that’s what I’m talking about

http://www.someecards.com/usercards/someEcards.swf

this is for my friends on the right. Betcha would've voted for Obama if you knew you were getting your very own unicorn!

and just because I'm living in a bad sitcom (Molly has a fever, Katie's throwing up, and snotty Andrew ate so many Tootsie Rolls that he fell asleep in front of the tv and was literally stuck to the carpet) and needed a laugh, I give you this little gem:http://www.someecards.com/usercards/someEcards.swf

and I wrote this haiku for Frugal Beth's haiku-loving 9 year-old, Sarah:

it's January

oh so cold and sometimes warm

you can wear capris

and here's another one, just because I can't sleep:

in elusive dreams

this sleep is just a rumor

taunting my eyelids

my birthday’s not until July, but…

In case you're looking for the perfect birthday gift for me or something to give for redheaded blogger's day — here's the item that has made its way to the top of the old wish list in record time. May I present Aretha Franklin's Inauguration hat.

Here's Luke Song, the dude who made ReeRee's hat. You know She picked Luke Song strickly for his name. ReeRee's like that, she wakes up in her big house in Detroit and wants a hat — she goes to her man Luke Song.

If you've been reading the Kerry Blog for more than 10 minutes you know I love my Aretha. She and I have a connection. How can you not love the woman who gave the BEST quote in the history of the big woman: "I'm a big woman, I need big hair." Yes, that is my motto, but you knew that. I love her. And I love her hat. It looks like it's trimmed in marcasite, it's not, but Mr. Song made it look like it is because Mr. Song is that effing talented.

And so in honor of Aretha, here's "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man." Why? Because it's my favorite, that's why and this is my damn blog. And because this is probably the first Aretha song I identified with as a young woman, since I had more than a couple of crappy boyfriends until Scott came along. This song is just perfect and lovely. Unfortunately, the only video of Aretha singing "Do Right Woman" had its embedding disabled, so I had to settle for just the song. And yes, I did think of lipsynching to it and taping myself for you wearing some kind of hat and showing lots of Aretha-like cleavage, but that would be silly wouldn't it? As if that's stopped me before. Tee hee hee.

what to wear for the inauguration

For as long as I can remember I've been a news and politics junkie. My family didn't particularly follow politics, there were never any News Week magazines around the house, we didn't talk current events around the dinner table — but I loved the stuff. During election season I was always hooked to the tv watching the debates, election night returns, inauguration, and the balls. My favorite was the MTV inaugural ball with Natalie Merchant and Michael Stipe singing "To Sir With Love" in 1993 — it was Clinton's year. And you don't have to be a Clinton fan to love that.

But as much as I love politics and the whole spectacle of the pomp and circumstance, I've never donned at campaign t-shirt or put a bumper sticker on my car.

That may change.

I have found what may be the most evil-genius political shirt in the history of our nation. It's the Obama riding a unicorn tee. You can pick one up from Chris Bishop.

It isn't often I wish I had come up with an idea or image I've seen, but this is one of them.

Nothing says "welcome to the era of change" like Obama riding a unicorn. He's bringing change, and he's bringing it on a magical mythical creature!

Now, you don't have to be a Democrat to think this is superfantastic. If it was Sarah Palin on a unicorn, I'd be saying the same thing. But being a hunter, she would probably shoot the unicorn or whatever mythical beast on her t-shirt. I think she would probably choose a pegasus, you know, for those long flights back and forth to Alaska. Definitely a pegasus. And John McCain would pair best with a griffin. George Bush probably thinks jackalopes are real, so let's put him on a shirt with a jackalope. For the badass of the group, Cheney — it's Cheney and the chupacabra, 'cause those things are damn scary. I'm sure I'll have nightmares tonight just for thinking about them. And Cheney for that matter.

