The pressure is on, people.
Jenn sent in the first entry in the Kerry Blog Ugly-Ass Christmas Decoration Contest. And…it's a video. She went above and beyond for this stupid contest.
If I know my readers, y'all know tacky when you see it, so get the camera and seek out the tackiest yard in your neighborhood. If you need inspiration, view the videos in the left sidebar.
Enter as many times as you wish and include a description (please no addresses of the tacky house). Yea!
EDIT: the Christmas song list below is only one of my mixes — the swing/favorites playlist. Y'all know me — I have several Christmas playlists: rock, Elvis, crooners, and the kids list. So, any song you feel I've left out is most likely on another playlist. I take my Christmas music seriously, because at no point will I turn on the radio to hear Manhiem Steamroller, Barry Manilow, Mariah Carey, or God forbid — John Denver with the Muppets.
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I'm a gift-giving fool, always have been. Receiving gifts is not my thing, I'm a giver. When I see something a loved one would appreciate, I buy it 'cause I like to make to make the people I care about happy. Occasionally I'll make a purchase for the sole purpose of aggravating someone, but most often, it's out of love. When I was younger I hated giving music as gifts, but I view it differently now, especially when the gift is well thought out. So, why not make the Christmas mix cd for your fam or friends so they won't have to listen to the garbage on the holiday radio stations. Here's what I included on my mix, it's fun and it swings, rocks, and rolls.
All of the following songs are available on iTunes (I know 'cause that's where I got them). Go download them for a proper Christmas song education.
Well, that's my list for this Tunes You Need Tuesday. I'm sure there are a few listed that you're not familiar with and maybe this is the season to branch out. Why listen to all the traditional stuff when you can swing? And don't you dare play any Manheim Steamroller or Celine Dion around me at Christmas. I'm not kidding, it's like nails on a chalkboard to hear either of those. So, after the turkey and dressing Thursday, download some Christmas tunes that are fun and just say no to the radio this season.
It's almost that time again. Christmas card time.
You know what that means, you'll get your first card in the mail on December 1st from that overzealous friend or relative and you feel guilty that you haven't even thought about Christmas cards yet. Then the cards start to trickle in, then one day you get 10 of them in the mailbox and you look at the calendar and think, "if I send cards today people will get them in time." But you forget about it because you get caught up reading the cards you've received. The cards, photo cards, and holiday family newsletters are too much. I sent photo cards last year, but this year I've found the best Christmas cards in the history of ever.
A while back I posted some things by Anne Taintor, she creates "vintage revisited" products that are witty and just snarky enough to please me. I've always had a love-hate relationship with Christmas cards. Each Christmas I remember when I read Less Than Zero for the first time and how I loved the Christmas party invitation Clay receives at the beginning of the novel. Not that I would ever send a card as tacky as F*** Christmas, and the rest of it — but I appreciate the humor of it. Every year I try my best to find the perfect card and sadly, I'm never satisfied with the ones I send. Anne Taintor apparently had the same problem, because her cards are the ones I'd write if I had a card company.
Who wouldn't love to get this? "So much depended on how one defined
'naughty'." That's awesome. You know you'd like to send that card to someone. You know you do. You're thinking of that person right now, aren't you? I thought so. I love the images on the cards. All of them are from vintage ads and the women are real people. On Taintor's site she catches up with some of the ladies dubbed the "Taintorettes" and you get to see what they're up to now. Very cute.
This one is great. "'gay apparel' was putting it mildly." Nothing quite says holiday like emasculating Christmas cards. I love that Taintor brings up the Christmas song that everyone giggles on the inside about just a little bit when you hear it. Times have changed, can we think of something else besides "don we now our gay apparel?" Really, come on.
Ever wonder what sort of card to send your couple friends of mixed faiths? Do you send a Christmas card and a Chanukah card? Do you choose which one to go with? That's a pain. In that case I always feel it's best to address the obvious and go with a card like this. "Now was probably not the best time to tell the kids they were Jewish." Perfect. Now if there was matching wrapping paper, you'd be set.
