Sushi, because my people have not exactly set the culinary world on fire.

http://d3gkbha1s7sr56.cloudfront.net/usercards/someEcards-v4.swf

It's killing me that this card says "loose" instead of "lose," but I didn't make it and it IS funny, so I'll let it go.  

If I had a nickel.  

 

I do not believe in horoscopes.  

Horoscopes are written in a vague manner to purposely make you say to yourself, "self, I HAVE been working too hard lately!  I DO need a vacation!"  You will never open the newspaper and read this: Cancer – Did you make that dermatologist appointment?  Those moles aren't going to come off themselves, honey.  And see what he can do about that situation under your eyes because I haven't seen bags like that since Christmas, girl.  

Here comes the confessional part of today's blog.  When I was I don't know, 17 and stupid and looking for answers in anything and everything, I bought a huge horoscope book and learned everything about my sign, Cancer.  It should come to no surprise to you that my sign is the crab.  Hilarious.  At the time, I had no doubt that everything in my daily horoscope somehow applied to my life.  This went on for six months or so until I was reading the Sunday paper (always an avid newspaper reader) and for the first time read ALL of the daily horoscopes and realized they could apply to anyone.  It was like the opposite of the end of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, because my heart shrank three sizes that day.  I was bummed and cynical.  I'd spent six months believing that crap.  Maybe I should be glad I learned this at an early age, because there are grown ass people who believe in that crap.  My apologies if you are a grown ass person who believes in that crap, but I'm only here to help.  

This post was inspired by something that is just THERE when I check my Yahoo email, my horoscope.  I didn't ask for it, it's just THERE.  I read it, laughed, then looked for a couple of more of today's Cancer horoscopes to show you the f*ckery.  I don't know if I've told you this before, but f*ckery is one of my favorite words.  You're welcome.  Oh, and the italicized parts are my comments, for your consideration.

It's all about money today, at least as far as you're concerned. Your mind isn't always on the material world, but for now, it's a good idea to wrangle your finances and prepare for the future.  
SAY WHAT?  It's never all about money for me.  Prepare for the future?  I'm going to be rolling in the BLOG BOOK money by then, baby.

You feel that you've been fighting for a deeper understanding of what you want or believe in. You are now sure to become clear, decisive, and self directed about where you want to be in this respect. This is a great time for setting goals and beginning the journey towards reaching them.  SAY WHAT?  This is lame and can apply to anyone.  Well, unless you're on death row or something, because your journey's pretty much set.

The inventive Aquarius Moon can prompt us to solve a complex problem in an unconventional manner. But our originality won't necessarily help us convince others of the validity of our answers as the Moon forms tense aspects with several planets today. Although we won't likely feel satisfied with the results, we still might accomplish more than we realize with Mars now beginning to build momentum since it turned direct just a couple of days ago.   SAY WHAT?  I'm not astronomer and all I know is that Venus and Mars are alright tonight, Paul McCartney said so in 1975, baby.

2-12 Venus and Mars (Single Edit)

Sweet mother of the Death Star, were those a bunch of bullshit or what?  The last one was just confusing.  I just felt like throwing in one of my favorite McCartney and Wings tunes in for fun.  

Because I'm self-diagnosed ADD, I have to blog, then read other things online, come back to the blog, etc. While perusing The Onion, I noticed their horoscope section.  Oh, goody!  Finally I have found a horoscope that is scarily accurate: The human mind is a thing of startling beauty.  Unfortunately yours is mostly filled with old phone numbers and minor celebrity trivia.

You have no idea.

 

I thought I'd start a new feature here on The Kerry Blog, Fine Art Friday.  

Those of you who know me well know I am nothing if not an art lover, and I've always felt art appreciation is one of the things as humans that separates us from the animals (as well as our ability to accessorize).  

This morning while perusing Etsy.com, I stumbled upon someone who is my favorite new artist and is sure to be yours as well.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Denny, aka Pinky27889.  I believe he is a modern master. I'll let the work speak for itself.  

 
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I believe a painting with words in it is priceless.  Don't you agree?  I'm going to be purchasing some art for friends soon because frankly, I've been to their homes and they could use some real art.  None of this store bought, mass-produced crap.  Denny puts his heart and soul into each work and as he says, "I have decided to insure each shipment and finally figured in the three beers each painting usually takes."  Three beers.   That's dedication, people.

I especially love the first painting and unfortunately, it's been sold.  I'm thinking of asking Denny to recreate it on a bigger scale for me to place over my mantle.  Is it just me or is that a dapper young Bill Clinton?  Probably just me.  

Hope you enjoyed the first Fine Art Friday.  And don't forget to visit Denny's Etsy shop for more art.  

This changes everything.

This is my new Dooney. I try not to have favorites among my bags, like my children, but I’m in love with Georgie here. What? You don’t name your bags?

I saw the link to this spoof on Go Fug Yourself and I must say, this movie has to be made.  Wes Anderson, if you're reading (ha) it is your duty to take over the Spiderman franchise.  

Okay, so it's in July, but still.  I just saw online that the painting Steven Baldwin commissioned of Alec Baldwin for his wedding to Kim Bassinger is for sale on Ebay.  

 

This would look great in my house, y'all.  Right after I have the living room repainted Ice White and put in the bear skin rug and get my stuffed white tiger out of storage.  

If you've been reading for a while, you know I love me some OK Go.  Well, they went and made a Rube Goldberg video version of their song "This Too Shall Pass."  It's pretty spectacular.  And pay attention at the 1:47 mark – those chairs are the same as my kitchen chairs.  Weird!  

Watch.