Speaking of nightmares, have you seen the trailer for the new movie where the chick is haunted by her unborn dead twin? Man, is that some freaky or what? I'm never going to get to sleep tonight. Chupacabra, Cheney, and that freaky movie will have me up 'til the middle of the night, I'm sure. I'll be up ordering t-shirts. I'll get one for you, don't worry.

what the hell Friday: carry that weight

When I posted my new year's resolutions last week (has it been 2009 for a week already? Damn) I'm sure a few of you thought "ok, where's the 'lose weight' resolution?" Well, I didn't make that a resolution. It's not because I don't want to lose weight, it's because after 20 years of being on some type of diet or another, I've decided not to make it a resolution. Yes, it's been on my list for 20 years. What the hell? That's either pathetic or — well, it's pathetic. So, no, it's not a resolution.

What I have decided to do is be healthier in 2009 and not make my weight the center of it all. Why? Because of Oprah.

Did you miss the headline? It made CNN! Good grief, Oprah gained weight. The nation's economy is in the toilet, we're in a war, Osama's still out there, Israel's attacking Gaza again — but stop the presses! Oprah has hit 200 pounds.

This is O on the cover of O. Does she look horrible? No. Sure, the purple outfit is doing nothing for her, but she looks fine. This is what O had to say on the matter: "I can’t believe that after all these years, all the things I know how
to do, I’m still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and
think, `How did I let this happen again?’" Maybe it's because your body is not meant to be 140 pounds. I'm not advocating being heavy, but starving yourself and having to workout to the degree Oprah did to stay the weight you diet down to is unhealthy as well.

For instance, I'm 5'2" and according to several weight charts I'm supposed to be 128 pounds. A friend of mine who happens to be a doctor said that would be tiny for me and I agreed. I was 128 pounds when I was in 7th or 8th grade, which was before I had hips (you're thinking I was going to say "and boobs," but no, I had already had the boobs). So, no, I don't think 128 pounds is my "ideal" weight. Ideal maybe if I go on Survivor for fat chicks and lose half my body weight, maybe — but no, 128 isn't gonna happen. Nope.

Just for fun, I uploaded a photo of me taken a few minutes before my date picked me up for prom senior year. Let's look at what I would consider my ideal weight, shall we.

The pic is taken at an angle, so it's weird, but whatev. And yes, I really am that pale. And that was the year I made a brilliant decision to dye my hair black at Halloween with the wash-out in 24 shampoos hair color, only it didn't wash out, so that was as light as it got. What the hell? I was an effing genius — really, I don't know how I made it through that year with all the stupid things I did. I was 18 and I'm guessing 160 lbs. I looked normal, looking back, of course. But at the time I was depressed beyond belief and had zero self esteem (and obviously no posture to speak of — look at those shoulders). At 18 I hated the way I looked because I thought I was fat. Now, if I was a good blogger, I would photshop in a pic of me now looking at my 18 year-old self and do a magazine cover mock-up like the O cover. But, I'm not going to do that because I'm lazy. My point is, hindsight is 20/20. Always has been. By the way, I don't know what I was thinking straightening my hair that night because it rained and I looked like a poodle by the time we got to prom. Oh, and look at those skinny ankles — is it any wonder I've sprained them a hundred times?

We can't dwell on what was any more than we can worry about the future. Sure, I looked a lot better then, but I was 18. I wasn't a happy girl. It took years to figure out my happiness isn't connected to my weight and it shouldn't rule my thoughts, although it does much of the time. If I beat myself up over my weight it only makes me want to eat cookies. Like half a bag of cookies.

Instead of Oprah asking how she "let" herself gain weight, a better message would be to be happy and healthy at whatever point in life you are, whatever age you are. I'm going to eat healthier this year and start walking and stuff. That's not mind-blowing, it just makes sense that if I don't want to have a lot of the problems overweight people deal with as they age, I should get healthier for health's sake. That's not because I'm unhappy with the way I look, hell, as you can see at 18 I had the double chin — it's about being happy with who I am and treating myself better.