While you're at it you might as well be honest and say how you really feel. Honesty is the best policy, I always say. That's how I live my life. Why be any different at the holidays? Christmas can be a difficult time for family gatherings, I know I've had my share of awkward situations and such, who hasn't? And being the honest person I am, it can make for unwanted and unpleasant conversations — but that's where medication comes into play.
Everyone knows I'm medicated, for a while it was on the down-low, but I was outed, so hell, why not put it out there in card from and tell everyone how I feel about the holidays. "Fortunately, she had remembered to stock up on Prozac before going home for the holidays." I couldn't have said it better myself, well, unless I named my actual meds! If you send this card, chances are your family knows you have to be on something to spend the holidays with them. Heck, I have to be on something to spend time by myself, let alone other people.
I'm keeping the card I ordered for close friends under wraps, not gonna spoil the surprise, not even for the blog. It was hard to pick between all the superfantastic cards. I did like this one a lot, but I chose a different sentiment. I can't wait to send it. I spent a long time on the Anne Taintor site, shopped for Christmas pressies for my girlfriends and got a notepad for myself. My notepad says "old enough to know better…too young to give a rat's ass." Too bad that's not a Christmas card.
I so need my own card line. You listening Hallmark? I'm a hard worker, well, when I want to work anyway. I don't work in the rain. Or early mornings. Or when I just don't feel like it. But I'd be a great card writer. I can illustrate as well. So, give me call if you need a new card line, just don't call to early, I like to sleep in. And I prefer to work at home, in my pajamas. Don't judge.
I’m trying out Typepad just for fun. Let me know whatcha think of the design and layout. I think I like it better, but I’m never sure, so I need some help to decide. Look around, and leave a comment. I have a couple of days left on my trial subscription, so we’ll see if move from WordPress.
I’m back from the trip and taking today to relax a little and just hang out around the house. Back to reality and Andrew climbing in our bed at night. I thought y’all might enjoy a trip wrap-up.
We left Thursday at noon for Birmingham and thanks to Melissa’s lady (GPS) we didn’t get lost. It helps if you program it before you leave, which was not the case on a previous trip (we can learn). The drive was about 5 hours, which was about 4 hours too long for me, but I passed the time playing on Facebook, so it was ok. I hadn’t slept the night before and I can’t sleep in cars, so I was super tired by the time we got to Birmingham. We checked into the hotel and headed to the Galleria, even though my bed looked really nice and comfy. We ate at a place called Stix, a Japanese habachi place and it was yummy. They brought out salads with a weird dressing I didn’t like, so I didn’t eat it — then one of the strangest things happened. The server asked if I was finished, I said yes, then she offered the salad to Beth. How freakin’ weird is that? Little Japanese lady giving Beth seconds. She took my salad, turned to Beth and asked if she wanted it, like it was just out of the kitchen. What if I had sneezed on it or something? It was weird, but not as weird as that time the ketchup bottle exploded all over me in Georgia. Here’s a pic of Beth finishing my salad:
I’m glad she liked it. Look how watery the dressing is. Yuck. That’s Melissa on Beth’s left. Melissa is the bomb — she also won the “decorate your lunch box” contest at the crop. Anna Bess won the layout contest, and I won bingo, we had the luckiest table ever. Well, Melissa and Anna Bess had talent, I just had luck.
So, after dinner we went to the Galleria. Macy’s was open late — I’m guessing because they knew we were coming. AB bought pajamas and insisted they were lounge wear. Looked like pjs to me. I perused the plus-sized section of Macy’s looking for yoga pants, but all of them were too long, but I did find Apple Bottom jeans. If you don’t know about Apple Bottoms, here’s your education:
Yes, those are apples on her butt. Most of the jeans have apples on the ass, in various colors, styles, etc. I was strangely drawn to them, but I couldn’t bring myslef to buy them. The irony was killing me. I think I stood there looking at them in disbelief for 10 minutes, just thinking “why?” What’s next? Banana Front jeans for men? Oh, hell, no.
