oh, I forgot to tell y’all, I’ll be here on Oscar Sunday

Since my lovely readers enjoyed my live blogging the Golden Globes, I'm going to live blog the Oscars on Sunday. As usual, I don't know when it starts (wait, the time is on the poster — ok, I'm set), I haven't seen all the films nominated (what do you want from me? I'm busy — I have 3 munchkins to take care of and I have to check Facebook at least 400 times a day), I'm not having an Oscar party (but I will have appetizers and a beverage), but I'll be here on my sofa, blogging it all for you. I'm all about the people. See you Sunday!

PSB perform at the Brit awards

The Pet Shop Boys just performed at the Brit awards and I'm loving the medley they did. I'm not loving Lady Gaga messing with Dusty Springfield's part of "What Have I Done to Deserve This," but Brandon Flowers (of the Killers) could totally do a PSB cover album — I'd buy it. Here's the video!

my new strategy and a new feature: Sunday Rewind

There are times when I would like nothing more than to not speak throughout an entire day. Those days would require some sort of explanation, preferably one that could be read by people from a distance, say a message on a shirt. That message would be:

I believe wearing a shirt like this would keep people away, or at least at a distance. I love that this isn't even a tee shirt. I'll be sure and wear my low-rise jeans that are a size too small with it as to have the "muffin top" effect. I think that makes the outfit.

It reminds me of the "Frankie Say Relax" Frankie Goes to Hollywood tee from back in the day. I think I need one of those, too. And the "Choose Life" tee from the Wham! video. I really need the Wham! shirt. Yes, I definitely need that one.

Which brings to mind an idea, I'm thinking of starting a new feature on the Kerry Blog. I'm not sure what to call it, but the idea is after a radio station in Atlanta I loved that had "Resurrection Sunday" and played all '80s music for a few hours. Love love love that. I'm not stealing the title, never liked the title, but love the premise — with a Kerry Blog twist. Now, this is purely for entertainment purposes, not for education as I will not be introducing bands to you as I do on Tunes You Need Tuesdays. No, our Sunday Rewind will be all about the '80s with a few '90s leftovers and because I'm a girl, I'm sure will be full of a lot of my old crushes from back in the day.

Our inaugural Sunday Rewind kicks off with one of my faves, Wham! I love me some Wham! I love the era of Wham! as well, back when George Michael was the hottest guy on the planet and I thought I could grow up and be one of the Wham! back-up singers. Today's song is "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" because it features some of my favorites: George Michael's perfect hair, the Choose Life tees, the gloves, saxophones, black-light and neon stuff, and The Short Shorts. Oh, The Short Shorts! Here you go-go!

Here's a bonus for your Sunday: the Wham! Rap. This is one of my all-time favorites. How can you not love a song that celebrates unemployment and looking cool? That's all kinds of awesome. This is the original version of the song, not the one released in the US (oh, crap, I slipped some song education in there, didn't I?) . Anyrap, pay attention to the fashion in the video — it's worth watching to see George Michael and Andrew Ridgely in capris. I'm serious. And it's George before the blonde highlights. You're welcome.

my birthday’s not until July, but…

In case you're looking for the perfect birthday gift for me or something to give for redheaded blogger's day — here's the item that has made its way to the top of the old wish list in record time. May I present Aretha Franklin's Inauguration hat.

Here's Luke Song, the dude who made ReeRee's hat. You know She picked Luke Song strickly for his name. ReeRee's like that, she wakes up in her big house in Detroit and wants a hat — she goes to her man Luke Song.

If you've been reading the Kerry Blog for more than 10 minutes you know I love my Aretha. She and I have a connection. How can you not love the woman who gave the BEST quote in the history of the big woman: "I'm a big woman, I need big hair." Yes, that is my motto, but you knew that. I love her. And I love her hat. It looks like it's trimmed in marcasite, it's not, but Mr. Song made it look like it is because Mr. Song is that effing talented.

And so in honor of Aretha, here's "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man." Why? Because it's my favorite, that's why and this is my damn blog. And because this is probably the first Aretha song I identified with as a young woman, since I had more than a couple of crappy boyfriends until Scott came along. This song is just perfect and lovely. Unfortunately, the only video of Aretha singing "Do Right Woman" had its embedding disabled, so I had to settle for just the song. And yes, I did think of lipsynching to it and taping myself for you wearing some kind of hat and showing lots of Aretha-like cleavage, but that would be silly wouldn't it? As if that's stopped me before. Tee hee hee.

what to wear for the inauguration

For as long as I can remember I've been a news and politics junkie. My family didn't particularly follow politics, there were never any News Week magazines around the house, we didn't talk current events around the dinner table — but I loved the stuff. During election season I was always hooked to the tv watching the debates, election night returns, inauguration, and the balls. My favorite was the MTV inaugural ball with Natalie Merchant and Michael Stipe singing "To Sir With Love" in 1993 — it was Clinton's year. And you don't have to be a Clinton fan to love that.