And treating myself better also has to deal with how I view myself. I am not my weight. I am not my dress size. I am Kerry: wife, mother, daughter, friend, superfantastic woman in the here and now. And that's pretty good. I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that.

For your Friday, I'm leaving you with two more pictures from an artist I just discovered a few days ago through one of my favorite blogs, Manolo for the Big Girl. The artist is Kal Barteski and she was an instant fave the second I saw her art. It's empowering and smart, pretty and soulful — and I love art that is all those things.

Barteski calls these "tiny art" and these are my two favorites.

This one says:

"she was the one who couldn't see /she was the one who didn't know/ compassion was curvy/ experiences experience was heavy/ beauty was within her/ so much beauty."

If I would have seen this as a teenager it would have turned a lightbulb on inside my head. I'm sure of that. There were no messages for girls like this in the early 90's. There were no girls that looked like me in magazines. There were no body acceptance blogs, that was a few years later.

I'm loving the tiny art.

The tiny art on the right says:

"she loved/ she loved and loved/ with every inch in every way/ en masse/ and all and every/ undeniable/ unbelievable/ indisputable/ incomparable beauty./ so much beauty"

If you don't think that's awesome, just go put on some Britney Spears and read Cosmo or eat some Cheetos, 'cause I got nothin'.

I'm serious.

Okay, if you're still with me, I'll post some scrapbookie stuff this weekend and we'll have some fun. Your assignment for this weekend is to be happy with yourself, or at least start on that path.

I'm happy being me and I'm happy you're here. I like you the best. But you already knew that.

2008 year end wrap-up

I'm not sure if you've heard, but it's the end of this year. Look at a calendar, you'll see. So, the journalist in me thought I'd give you a year end wrap-up, being that I'm a news junkie I can't help myself. I've scanned all my usual news sites and my favorite list comes from CNN/Time. They have the Top 10 everything stories, from straight news to the top 10 Late Night Jokes, it's worth checking out. But, because I'm me, the list that caught my eye was the Top 10 Oddball News Stories of the year. That's a list I can get into. Let me start by saying the story names are from CNN/Time, but the writer has my sense of humor. Particularly for #5.

1. The Pregnant Man — trans-gendered Thomas Beatie gave birth to a baby girl in June. Beatie was using testosterone therapy and underwent chest reconstruction, but kept his girly parts and was artificially inseminated because his wife had had a hysterectomy. He went talk shows, 20/20, Oprah felt his baby belly and everything. Oh, and guess what? He's preggo again. Personally, I don't think this is a big story. Um, he still has a uterus and a vajayjay, so yeah, he can have babies just like me and almost every other person born a girl. Now, if I don't know, Tom Selleck were preggo — that would be news. Anderson Cooper would be all up in that action with the first interview and Oprah would have a fit.

2. Night of the Corpse Skull Bong — 3 Texas teens not only robbed a grave, but cleaned up a skull to turn into a bong. The idiot that confessed was sentenced to 8 months in the county jail for abuse of a corpse. Damn. When I was a teenager we used to prank call people and stay out past curfew. I was a goody goody, but some of my friends did at least commit misdemeanor crimes and though I did hear tales of hi jinks, grave robbing never came into play. At least not that I know of. My friends weren't into drugs either, but I would think if they had been, human remains wouldn't be at the top of the list for making bongs. Again, I am assumming. For all I know, they were smokin' crack out of Elvis' sideburns. Really, I wouldn't have put it past some of my high school punk-ass boyfriends to rob a grave. I dated some high class morons, some day I'll tell some stories.

