I thought I'd pass on a site I just discovered. My sense of humor isn't for everyone, so I don't expect everyone to love this as much as I do, but anyway. Here Are The Monkeys You Ordered takes New Yorker cartoons and recaptions them. Some captions are literal, some hilarious. This one is my favorite.
I've put this song up before, but I just love it more each time I play it. It's probably my favorite song of last year. Sorry, Cee-Lo. It's Delta Spirit's "White Table." These guys are good.
And they're not bad to look at either.
Whatchu lookin' at, 21 Jump Street?
For a friend.
It's like Weekend at Bernie's meets The Devil Wears Prada. Not in a good way.
So, this digital short was on SNL last night.
I normally loathe Pee Wee Herman, but this was funny. This video speaks the truth. Anderson's eyes are a national treasure.
It's been a day.
It's been a Xanax martini kind of day. Parker Posey knows what I'm talking about.
This would have been me in high school if we would have had cellphones back in the day. A girl is texting and falls into a mall fountain. Poor thing.
As someone who has no sense of balance, I shouldn't laugh at this, but I did. A lot.
via The Daily What
Neither am I.
via Amy Vernon
I thought it was Friday until three or four minutes ago. Do you know what that means? I have to get up at 6:10 tomorrow morning to get the precious angels ready for school and stand outside in the below freezingness to wait for the bus. Not happy.
The end of the song "Dog" by Ben Folds where he gets a phone call while recording and the chick calls him "a cumquat" makes me laugh.
Have I confessed before that for like a year I thought "pearsandapples" in the Harry and David catalog was some new breed of fruit that was a pear crossed with an apple? It was a box of pears and apples. Have I mentioned that I'm a bloomin' genius?
And I'm not even blond. This is not a crack against blonds. Some of my best friends are blonds. Or bottle blonds.
Why do I write things that let you people know I'm dumber than you already you already thought?
I'm going to get shirts made that say "my blog is big in the Balkans."
I'm not favoring the Balkans — I know you're reading all over the world. In fact, here is the map of recent visitors to the blog.
Shout out to my one reader in Guam!
No readers in Greenland this evening, but the night is young.
I read today that Oprah ate 30 pounds of macaroni and cheese after her movie, Beloved, bombed at the box office and she identified that she was depressed. Oprah, some of us like to call that a good night. 30 pounds of macaroni and cheese, a bottle or two of Kahlua, and a few cases of Thin Mints will get a girl through most anything — breakups, bad hair day, getting fired, Oprah not offering you a show on her new network…
I left out cheesecake. And like I always say, don't ruin it by putting fruit on it. And for the love of Philly, don't let it be blueberries. Don't mess up my cheesecake with antioxidants.
I'm getting "don't mess up my cheesecake with antioxidants" on a tshirt too.
So, today it was announced that because of some kind of bullshit with the moon the zodiac astrology stuff has changed. Now I'm a Gemini instead of a Cancer. I'm no longer a disease. I don't believe in astrology, but if I did I just know this would piss me off.
What's funny is that now people who always believed their horoscope may just notice that those things are pointless. Unless you read the ones on The Onion. Those are hilarious.
The youngest child's teacher sent home a ziplock bag of glitter for a project tonight. Guess who is all sparkly now. Go ahead guess. I'll wait. Yep – it's me.
I'm going on a trip to Orange Beach, AL next week. In winter. On purpose.
I'm packing my bikini and a parka. Just kidding. I own neither.
kerryfaler.blog 