But as much as I love politics and the whole spectacle of the pomp and circumstance, I've never donned at campaign t-shirt or put a bumper sticker on my car.

That may change.

I have found what may be the most evil-genius political shirt in the history of our nation. It's the Obama riding a unicorn tee. You can pick one up from Chris Bishop.

It isn't often I wish I had come up with an idea or image I've seen, but this is one of them.

Nothing says "welcome to the era of change" like Obama riding a unicorn. He's bringing change, and he's bringing it on a magical mythical creature!

Now, you don't have to be a Democrat to think this is superfantastic. If it was Sarah Palin on a unicorn, I'd be saying the same thing. But being a hunter, she would probably shoot the unicorn or whatever mythical beast on her t-shirt. I think she would probably choose a pegasus, you know, for those long flights back and forth to Alaska. Definitely a pegasus. And John McCain would pair best with a griffin. George Bush probably thinks jackalopes are real, so let's put him on a shirt with a jackalope. For the badass of the group, Cheney — it's Cheney and the chupacabra, 'cause those things are damn scary. I'm sure I'll have nightmares tonight just for thinking about them. And Cheney for that matter.

Speaking of nightmares, have you seen the trailer for the new movie where the chick is haunted by her unborn dead twin? Man, is that some freaky or what? I'm never going to get to sleep tonight. Chupacabra, Cheney, and that freaky movie will have me up 'til the middle of the night, I'm sure. I'll be up ordering t-shirts. I'll get one for you, don't worry.

what the hell Friday: carry that weight

When I posted my new year's resolutions last week (has it been 2009 for a week already? Damn) I'm sure a few of you thought "ok, where's the 'lose weight' resolution?" Well, I didn't make that a resolution. It's not because I don't want to lose weight, it's because after 20 years of being on some type of diet or another, I've decided not to make it a resolution. Yes, it's been on my list for 20 years. What the hell? That's either pathetic or — well, it's pathetic. So, no, it's not a resolution.

What I have decided to do is be healthier in 2009 and not make my weight the center of it all. Why? Because of Oprah.

Did you miss the headline? It made CNN! Good grief, Oprah gained weight. The nation's economy is in the toilet, we're in a war, Osama's still out there, Israel's attacking Gaza again — but stop the presses! Oprah has hit 200 pounds.

This is O on the cover of O. Does she look horrible? No. Sure, the purple outfit is doing nothing for her, but she looks fine. This is what O had to say on the matter: "I can’t believe that after all these years, all the things I know how
to do, I’m still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and
think, `How did I let this happen again?’" Maybe it's because your body is not meant to be 140 pounds. I'm not advocating being heavy, but starving yourself and having to workout to the degree Oprah did to stay the weight you diet down to is unhealthy as well.

For instance, I'm 5'2" and according to several weight charts I'm supposed to be 128 pounds. A friend of mine who happens to be a doctor said that would be tiny for me and I agreed. I was 128 pounds when I was in 7th or 8th grade, which was before I had hips (you're thinking I was going to say "and boobs," but no, I had already had the boobs). So, no, I don't think 128 pounds is my "ideal" weight. Ideal maybe if I go on Survivor for fat chicks and lose half my body weight, maybe — but no, 128 isn't gonna happen. Nope.

Just for fun, I uploaded a photo of me taken a few minutes before my date picked me up for prom senior year. Let's look at what I would consider my ideal weight, shall we.

The pic is taken at an angle, so it's weird, but whatev. And yes, I really am that pale. And that was the year I made a brilliant decision to dye my hair black at Halloween with the wash-out in 24 shampoos hair color, only it didn't wash out, so that was as light as it got. What the hell? I was an effing genius — really, I don't know how I made it through that year with all the stupid things I did. I was 18 and I'm guessing 160 lbs. I looked normal, looking back, of course. But at the time I was depressed beyond belief and had zero self esteem (and obviously no posture to speak of — look at those shoulders). At 18 I hated the way I looked because I thought I was fat. Now, if I was a good blogger, I would photshop in a pic of me now looking at my 18 year-old self and do a magazine cover mock-up like the O cover. But, I'm not going to do that because I'm lazy. My point is, hindsight is 20/20. Always has been. By the way, I don't know what I was thinking straightening my hair that night because it rained and I looked like a poodle by the time we got to prom. Oh, and look at those skinny ankles — is it any wonder I've sprained them a hundred times?