3. Strange Things Afoot in Vancouver — 6 severed human feet have been found on the shores of
British Columbia since August 2007. Medical experts believe the feet were "detached naturally" from bodies floating in the ocean and have washed up on the beaches. Um, dude, are there that many dead bodies just floating around up there? Seriously? And can we just talk for a minute about the poor people who stumbled upon these feet? I could never go to the beach again. I guarantee you I'll never go to a beach in Vancouver. When we lived in Canada, my bookclub friend, Paula, was from Vancouver and she never mentioned the washed-up feet. And she was the outdoorsy-type (complete opposite of me, hence the bookclub), so I'm sure she went to the beach. Who's up for a vacay to B.C.?

4. Virgin Shark Mother

a female Atlantic
blacktip shark named Tidbit. Tidbit, who died due to pregnancy
complications — the pup, also deceased, was discovered inside her womb
after her death — had produced the offspring without the help of a shark
father. The asexual reproduction, known as parthenogenesis, occurred
at an aquarium in Virginia Beach, VA and the October announcement was only the second documented case in shark history.

Y'all — I wouldn't attempt to paraphrase that one. First of all — virgin shark. WTF? Second, asexual reproduction is freakish. I wouldn't trust any animal who could reproduce by itself. If an animal can Xerox itself, that's pretty much cloning as far as I'm concerned. Not that I learned that in biology or anything ('cause Lord knows I wasn't paying attention and I was probably writing Mrs. Andrew McCarthy on my notebook) and I'm far from being a science whiz. Unless it's the science of love, of which I have a PhD.

5. She Ain't Heavy, She's My Partially Absorbed Embryonic Twin

When doctors examined a 9-year-old Greek girl complaining of a stomach
ache, they were startled to discover the cause: an embryonic twin the
girl had absorbed while in the womb. The girls' abdomen was swollen
with the growth, which surgeons removed safely. "Vanishing Twin
Syndrome" is not entirely uncommon — experts say it occurs as often as
1 in 8 pregnancies — but the vast majority of vanished twins are
completely absorbed by the surviving twin or by the mother before birth.

Shut up. I've spent A LOT of time in OB/GYNS offices and I've never heard of this in real life. Yes, I've seen the documentary on TLC, but for realz, y'all. Damn. Absorbed? No. Viva paper towels absorb, not people. Can you imagine being told this info in the doctor's office? I wouldn't need anestetic for the surgery, I'd go into a coma right there. Have you noticed 3 of these stories have had to deal with pregnancy? I'm glad the reproductive chapter in my life is over because I couldn't take this crap.

6. Second Life Divorce — follow me on this one. A real-life British couple were apparently really involved in an online role-playing game called Second Life (I've never heard of it, but it sounds just lovely) and the wife caught her husband "cheating" with a Second Life prostitute, who in real life is a divorced mom from Arkansas. The Brit courts saw online cheating as grounds for their real divorce AND now the guy is engaged to the woman he "cheated" with online — in real life. Did you get that? I'm getting a headache just trying to process that. The only role-playing games I'm familiar with are action games, not people being prostitues online. Is that what our world of technology has turned into? Online prostitutes? I suppose you can't get STDs from computer sex, but you could get a computer virus, perhaps.

7. Fish Pedicures — The practice of plunging feet into a tub of tiny carp called garra
rufa, which nibble on dead skin, was popular in some Asian countries
and became an American craze after John Ho, a Virginia salon owner,
announced he had offered the treatment to 5,000 customers over a
four-month period. Soon, pedicurists all over the country were ordering
thousands of
the fish, which are said to help soften the skin in advance of normal,
human-administered pedicures. Unfortunately for some salon owners who
had already ordered the fish, Washington and Texas quickly banned the
practice
on sanitary grounds.
Oh, hell to the no. I love a pedicure, but there's no way on Earth I'm sticking my feet in a tub of itty bitty dead-skin eating fish. That's sick. What the hell are people thinking? This is disturbing. Damn, why not use a freakin' dingo from the outback or a damn grizzly bear to give your tootsies a rub down? What's the punk-ass salon owner going to do next, get wasps to sting you and call it botox?

