I’ve put a Replacements song on the blog once a few years ago, but tonight is a good night for The ‘Mats. I was first introduced to the band by Centenary College Radio in 1985 with a little song called “Kiss Me On The Bus.” There were many great songs, like “Alex Chilton” and their #1 Alt Rock song “I’ll Be You.” The latter song is off Don’t Tell a Soul and so is my favorite song by The Replacements, “Achin’ to Be.” Enjoy.

At times all we can do is keep breathing.

It’s just a song lyric.

Right this minute it feels as if today were two days. I’ve been awake forever. I had to be in The Woodlands at 9, so I had to leave at 7:30 to make sure I had enough time. My appointment lasted a whole 13 minutes. My psychiatrist said “you’re saying you’re ok, but your face says you’re not and you’re tired.” I barely remember driving home.

Tonight was my son’s last baseball scrimmage. I’m Team mom and we were there until 9. And I didn’t even have nachos.

Now I’m up because I have to have my quiet ME time before I go to bed. I’m watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and I love it. But I need sleep. My doctor said so.

Here are the Cardigans.

This is a busy week in the life of Kerry.

Nothing horrible. Nothing disturbing. Just things that no normal person would blink an eyelash at, but for me they are uncomfortable. You see, as someone with my brand of mental illness (bipolar 2 & generalized anxiety disorder), I’ve built this cocoon around myself that I only leave when I absolutely have to. I don’t like admitting that.

The thing with me is that I have to get out and I get myself wrapped up into worthwhile things I never sought out to do. Usually it’s because I think whatever it is can be done better and that I can do it. That’s not the case this time. I was volunteered into the position of Team Mom on my son’s baseball team. This is a busy week with collecting money, turning in money, and distributing uniforms. For normal people this would not be much of big deal. For me, I have to meet a bunch of new people. Go to new places. Then the overwhelming question: do they know I’m faking it? Faking it being pretending to be a normal person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m currently well — the right meds and clean living help tremendously. But there are days.

I dyed my hair too dark auburn. I hate it. It’s not THAT dark, but it reminds me of when I dyed my hair black my senior year of high school.

Today I was busy driving all over town and doing this baseball team mom stuff. And I’ll be at the ballpark the next three nights.

I’m hungry.

I’m tired.

My hair is too dark.

And I found my favorite red lipstick crushed by a tire on the garage floor. For those of you know know me, that’s a big deal.

I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Dear Readers.

I like to drive and listen to music. Good music. Really loud. If a trip is short, it doesn’t require much volume. One of my favorite drives is 40 minutes away to my psychiatrist’s office, it requires excellent music.

When I made my trip home from the hometown recently, I listened to Mumford and Sons, among other artists. As I’ve mentioned before, when a song really resonates with me, I play it several times in a row. “Believe” is the song that came on around Nacogdoches, TX and I played it for quite a few miles. It’s a pretty perfect song. Enjoy.

After some shopping, I have decided to start a generic brand of foodstuffs and products in plain black and white packaging in a typewriter font called “Cheap Ass.” Get ready to buy your Cheap Ass Bread and Cheap Ass Chocolate Sandwich Cookies That Sure As Hell Ain’t Oreos.

But that’s just the tip of the ass-berg.

In the Cheap Ass brand, you’ll find:

• Cheap Ass Wine in a Box
• Cheap Ass Worcestershire Sauce (I just wanted to write that because how many times I’m your life do you get to write Worcestershire?)
• Cheap Ass I, Like, Totally Can’t Believe This Ain’t Butter
• Cheap Ass Mini-Marshmallows
• Cheap Ass Pimp Juice
• Cheap Ass Macaroni and Cheese *cheese not included
• Cheap Ass Cooler Than Cool-Aid
• Cheap Ass Popsicles Only in Grape Because No One Wants Grape and We Got These Free
• Cheap Ass Cat Food for the Neighboorhood Cat You Keep Feeding
• Cheap Ass Irish Cereal with Shapes You Won’t Recognize
• Cheap Ass N&N’s
• Cheap Ass Crackers
• Cheap Ass Toilet Paper for Dat Ass

So, Dear Readers, I’m going through A LOT right now, a good bit of which I can’t write about, but trust me, I want to. A couple of things are subjects I can write about, but I’m waiting for the right time.

A few months ago I wrote about hate and hey, I need to hate sometimes. But after today it’s time to let it go. I will not let hate define me because it only hurts me. And the same with forgiveness. Choosing to forgive isn’t for the other person or people, it’s for your spirit, your soul.

And maybe it’s as simple as sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. But I’m choosing not to hate.

As usual, there’s a song for that. I was going to pick “Both Sides Now,” which I love, but it makes me ugly cry. Then I remembered a song about rough times and going on. It’s Ingrid Michaelson, whom my Dear Readers know I love to death. The is song is about choosing to repaint. I think that’s a good way to think about it. NOT moving on because do we really move on? But repainting. That’s what I’m doing.

I’m tired. I have bronchitis. I’m sick of coughing. I will probably write more on her later, but this will suffice for now. I’ve written about the incomparable Sharon Jones, who gained some fame in the years before her death. She passed far to early.

I give you Sharon’s take on “What Have You Done For Me Lately?” Enjoy. And go out and buy all her stuff (on tax day I have a special Sharon sing for you).