It's Kerry here with your summer birthday gift guide for those hot people in your life born in June, July, and August. You may know someone with a birthday coming up, don't worry – I'm here to help.
Maybe the person on your list is a purse aficionado. I'm not naming names. How cute is the Vera Bradley Reversible Tote in Make Me Blush?
The side pockets are perfect for an iPhone and keys.
Did I mention it's reversible?
That's like getting two purses.
I mean, really.
FYI: "Make Me Blush" (by L'oreal) happens to be the shade of pink lipstick I wear. Coincidence? I think not.
I've mentioned I'm moving. Among other things, I'm looking for new curtains for the living room/family room, dining room, and kitchen – but it's this rug that caught my eye.
And this one would be great for a doctor's waiting room.
Okay, maybe not.
Yes, these are real rugs and you can find more at Dan Golden's site. He may be a genius.
That's right. I've found the perfect gift for ALL of my friends, and I do mean all. Shopping for my friends is hard mostly because I'm very particular when it comes to gift giving. I consider gift giving to be one of my strong suits. It's a gift. I have a knack for gifts. Last year for Christmas I found fabulous patterned market totes and had them monogrammed for my scrabooking friends. I also gave Mom Agendas and monogrammed Pottery Barn Christmas ornaments. But not this Christmas. This Christmas my friends will be cookin'.
I was perusing the Amazon.com last night and came across what has to be the most intriguing celebrity cookbook I've seen: Cookin' with Coolio.
*I did not Photoshop this. Seriously.
You know you need The Ghetto Gourmet. Let's take a look at the Contents.
Now, who doesn't want to become a kitchen pimp? Thank goodness that's chapter one! I thought I'd have to wait 'til the end for that. Appetizers for That Ass has to be a good one, as does Salad Eatin' Bitches (Crazy Pollo Salad "easily serves 4 crazy motherf****ers"). Coolio uses "dime bags" instead of teaspoons and has instructions such as "beat those eggs like a Mother#$%&er who crossed you" or "spin them around like a stripper on a pole." Martha Stewart he is not.
So, friends, start looking forward to your Christmas gift. Oh, and don't worry, Will — it's on the Kindle as well.
Never let it be said that I'm not one to help a sistah out. Do you still need an idea for your Valentine? Well, look no further, my friend.
First, my favorite scene from Anchorman.
Ladies, now you can buy Sex Panther for your Valentine. That's right, the cologne that stings the nostrils…in a good way and is illegal in nine countries. It's made of bits of real panther, so you know it's good. And for you men, remember — 60% of the time, it works EVERY time.
If you're a word nerd or design geek like me (and let's face it, I'm writing this post for myself, because I want someone to give me one of these for Valentine's Day), you might find a Valentine must-have in my Valentine round-up.
I want someone to send me this card.
And this drop-dead gorgeous letterpress print from Daily Drop Cap would look great in my scrap office. I'm just sayin'.
How great is that? I find type sexy, you got a problem with that?
Shut the front door. Can you handle that action? I'll be needing the 15 inch in red, please. I said please. And it's in Valentine red, even. I can't take it.
And for Photoshoppers, how can you not love this set of magnets? I must confess, I'm in Photoshop so much, I think in these little boxes. It's quite sad.
Yep, looks like my computer screen most of the time.
From computers to typewriters, my standing ultimate Valentine gift has to be the Olivetti Valentine. It's one sexy Valentine.
I can't tell you how much I love this silver watch bracelet from 39 Metal Work Shop. It's just a bracelet, but as a watch person, I love it. A lot. I've worn a watch everyday of my life since I was probably 11, with the exception of my wedding day, but I maybe would have worn this bracelet (yeah, I would have).
It's late. Like 12:44 am late. And I've got my 80's playlist going — The Commodores "Night Shift" is on, y'all.
I can't sleep. Why? Not sure. The children of the corn are all asleep, Lucy dog is too. I'm physically tired, but as usual, my brain won't stop. So, I've been shopping online. I've done quite a bit of online shopping lately. When I say quite a bit, I mean I may have ended the recession myself. Someone call Barack, I deserve some kind of medal of freedom or something.