We can't dwell on what was any more than we can worry about the future. Sure, I looked a lot better then, but I was 18. I wasn't a happy girl. It took years to figure out my happiness isn't connected to my weight and it shouldn't rule my thoughts, although it does much of the time. If I beat myself up over my weight it only makes me want to eat cookies. Like half a bag of cookies.

Instead of Oprah asking how she "let" herself gain weight, a better message would be to be happy and healthy at whatever point in life you are, whatever age you are. I'm going to eat healthier this year and start walking and stuff. That's not mind-blowing, it just makes sense that if I don't want to have a lot of the problems overweight people deal with as they age, I should get healthier for health's sake. That's not because I'm unhappy with the way I look, hell, as you can see at 18 I had the double chin — it's about being happy with who I am and treating myself better.

And treating myself better also has to deal with how I view myself. I am not my weight. I am not my dress size. I am Kerry: wife, mother, daughter, friend, superfantastic woman in the here and now. And that's pretty good. I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that.

For your Friday, I'm leaving you with two more pictures from an artist I just discovered a few days ago through one of my favorite blogs, Manolo for the Big Girl. The artist is Kal Barteski and she was an instant fave the second I saw her art. It's empowering and smart, pretty and soulful — and I love art that is all those things.

Barteski calls these "tiny art" and these are my two favorites.

This one says:

"she was the one who couldn't see /she was the one who didn't know/ compassion was curvy/ experiences experience was heavy/ beauty was within her/ so much beauty."

If I would have seen this as a teenager it would have turned a lightbulb on inside my head. I'm sure of that. There were no messages for girls like this in the early 90's. There were no girls that looked like me in magazines. There were no body acceptance blogs, that was a few years later.

I'm loving the tiny art.

The tiny art on the right says:

"she loved/ she loved and loved/ with every inch in every way/ en masse/ and all and every/ undeniable/ unbelievable/ indisputable/ incomparable beauty./ so much beauty"

If you don't think that's awesome, just go put on some Britney Spears and read Cosmo or eat some Cheetos, 'cause I got nothin'.

I'm serious.

Okay, if you're still with me, I'll post some scrapbookie stuff this weekend and we'll have some fun. Your assignment for this weekend is to be happy with yourself, or at least start on that path.

I'm happy being me and I'm happy you're here. I like you the best. But you already knew that.

Baton Rouge randomness

Frugal Beth and I went to the scrapbook store in BR today and I thought I'd share some sights.

EDIT: Here's the explanation, sorry if you viewed earlier before I finished the post.

See the truck in the pic? This lovely vehicle was in front of us on
I-12 and we pondered the word written on the tailgate. It said
"unneutered." I won't pretend I understand that one, no way. I would
think, however, if one had not been neutered, one would have no reason
to advertise this fact. As I say often, maybe it's just me, I'm not
sure. I love that spellcheck is telling me "unneutered" isn't a word.
If only the driver of this truck had spellcheck.

I
do apologize for not having a photo of my next random BR moment, but I
messed something up and deleted the pic. Anyidiot, when we pulled into
the strip center where the scrapbook store was, we saw the Get Off My
Nerves Chiropractor. Yes, that was the name of the place.

There was also a tattoo parlor in the strip center, but we ran out of
time and didn't get tattoos. Beth was going to get an angel on one
shoulder and a devil on the other, and I hate that we didn't have time
for that. I would have gotten the Hello Kitty Ninja tattoo. Because
although I am cute like Hello Kitty, I am also fierce and unpredictable
like a ninja. But you knew that. This pic is from hellokittyhell.com
— great site. You can also see the Hello Kitty Boba Fett tattoo as
well as the Hello Kitty is my Jesus tattoo. My Hello Kitty Ninja will
do just fine, thank you.

I'm
off to take some cold medicine. I'm sorry I didn't have a Tunes you
Need Tuesday today, but I simply can't think with my head feeling like
a balloon. Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow and give you something
halfway decent to read.

tunes you need Tuesday: try a little tenderness edition

I love music with soul. There's nothing like music you can feel, that stirs something in you and one guy who did that like no one else (as far as I'm concerned) is Otis. Otis Redding is and was the best at what he did and what he did was make you feel what he was feeling and as an artist, what could be better than that?