8. Breast Milk Ice Cream — PETA wrote an open letter to Ben & Jerry's telling them to use breast milk instead of cow's milk. PETA later said it was a gimmick. Really? Now, I'm all for breast feeding, I nursed three babies, but I draw the line at ice cream. And I'm all for ice cream, too, just make mine with cow's milk, please.

9. Bigfoot Lives! No, Really! — Ok, here's my summary: a couple of guys in Georgia told the world they found bigfoot and had its corpse in a freezer and CNN and a bunch of news people went nuts when a bigfoot expert went to see it. The dudes put up a website, had videos on YouTube, and people ate it up. Of course, it was a bigfoot costume in a freezer and those guys are back to watching Larry the Cable Guy on Comedy Central. Yeah, if bigfoot exists, two rednecks will find it, I'm sure of that. I'm actually going to give these guys props, they sold it and people bought it! Oh, by the way, I've got a unicorn in my backyard and some leprechauns in my garage. CNN, you listening? Just be careful when you go in the backyard, the unicorn's tame, but my dragon gets a little hot around strangers. By the way, is this not the best photo ever? I think it's t-shirt worthy.

10. Your Money For My Life

After his wife left him, Ian Usher decided to make a clean break from his
old existence as a rug salesman in Perth, Australia. So he took the next
logical, if extreme, step, and put his entire life up for sale on eBay. On
the auction block, sold only as a package, were Usher's three-bedroom house,
his 1989 Mazda sedan, a jet ski, his computer, his furniture, an
introduction to his friends and a tryout at his sales job. The bids rolled
in and Usher, 44, ended up collecting around $380,000. He later said he had
hoped his life would sell for more, but he still had enough to finance phase
II of his unusual midlife crisis, embarking on a massive trip around the
world to complete a hundred life goals in a hundred weeks.

That's pretty awesome. Who hasn't wanted to start all over after an extremely stressful period? The rug salesman put his whole life on eBay! It would be strange to watch the bids roll in for your life, wouldn't it? When I've sold a few things on eBay, I was excited to see people bid on stuff, but I don't know how I would react to selling all the tangible things in my life. Here's what my auction listing would include: 4 bedroom house, Town & Country minivan with a dent on the back right bumper, 7 or 8 magazine subscriptions, my Vera Bradley collection, pink Dyson vacuum and pink handvac, fantastic record collection, a closet full of clothes in a range of sizes to accommodate the most discriminating yo-yo dieter, co-ownership of a small scrapbook business, an introduction to my friends (who rock the house, btw), a husband who loves scuba diving and video games, and 3 kids who are super adorable, but don't listen worth a flip. Oh, and ton of laundry that's currently blocking the doorway to the laundry room. What would the starting bid be? How would you decide that? I'm not sure. My auction listing title would be "Get a Life." Maybe the bigfoot guys would buy it. They need one.

Well, peeps, that's my year in review. I stayed away from the obvious stories because we all know about those, you've heard all the commentary you need about Palin, Obama, gas prices, the economy, and Iraq. Where are you going to hear about the virgin shark mother and fish pedicures if I don't blog about them? This blog's tagline should be "pondering the innane, so you don't have to." Once again, the Kerry Blog delivers on that promise!

Friends and peeps, there are lots of fun things coming up this week — my new scrap office will be revealed (before and after pics), pics of recent layouts and a trip down memory lane with a look at my first foray into scrapbooking from back in '99! And my New Year's resolutions, so check back for more fun than you can shake a paint stick at.

what the hell Friday: tech etiquette

I was reading the CNN site tonight at came across a Real Simple magazine guide to tech etiquette with questions and answers from "experts" in manners and etiquette and thought, really? What the hell? I'm polite and all, I don't need any experts telling me what's proper tech etiquette — I practically invented the subject. Y'all know I'm hopelessly addicted to gadgets, so I'm qualified, yo. So, here's the Kerry Blog Guide to Tech Etiquette.

