My middle child thinks purple is a neutral.

My favorite color is houndstooth.

I'm becoming more and more like Ouiser from Steel Magnolias everyday. 

There are things on my grocery list I've never purchased before because I'm brining the turkey this year.  I'm looking forward to using allspice berries.

To brine the turkey I have to find a 5 gallon bucket.  This may be a good time to tell y'all I'm not so swift when it comes to numbers, so I have no idea how big a 5 gallon bucket is or if I have one.  I should probably look into this.

Our letter carrier delivered approximately 42 million catalogs to my house last week.  

My oldest daughter planted corn in my flower bed in front of the house.  She says she planted a kernel.  It is now a six inch tall plant.  I didn't think you could plant just plant a kernel.  

I needed to refresh my memory as to what I need to make my sweet potato pies next week.  I keep my grandmother's sweet potato pie recipe in my email inbox.  I don't care if that's weird.

For the record, sweet potato pie is my favorite pie.  

I hate meringue.  

My mother is coming tomorrow.  Add me to the prayer chain.

The kids are home all week.  Add me to your Mammaw's prayer chain too.

I've lost 30something pounds this year.  This is not tooting any sort of horn; it's that now I'm in this weird stage where my pants are too big, but I don't want to buy new pants yet.  I had a brilliant idea for Diet Pants® that would have the same elastic and buttons on the inside waistband like the kids' pants, but this wouldn't help for the actual fit of the pants.  It may be back to the drawing board for Diet Pants®.  

I should be cleaning something.

For you readers in far away lands like Croatia and the Netherlands, how does this blog translate?  I'm curious.

I bought new drinking glasses today.  I'm never content with the glasses in stores, so I settled on all-purpose pint glasses.  I wish we had a Crate and Barrel here, that's where I found my cow juice glasses that I love so much.  

I could live in a Crate and Barrel.  

I just spent 20 minutes on the phone with AT&T.  They were charging us for roadside assistance and some kind of map service.  We never ordered that.  

Washing slipcovers isn't that fun.

I got a new scale today.  My son asked if he could bring it outside.  Weirdo.

Domesticity will be the death of me.

 

 

 

Thanksgiving is in 4 days.  I am thankful for medication.

Oh, how I love the pink patent Sperrys.

From now on when I walk into a room, I'm greeting people with "hello darlings" as Isaac Mizrahi does on The Fashion Show on Bravo.  This show is nothing less than brilliant.  Mizrahi is the mentor of the designer contestants and supermodel/wife of David Bowie, Iman is the host.  

Iman is channeling Joan Collins in her host role.  When Mizrahi said "it looks inexpensive," Iman cut him off and said "you mean CHEAP!"  

I'm scared of her and kind of love her at the same time.  

The first thing I noticed about this show is that designer contestant, Jeffrey, IS the child of Little Richard.  Or Morris Day.  Or both.  

He is FOR REAL wearing open toe boots with pom pons in this picture as well as one fingerless glove.  

Oh yes he is.

He's a little Desperately Seeking Susan meets Purple Rain.  

Jeffrey darling, never change.  

I love a good magazine.  There is something satisfying about sitting down with a magazine and reading it cover to cover in an hour.  Magazines are great for my attention span and I subscribe to several.  I also have an anonymous  magazine subscription benefactor who has gifted me Southern Living, W, and as of last week, Women's Wear Daily.  I'm not sure what I've done to warrant these subscriptions, but they are quite enjoyable. Today while perusing Jezebel.com, I came across what is sure to be the perfect gift for that special person on your list.  

That special person who just happens to be a pole dancer.

 

Idea #3 Pole Spin Magazine

Now I know what you're thinking: Kerry, this is clearly porn.  Oh, but no.  This is The International Pole Dance Fitness & Lifestyle Magazine.  This is the real deal, people.  I found Jezebel's excerpts exceptional and I learned a lot.  

For instance, I had no idea pole dancers over 40 were called Pole Pumas.  I think it's safe to say I have a new goal four years from now.

Once again, I have found a great gift idea for the interwebs audience.  Stay tuned for Idea #4.  If there are new gifts out there, I will find them.  You can count on me, Pole Puma of 2014.

 

I enjoy the Gold Peak diet tea. Today I noticed one of the ingredients is Tea Essence. Like idea of tea, the soul of tea. I’m going to bottle the Essence of Kerry. It smells like sequins and tastes like cheesecake dipped in rainbows.

I'm posting randomness today.

The school my children attend has an event called Mom's Moments that I attended before Halloween.  The principal always takes pictures.

Halloween is the only explanation for this picture.

I'm using this for my audition as the Joker's sister in the new Batman movie.  

Let's examine this.  Ghostly white – check. Forced giant smile – check.  Lipstick on teeth – check.  Chipmunk cheeks – check.  Top of bra visible – check.  Holding roll of toilet paper — check.  

And to think I was passed up to model in the Victoria's Secret fashion show (again).

For the past two mornings I’ve woken up to see candy wrappers on my kitchen island. No one in the house will admit to eating the candy and I’ve put the Halloween candy in a high cabinet. I hope I’m not sleepeating because I don’t like Skittles.

There was going to be a post here that I'd been working on for two days and was insightful and witty, but I forgot to save it because I haven't learned from the 20 other times I've done the same thing.

So, instead here are two pictures from the Victoria's Secret fashion (ha) show.

 
Thank goodness for Vicki's Secrets!  Now I know what to wear while baton twirling!  I'm wearing the white chaps/pants right now my Adam Ant half-jacket/boustier, only I didn't feel the need to attach a flowing train to distract from my caboose.  Holla.