I made my way into the mall and it was fab. Went to Lane Bryant, no yoga pants. Megan called me and we met at the Children’s Place, then I headed out to find pants when I encountered the carnies of the mall, the kiosk people. There’s nothing that makes me want to punch somebody in the throat more than someone coming after me with a flat iron and going “hey pretty lady—” If I would have had a taser, I’m telling you, I would have used it. It got even better when Anna Bess joined me and the kiosk people went after both of us. All of us ended up back at Macy’s and I got a new pair of brown suede Merrell mary janes and a pair of earrings. I used restraint and didn’t buy a purse. Then of course, we found the Apple vending machine, which I still think is the coolest.
Let’s see. Friday we went to the crop, it was fun. I posted stuff from the crop. That night we went to a Mexican restaurant and had the best service any of us had ever had. I’m not exaggerating. For realz. I never ran out of tea and I lost count after I had my 6th glass of iced tea. I was some thirsty ’cause I forget to drink when I’m scrapbooking. If I were a dork, I’d say that’s ’cause I’m in the zone. Anyway, we had a good time and called the manager over to tell him how good the service was. He was a cutie. He asked where we were from, we said Louisiana and he asked “Shreveport?” Now, that’s my home town, but when you think of Louisiana, is Shreveport the first city that comes to mind? No. That was funny. If I met someone and said “where ya from?” and they said Texas, I wouldn’t say “oh, Beaumont?” Where ya from? Tennessee. Oh, Pigeon Forge?
Saturday was a better day at the crop, had a good time. That evening was the silent auction and Melissa got into a bidding war with some hussies for a Christmas door hangie-thing. You don’t want to get into a bidding war with her. She will win. There were samples of projects made by the Scrap Etc design team and I wanted to buy one of them and I was told it wasn’t for sale. Excuse me? Oh, everything has a price. There was no talking to this woman. She wouldn’t sell me the thing. If there’s anything I hate, it’s a “no.” I can’t stand being told I can’t do something. Or buy something. It’s not like it was the Hope diamond, for crying out loud.
Yesterday we drove home. The trip home was full of fun. I’m not sure which part I liked most. It’s a toss up between when we stopped for drinks at a fast food place called Ward’s that not only offered nachos with the orange cheese, but also had pork chops on the menu as well as wireless internet. Or it could be having to use the men’s restroom at the Picayune, MS Taco Bell. There was a sign on the women’s door that read “CLOSED sorry for the inconvenience.” No, I don’t think they know how inconvenient it was to have to use the men’s room. Believe me when I tell you I touched nothing in that place with my skin. I can’t think of a word gross enough to describe it. Okay, well, none I feel comfortable writing, you get the picture. I really don’t know how men use the men’s restroom. I’m getting the heebie jeevies thiking about it, so moving on.
The fam was happy to see me and neither the kids nor Scott have asked to see any of the work I’ve done, so the next time I take a scrapbooking trip, I may really go to a spa or a shopping trip or a rendevous with a certain someone who’s a silver fox on CNN. Or Patrick Dempsey, he’s a hottie from back in the day. Totally my type. Tall, dark, and dyslexic.
In Macy’s tonight we found an Apple vending machine! Ok, I’ve never seen it before, maybe they’re everywhere, I don’t know. I left my earbuds at home, so I used the vending machine. Check in out.
I debated on whether or not to post this, it’s been a weird day. Too much to go into, so I’ll spare you.
This afternoon, among other things, I’ve been downloading tunes for my trip and came across one of my favorite songs and I thought I’d share. It’s “Space Age Love Song” by A Flock of Seagulls (AFOS for those in the know). I think it’s a beautiful little song, simple little love song, simple perfection. You may disagree and that’s okay, friends disagree from time to time, even interwebs friends. Anyway, it’s a little Tunes you Need Tuesday on Wednesday. This is a song that always makes me smile and I thought I’d share. And the fact that WordPress doesn’t allow me to post just a music file and that I have to post a video is my small gift to you: the gift of bad 80’s hair and bad special effects. Oh, you’re welcome, no — really, no need to thank me.
