Hold the eff up – Newt Gingrich was bitten by a penguin. What the hell is going on with this election? Maybe the penguin was rabid. I'm starting that rumor right now. Can penguins even get rabies? 

In Brazil, a guy, his wife, and mistress killed women and cooked them up in empanadas. That is some for real Sweeney Todd shit.

Brad and Angelina are engaged. I bet he will have one heck of a bachelor party.

My middle child came home from school today and said she has to do a book report of a biography and asked who I thought she should read about. She also said she can dress up as the person for the presentation. I suggested Dolly Parton because I think she should profile a great woman in history. 

This is on the front page of HuffPo right now:

Seriously, who puts a dog on the roof of a car? Mittens, I am disappointed. 

It is a known fact that if Mitt started going by "Mittens", he would get elected. 

Is this a good time to bring up the fact that HuffPo won a freaking Pulitzer this year? They did. Really. There was no prize awarded for non-fiction, but HuffPo won something. 

In other news, thank goodness Snooki didn't win a Pulitzer. Once again, this here blog was not nominated, probably due to the fact that "Pieced Men in Leatherhot and Gay" is one of the popular keyword searches.

And "pin up girl hammer." 

Tupac performed via hologram at Coachella over the weekend. Can I just tell y'all that I would rather see Tupac or for that matter JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS than the Hank Williams Jr concert I attended with my hubs.

In other news, I am the best wife evah.

Oh, and here is a pic of me at the concert with my noise-canceling earbuds.

listening to The Shins

The earbuds were needed because Hank only sang about getting drunk, getting stoned, partying, and getting (ahem) some.

I should use that pic for the back of my book when it comes out in the summer of nevergonnahappen and fall of bwahahahaha.

I love you, interwebs.

Do you ever get the feeling like Obama feels like George Jefferson when Clinton is around? 

pic from the Daily What

This pretty much sums me up. 

I have several comfort foods. This should not surprise anyone. Most of my favorite comfort foods can be served with cornbread. That is an important detail. My number one is chicken and dumpins. Not dumplings, because my grandmother never said it with a G. Number two would be mashed potatoes. I use Yukon Gold potatoes, cut up and boiled in salty water, and smashed in the Kitchenaid mixer with a stick of butter, cream cheese, and black pepper. I didn't say this was diet food. My third comfort food – M&Ms. 

People Google strange things and land on my blog. I don't know why. These are the most recent search terms for my blog copied from statcounter. 

My #1 is Pin Up Art Girl With Hammer, followed by That's Just Racist, Tattooed and Pieced Men in Leatherhot and Gay. 

I wish I could make fried chicken that tastes like Popeyes. I can't do it. I cannot make fried chicken (and honestly, Popeyes does a fantastic job, so I think I'll just leave it to them anyway.

We've established that I like to cook. My all-time favorite thing to make is Texas King Ranch Chicken Casserole because it's like a Mexican lasgane and it's spicy and cheesy and delicious. And I can eat a lot of it because it's a casserole. Casserole is not a bad word in my opinion. 

Here is the Tasty Kitchen Texas King Ranch Chicken Casserole. (I love a recipe that starts with Rotel tomatoes. Also, sometimes I add a small can of green chiles in addition to the Rotel. I've also put in black olives and put a dollup of sour cream on top of my serving. 

• 1 can Rotel Tomatoes (diced Tomatoes And Green Chiles, 10 Ounce Can)
• 2 cans Cream Of Chicken Soup (10 Ounce Cans)
• 1 cup Sour Cream
• ½ cups Fresh Cilantro, Chopped
• 2-½ cups Shredded Cheddar Cheese, Divided Use
• 1 can Chicken Broth (14 Ounce Can)
• 1 whole Chicken Cooked, Deboned, Cut Up
• 12 whole Corn Tortillas Cut Into Quarters

In a bowl add Rotel, soup, sour cream, cilantro, and 1 cup of cheese. Mix well. Slowly add in 1/2 can of the broth. Check consistency. It needs to be thicker than a pancake batter but not too thick. Add more broth if it seems to thick. I usually end up using the majority of the can. I can always add more cheese if I get it too thin.

In a 12 x 10 or so casserole dish ladle about 1/2 cup of the soup mixture into the dish and spread it around. Put one layer of tortillas on top of the sauce. Next place cut up cooked chicken on top of the tortillas. Don’t use all of the chicken as we will repeat this layer again. Ladle some of the soup mixture on top of the chicken. Continue with this layering; tortillas, chicken, and sauce until all ingredients are used up. You should end up with sauce on top. Take the remainder of the cheese and dump on top of the casserole!

Bake uncovered at 350 degrees (F) for about 45 minutes or until it browns and bubbles. Make sure the middle is hot too!

I thought I’d show y’all how good AT&T’s service is in Da Creek. I’m sitting on my sofa – no service.

My favorite cooking show is The Barefoot Contessa. Not only does Ina Garten make delicious looking food, she makes me want to be neighbors with her. Honestly, her voice is very soothing, kind of like human Valium. And she usually has a gay guest doing some kind of decorating (I'm not exaggerating, this is in almost every episode). It's a magical program, really it is. 

Watch this recent recap in which Ina offers a 2 year-old "truffle butter popcorn" and says "meatballs" 42 times. It's beyond.

This is why Al Gore invented the Interwebs, people. I give you Brad Pitt looking a lot like my sister in the 80s.

Thank you Interwebs Jesus. 

I'm just gonna live this photo of Brad Pitt right here.

found on DListed.