I'm not in therapy anymore, and I'd rather spend the money on shoes and purses anyway.
So, this is the dress I've decided on for the hubs' reunion.
It's from Lane Bryant. Here are the boots I bought from Zappos to wear with the dress.
How do you like that croco detail? Shut up, that's awesome. They're Naturalizer. I like their boots. Didn't go for a big heel because I like not falling down. You all know my graceful nature.
I just bought this bag, the red will pop with the dress.
And while I was on Zappos getting the boots, look what I found.
These Born maryjanes are the cutest, had to get them — Zappos said there was only one pair left. I'll wear them with jeans and capris. It's just too bad they don't match this bag I just picked up.
Hello, my name is Kerry and I am an emotional shopper (but at least I'll look cute).
It's Friday night. You know what that means — sexy times. Yep, I'm at home with some Nyquil (because I'm getting a cold), in pajamas, Kleenex within reach, with the trusty laptop blogging and catching up on Dexter to get ready for the season premier Sunday.
This evening I stumbled upon something so ridiculous I felt I needed we needed a Friday Night Wrong Roundup. I've done vast research for at least the past ten minutes to compile what I believe to be the utmost in wrong for you, dear readers. The only question is where to begin.
I am nothing if not an art lover, so first up in wrong is the porntastic sculptured furniture of Peter Rolfe. Are you in the market for a new nekkid lady sculpture/two-drawer dresser thing? Well, look no further.
Yeah. I'm getting you all one for Christmas. I can't help but notice the glaring design flaw. Why go to the trouble of making the she-drawer if you're not going to make the nipples drawer pulls? Hell, why not? It's already ridiculous.
Onto more wrong. Y'all know I'm nothing if not a fashionista (in my own mind), so I don't know how I missed this gem.
I love the idea of interactive clothing. It's brilliant. Very Project Runway. Not so sure if I want my ass winking at you though. Thank goodness they've got a patent on that, you don't want just anybody making winking ass pants.
Speaking of winking, I've been told I have expressive eyes. More to the point, I've been told not to do "that eye thing," which I think is my disapproving look, I'm not sure. I'm thinking I could really push the envelope with these.
That's right. Eyebrow weaves. I have blond eyebrows that are pretty much invisible, so I color them when I color my hair. I'm SO getting eyebrow weaves. Imagine how disapproving I could look with those. So fabulous.
Next up is something for the musician in your life. I'm simply a fan of good music, not a musician, so I don't know what an acoustic guitar should cost, but $3900 seems a bit high even for a Chanel, which is a fashion house, not an instrument company.
I really hope that includes the case, which I think would make a fantastic piece of luggage, but it does kind of look like the cozies the extra pieces of my china are in.
You know what musician types are fond of? Sunglasses. The name Bono ring a bell? He's never without shades. Do you think he has these?
That's right, they're on a roll of tape. They stick to your face. TO YOUR FACE. Yeah, you won't sit on them and break them, but you'll get them stuck in your hair. They're by Azumi and David, who are obviously geniuses, because guess what else they make?
Yes, they are watches. MADE OF TAPE.
I'll let that sink in for a minute.
Okay. You know why these are the most retarded thing in this post, right? THEY DO NOT TELL THE TIME. The only people these "watches" are good for are the blind and preschoolers. Oh, and THEY'RE FREAKIN' TAPE. Have you ever had a hair caught in a bracelet? That hurts. Pulling tape off your wrist? Why not just save yourself the trouble and wax your arms? While you're at it, wax your eyebrows because they're going to come off when you take off your tape sunglasses.
The Nyquil's kicking in. I'll probably dream of tape and nekkid people furniture and wake up screaming "THOSE AREN'T DRAWER PULLS!"
The Pottery Barn catalog came yesterday. Usually I flip through the catalog and toss it, but not today.