Found this at Stein Mart yesterday. Would it be rude to put them out for guests? I need to brush up on my etiquitte — what does Emily Post say about printed coctail napkins?
Well, party people, I warned you if I didn’t have a Tunes suggestion I’d resort to the Pretty in Pink soundtrack and away we go. Ok, so not just the soundtrack, but I’ll get into that in a minute.
Pretty in Pink just about defined my life after 1986 and I spent the better part of my teens looking for the Blaine to my Andie, but that just wasn’t to be. I can’t sew a prom dress, have no friends named Duckie, and I’ve never met Andrew McCarthy. Guess what? I don’t live in a movie and they need to have a caution statement at the beginning of teen romance movies. The soundtrack is, I suppose, what turned me onto New Wave, as the kids called it back in the day. It starts off with “If You Leave” by OMD, which really should be the last song on the album if you ask me. It’s a classic, the prom scene song. Next is “Left of Center” by Suzanne Vega of “My Name is Luka” fame. “Left of Center” is probably the biggest outsider sond I’ve ever heard, with the lyric, “and if they ask me ‘what are you looking at?’ / I’ll always answer ‘nothing much, not much’ / I think they know that I’m looking at them /I think they must think I must be out of touch” — that’s written by someone who was not asked to prom, I can almost promise you. INXS, New Order, Jesse Johnson, and Belouis Some are all on the soundtrack and Psychedelic Furs’ “Pretty in Pink” is there, of course. It’s a great song, originally recorded in 1981. The song came before the movie, and in 1986, they band re-recorded a version of “Pretty in Pink” for the soundtrack of the film, which became their biggest hit ever in the UK .
The two stand-outs for me on the album are “Bring on the Dancing Horses” by Echo & the Bunnymen and “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” by the smiths. I’m posting a YouTube video of the smiths, so you can hear “Please Please Please–,” it’s a beautiful, somber song sung by Morrissey and company. Short song, less than two minutes, but packed with melancholy desperation with the lyric: “Please please please let me get what I want, Lord knows it would be the first time.” And if the tune sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve heard the instrumental version by The Dream Academy in the museum scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The 80’s were good times.
It’s a CD I can’t live without, really. In 1986, I had the cassette tape, wore it out. Bought another one, loaned it to a friend, never got it back. Bought the CD probably at the end of high school, like a fool, loaned it to another friends, never got it back. Bought the CD again in college and have had that copy for 12+ years, and no, you can’t borrow it. I love you the best, but go get your own copy. I’ve also had bunches of copies of the movie, I think I have two now — one being purchased in Canada with a French language track, so if I want to relearn French…
The only problem I have with the soundtrack is that it’s missing the band Molly Ringwald asked John Hughes (director) to audition, the Rave-Ups. The Rave-Ups were the bomb. You saw them as one of the bar bands in the movie, singing “Rave Up/Shut Up” and “Positively Lost Me.” Love that. It’s only available now on a Rhino Records 80’s compilation CD that I can’t believe I don’t have. And it’s not on iTunes. Oh, and in Sixteen Candles, Molly Ringwald has the Rave-Ups written on her binder as she’s walking in the school hallway. How’s that for movie trivia? And I know all that from the useless knowledge in my brain, or as call it, Kerripedia. The Rave-Ups never were really played on anything but college radio, so they’re lost on most everybody. I had one of their albums, Chance, at one time and it was good. Here’s “Positively Lost Me” from YouTube.
That song is superfantastic. It’s obviously a break-up song, but I love the list of what the girl’s lost, including honesty, dreams, and his confidence. Good stuff. I’ll end it there. I’m an 80’s geek, what can I say? And I’d bet big money I would beat you at Trivial Pursuit because all my life all of my pursuits have been trivial ones.
That’s it. I’m off like a dirty shirt.
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