay.

By the way, I can tell you from personal experience that redheads are not aliens (well, not most of us.  I'm talking to you, Nicole Kidman!), redheads are better, redheads are not descended from cats, redheads ARE going extinct, we're definitely trouble, more sensitive to pain, we are not alien-human hybrids, and we are not mutants.  And most of that is true most of the time.