Otis was born in Georgia and grew up in Macon, a town the hubs and I lived in for a couple of years before Molly was born. I don't know what it was about that town, but a lot of musicians came out of Macon. The Allman Brothers, Mike Mills and Bill Berry of REM, and Little Richard are also from Macon — and the kazoo was invented there in the 1840's. It's also home to Capricorn Records, which is pretty cool. And the Georgia Music Hall of Fame is there as well, if you're ever in Macon for some reason (I really can't think of why you would be unless you were attending Mercer or Wesleyan or if you have family there) you should check it out, it will be well worth your time.

Back to Otis. So, Otis said he entered the music business because of Little Richard, who was a big influence on him and wound up recording a few of the best loved songs anyone has ever recorded. Everyone knows "(Sittin' on the) Dock of the Bay" and "Try a Little Tenderness," and I'm sure everyone my age remembers the scene in Pretty in Pink with Duckie lip synching and dancing to "Tenderness." But did you know he wrote "Respect" — the song my girl Aretha ReeRee Franklin is known for? But my favorite Otis song is "I've Been Loving You to Long," followed closely by "I've Got Dreams to Remember" and "Cigarettes and Coffee." Those songs are all soul and better than nearly anything that you would hear on the radio today. I have to admit, I really don't listen to the radio because a lot of the music is annoying and over done, over mixed, and just over. I like music with passion, expression, great lyrics, great melody, and emotion and Otis has it all.

So, here's a little Otis Redding for your Tuesday, and because I obviously can't figure out how to post an audio clip, I'm pulling videos from Youtube, which isn't ideal for listening, but it's the best I can do for now. Happy Tuesday.

ugly is a four letter word: Jennifer’s entry in the Ugly Ass Christmas Decoration Contest

When I announced this contest I had no idea it would cause such a stir. Who knew from that as far away as across town Jennifer would take camcorder in hand and go in search of what may be the flockin' tackiest house I've ever seen (flockin': def a synonym of the F word to be used around the holidays. etymology: according to Jenn, her husband and bro-in-law invented the word in this manner — Christmas + tree + cursing = flockin').

Here in Jenn's own words is her description. Enjoy and don't forget to comment.

I remembered that one street over from mine was this house that
was decorated in years past, and lo and behold, like manna from heaven,
this is what I found.

Now this lot is no more than 75×125 and every inch of it is
covered in crap! Not only are there the inflatables, the Baby Jesus and
his peeps, animated Santa waving his hand, the blinding flashing
snowflakes but hark! What's that in the garage? A sheet of plexiglass
with a plethora of more crap! With music! (The music you hear in my
video is not from my car but their house! How would you like to live
next to these freaks?)

Oh and so much for being stealthy! I had already gotten some shots
and greedily circled back to get more and the homeowner walks out to
fix the gi-normous Frosty! Oops!

Editor's note: please note that the garage has been turned into a life-sized diorama. This better not get out to my neighbors or that kind of crap will be all over my subdivision and I'll be forced into a life of crime. I'll be the Robin Hood of Christmas decorations. I'll steal from the tacky and give to well, an undisclosed dumpster. Or I may set them up on friends lawns for fun. Or give them to a couple of my friends way up north in Bossier City to use for shooting practice. Anymisdemeanor, at least I wouldn't have to see them anymore.

Christmas shopping guide: idea #5 (you know you want these edition)

I don't know if I've introduced y'all to www.coolmompicks.com or not, but you can find great sites and products you otherwise wouldn't have known about on there. Today I stumbled on www.justjenndesigns.com, which I found while perusing the misc paper products section of Cool Mom Picks.

Do you ever feel like saying what you're thinking? What you're really thinking. You know, when that Somebody asks you to volunteer (don't get me started on how the word volunteer means you aren't asked or talked into something). Anytorture, I often send notes of thanks or notes that should be of thanks, but the person I'm writing to was more of a pain than anything else. That's why I'm ordering these notes. I particularly like the one that says "punk ass." I'm thinking of someone to send that to right now and the expression on their face would just be priceless. Oh, if I had the nerve. Knowing me, I'd write the note, address it, put the stamp on it and carry it in my purse for a year.

But, I would wear these or pin them to a scrapbook bag anyway. I used to have tons of buttons on jean jackets, but now I pin them on my scrapbook bags, 'cause that's how I roll. Again, the "punk ass" one is awesome. I also love "thug life." I'm laughing my evil genius laugh right now. I think I have to have these. Totally necessary to pimp out my bags. Check out www.justjenndesigns.com for more hilarity.