1. You're walking down the street and listening to your iPod when
you run into someone you know. Do you need to remove both earbuds to
talk to her?

What the hell? Remove both earbuds to talk? It's like this, don't interrupt me while I'm listening to my jams. How do you know "Jungle Love" by Morris Day and the Mother Effin' Time's not on? You can't interrupt that! Dang, I might be groovin' to my theme song "Goody Two Shoes." Talk about etiquette, don't bother me. Text me like a damn normal person. And where I am going walking down the street? I have a car. I play my iPod in the car, and I can talk while I drive, so call me.

2. Is it rude to check your PDA at a friend's house?

The "expert" says to think of your PDA like a crossword puzzle and you can use it anywhere it would be acceptable to work a crossword puzzle. What the hell? Who's getting together and doing crossword puzzles with friends? Here's the Kerry Blog advice: if you need to access your PDA for something important like an email from your realtor or to check if you're winning the limited edition Hello Kitty personal massager on eBay or to watch the video of the monkey sneezing on YouTube — go ahead, knock yourself out. Your friend will understand. If not, refer her to my blog, tell her I said it's okay and I'm an expert.

3. How quickly must I respond to an e-mail? Are the standards different for work e-mails versus personal e-mails?

Hmm. That's a hard one. I would say — what the hell? I have stuff to do, I can't be emailing you back right away all the time. I might be busy blogging or talking to friends on FaceBook, something important like that. Unless you're emailing me something really funny, then I'll email back immediately. Now, if I emailed you — that's something completely different. I give friends half a day to email back and if they haven't I assume a) they are busy planning a surprise party for me, b) they've been injured in a horrible disfiguring accident and can't reply, c) I have said something to offend them and they're pissed. I'm paranoid, so what? Email people back, ok?

4. If someone calls you, can you e-mail the person back or send a
text message if you're not in the mood to talk? What if you text or
e-mail someone and the person calls you back?

I have to say, I don't have this problem because everyone always wants to talk to me. Now, if someone calls you, you should call them back. I have a bad habit of not listening to voice mails, but I do check the caller ID and call people back — unless I'm busy posing for the new Victoria's Secret catalog. If someone emails, you should email them back. And that brings up another point: how do you know when it's ok to not email someone back? You know, you get an email to ask what time you're meeting a friend for lunch, so you reply with the time, then they reply to your reply to say thanks — are you supposed email back to say you're welcome? That could go on forever. Have you ever gotten a thank-you note so nice that you thought "I should send a thank-you note back"? Same idea.

5. Is using BCC (blind carbon copy) on an e-mail considered sneaky?

Hell no! Is it sneaky to call up a friend after an event you both attended to talk about how whatshername was wearing those low-rise jeans and you could see her thong and she has no business wearing low-rise or thongs? Not in my book. Some things just need to be said. For instance, I received and email not long ago that was so ridiculously juvenile and mean-spirited that I had to share it with close friends. I thought about posting it on the blog, as a couple of friends suggested, but I was content just to show a select few what a pompous baffoon this individual was. Is that sneaky? No. Is it being ugly? Maybe. Did my friends and I make up a new nickname for this person and now refer to them by that name? Fo shizzle. When in doubt, follow the Kerry Blog Rules of Emailification.