Someone at PB has read my mind. As I've written about before here on the blog, I'm a sucker for typewriters. I love everything about old typewriters — the ding one makes when the carriage returns, the sound of hitting keys, and smack of the letter striking the page. I love the way typewriters look, the anti-tech of the machine. I love that my favorite old authors were discriminating typists and that my man Hemingway would only write on a Royal.
I have to think he would approve of my next purchase.
Those are six beautiful canvases, aren't they?
Writers are a weird breed, as I've said on occasion. We have little superstitions, write only with certain pens, are fond of particular notebooks, specific times of day to write, but that's not all. Weird things about writing creep into everyday life. Like these canvases. I haven't made up my mind as to where to hang them. Common sense says the scrap office, but these are so special they may hang in the living room on the wall I still haven't figured out what to do with after four years in this house. I'm fairly certain they will be hanging on that wall soon.
I'm working on a post for later tonight, but right now I'm going to check Ebay for that elusive Olivetti Valentine.
Once again, it's up to me to tell you about a product you didn't know you needed. Watch the one-minute video, then we'll discuss.
Okay, first, the woman in the beginning looks uncomfortable because of the get-up she's sleeping in, not her boobs.
Seriously. I'm speaking only for myself, but damn, if your boobs are the reason for your insomnia, maybe you should read the news and you'll have a bigger reason to lie awake at night. I'm just saying. Now, I've had big boobs forever and never have I been trying to get to sleep and thought "if only I had some sort of plastic boob separator I could get some sleep!"
Let's look at some of the FAQs from kushsupport.com.
Q. Is there an adjustment period for Kush?
A. Like knee pillows prescribed by orthopedic physicians and chiropractors,
there may be a brief period of adjustment for the first two or three nights.
However, most customers report being unaware that Kush is even there while
sleeping!
Q. How does Kush stay in place?
A. Kush offers a unique anatomically contoured design to fit comfortably between
the breasts. Made of a lightweight plastic that offers the firmness necessary
for breast support, the slip-resistant surface and contoured shape help keep
Kush in place as a woman rolls from one side to the other during sleep.
Q. Do I need to wear clothing with Kush?
A. No. You don't need to wear a bra, restrictive clothing or special garments.
You can sleep in nighties, T-shirts or in the nude, and Kush will stay in place
with its slip-resistant outer coating.
Q. Why is my Kush not staying in place?
A. We recommend that customers use Kush against clean, dry skin. The slip-resistant
quality of Kush can be negatively affected by nighttime perspiration associated
with menopause, or by perfumes, alcohol, oils, lotions or creams.
Really. I don't see how I could be unaware of the Kush while I'm sleeping, but sweet mother of insomnia, thank goodness the Kush is slip-resistant and I can sleep in the nude with it. I cannot sleep in the nude, I'm far too prudish for that. Plus, if there was an emergency, like a fire — if you sleep in the nude you'd have to throw some clothes on to run outside. At least I'd be on the lawn in my chemise waiting for the cute firemen to show up. Back to the Kush. It's slip-resistant is negatively affected by a few things, alcohol being one of them. I'm confused. Do they mean when you drink alcohol or if you pour a drink down your pajamas? 'cause I'm a klutz and am always spilling my booze at bedtime. The Kush comes in 3 different sizes and plenty of colors. Now, I thought the colors were for various skintones, but then I noticed the blue, lilac, and green, so I assume they're making the Kush for aliens. This, of course means aliens have boobs and now I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the Kush or by aliens with boobs. I'm telling you, sometimes this blogging thing unearths some phobias I didn't know I had.
The sizes are freaky too. And they remind me of the little hand weights my mom used to have when she had the exercise mini-trampoline when I was kid, and since my boobs are weights themselves, I don't think they need competition. Plus, according to the site, I'd need the large size and I fail to see how I wouldn't notice it while sleeping as the FAQs suggest.
It's a weird and wacky world we live in, isn't it? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get my junk together for a little scrapbook trip to the swamp tomorrow. Since I don't have a Kush, I guess I'll pack the cordless phone to put between my boobs. I don't think that's big enough, maybe the dustbuster or a roll of paper towels.
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