    a) don't put anything in writing you wouldn't want to come back to bite you in the ass.
    b) if you're going to put things in writing you may regret later, use spell check for crying outloud.
    c) if you're going to put things in writing you may regret later, make sure you send it to the person you intended it for. Once in high school I wrote two notes to two different friends and passed them on the way to a pep rally, of course, being an idiot, I mixed them up. So, friend A found out what a beyotch I thought she really was and friend B thought it was pretty funny. If you're going to be snarky, get it right. For the record, beyotch was crazy and went off on me and we didn't speak after that. Moral of this story: if you want out of a bad friendship/relationship, mix up your emails — it may get a crazy person out of your life, on the other hand, she could go all Single White Female on you.
    d) once you hit send you can't get it back. Don't drink and email, don't email late at night, and don't email in anger.
    e) email is not to be used for any of the following: beaking up with your significant other, telling someone their dad is gay, asking if there's going to be weed at a party, asking if there will be an open bar, telling someone their cat died, telling someone you saw their mom at a bar and she was looking hot, asking if it's okay to ask your friend's mom out, telling someone you think their child has Asperger's, admitting to an addiction, admitting you have no idea how you got home last night, telling someone you knew their spouse was a cross dresser, telling someone you think you saw their neighbor on Dateline's To Catch a Predator, or asking your spouse if that dent in their car was already there.

Hopefully that will help some of you. If you read the last paragraph and said, "uh-oh," then maybe you should distance yourself from the Interwebs for a while. If you have any further advice, feel free to leave it in the Comments. As for me, it's 1:10 am, perfect time for some late night emailing. I think it's a great time to confess to a friend that I may or may not have seen seen pics of their spouse naked on the Interwebs.

Y'all have a good weekend.

election night LIVE blogging

So, I thought for funsies, how ’bout some live blogging for election night. Let me be your Katie Couric for the night, or at least until I get bored.

8:08 — Obama has 174 Electoral votes, McCain has 49. The Obama camp is chilling the champagne.

8:12 — Looks like McCain will lose Pennsylvania, a state he campaigned hard in. Whoops.

8:14 — What is it about Brian Williams from NBC that gets on my nerves?

8:16 — It’s either the hair or the voice or both. Commercial.

8:17 — Let’s check Facebook. Oh, look, Scott’s quoting Sting.

8:20 — Back to the election. The map’s looking colorful. Some guy will defeat some other guy in some state in Kentucky. It was a fierce battle. Wolf Blitzer is fierce.

8:22 — Bring on Anderson Cooper. There he is, looking good for the big night. I’m voting for Anderson for cutest newsguy.

8:24 — Why are they showing Hank Williams, Jr? Is there a football game on tonight, too? Why does he always wear sunglasses?

8:34 — Molly came downstairs because her loose tooth is bothering her. I gave her Tylenol and sent her back to bed. Better stay there, too, this is an important night for tv.

8:41 — CNN projects Obama to win Ohio. No Republican in modern times has been elected president without winning Ohio. I believe Lincoln was the last one, but that was a long, long time ago. CNN guy with the magic board says he would need a miracle to win. Bet McCain started praying.

8:44 — The Senate is going blue. Oh, here’s one of the commericals that’s all sciencey and all I hear is “wah wah wah wah wah.”

8:47 — What the hell is wine consignment? Can you put wine on consignment? Why not just buy it in a store like everyone else? Whatev.

8:49 — They’re projecting McCain to win Louisiana. Not surprized. Bring back my boyfriend Anderson Cooper.

8:52 — I know they say Anderson’s gay, but he’s cute. The silver fox of tv anchors. Tell me all about the election, Anderson.

8:55 — I don’t know if Scott’s going to read this or if he knows about my celebrity crush on Anderson Cooper, but I don’t think he has anything to worry about. I don’t think I’m Anderson’s type anyway.

9:01 — Wolf Blitzer and his beard are talking about going home once Obama gets to 270 votes. Oh, Wolf, you can’t do that, Anderson says. David Gergen says Obama will have to decide if he wants to unite the country. Brilliant idea.

9:05 — How do I become a political pundit? I think I could do that. Plus, I’d get to hang out with Anderson and play with that magic board. I want one of those.

9:08 — James Carville kind of looks like Golum from Lord of the Rings, but he sounds kind of like Foghorn Leghorn.

9:09 — The pundits are about to fight. Cool. There is yelling. Calm down white boy in the blue tie.

9:12 — Arkansas goes to McCain. Shocker. Commercial. I have a toothache, where did that come from. Still never had a cavity at 34. I think it’s my wisdom tooth trying to come in. This happens every once in a while. Weird, huh?

9:19 — The magic board again. I think any minute Foghorn Carville is going to run up the the magic board and mess it all up.

9:22 — Another big shock, McCain wins Texas. Did anyone think Obama had a chance in Texas? No. The cowboys aren’t voting for Obama.

9:46 — Oh, hell to the no. I took a little break to put Andrew to bed and now Anderson’s talking to a hologram of WILL.I.AM (rapper) old school Star Wars style. Where’s R2-D2? Oh, no. Anderson said there will be more holograms ahead. This is creepy.

9:50 — There’s the science “wah wah” commerical again. Oh, it’s for Exxon-Mobil. What? I still don’t know what the guy’s talking about.

9:55 — The CNN people are saying age was probably a bigger figure in the election than race. Hmmm.

9:59 — Wolf and his beard said Virginia goes to Obama. Now they’re projecting Obama will win. Wow. They’re showing the crowd in Chicago — they’re going crazy.

10:06 — The crowds are still going crazy. I actually wasn’t on the Obama bandwagon, but I get it. I wasn’t for McCain either, and am glad the Bush period is over. The pundits are kind of stunned. They really don’t know what to say and are somber.

10:14 — Just saw Jesse Jackson and now Al Sharpton. Jesse was peeking over someone’s head. You’d think he’d be on tv tonight.

10:18 — McCain’s concession speech. People booed when he said he called Obama. That was rude.

10:21 — Decent speech. I’m out. Going to go talk to friends on Facebook. See y’all tomorrow.

And peeps, I’ve read the comments, y’all play nice. There’s enough democracy for everyone.

this just in: study finds men think red is sexy, woo-hoo!

I love a good study reported as news. Don’t you? Here are the results of a study of which I’m trying to decipher. The following is from CNN.com by Theresa Tampkins (from the Health section).

Does wearing the color red give you a sexual edge? Maybe, according to a new study, which found that men find women sexier if they’re sporting a crimson hue rather than, say, blue or green.

One of the images used in the study that found red clothing fans the flames of passion.

However, red won’t make you look smarter or more competent, says study author Andrew Elliot, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester in New York.

“We only found the effect for attraction, so males don’t rate females in red as more intelligent, more likable, or as having a better personality; they only rate her as sexier and more attractive,” he says.

Men also were more likely to say they wanted to have sex with a woman and that they would be willing to spend more on a date if she were in red, according to the report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

In a series of five studies, about 150 heterosexual men (homosexual men and those with red-green color blindness were excluded) rated photographs of women framed in red, white, gray, green, or blue, or with the woman in a red or blue shirt. On a 7-point scale, with 1 being the least sexy and 7 a white-hot sex goddess, the color red added about 1.25 points to the rating, says Elliot.

So, just to be clear, is it only while women are wearing red? What if you — and I’m not naming names or anything — have red hair? You know, like any of the 2 -6% of us in the US who have naturally red hair. Guess we’ll never know. Damn, I’ll never know if I’m sexy or not. Guess I’ll have to conduct my own study. I’ll be hanging out in Home Depot tomorrow afternoon in the power tool section.

I love the part about not rating females in red as more intelligent or likable, because frankly, who the hell cares? Even more, I LOVE the part where they state homosexual men and men with red-green color blindness were excluded from the study. Yeah, that would have made the study useless! By the way is “white-hot sex goddess” a scientific term? I’ll have to ask some friends in the scientific community. I’m pretty sure I missed that in my biology classes, but I might have been writing “Mrs. Andrew McCarthy” on my Trapper Keeper the day that was covered.

Being a redhead, I’ve never worn a lot of red. But now that I’ve thought about it a little, I do get a lot of attention when I wear my red cardigan. No man can resist a chick in a cardigan. That just screams white-hot sex goddess.