I'll be live-blogging the red carpet starting at 5 Central time (or when I remember to turn the tv on). Meetcha back here then.
4:59 – The tv is tuned to E!
5:00 – Seacrest is on the steps of the Kodak theater. Appropriate, because he's a leprechaun.
5:01 – I thought I'd let you know what I'm wearing for the red carpet. Black yoga pants by Lane Bryant, Gray v-neck t-shirt by Mossimo for Target, and gray fancy ruffled slippers by Isotoner. Fancy for the Oscars, yo.
5:04 – Avatar guy says he's wearing a monkey suit. Ryan says he was "literally living in a hammock after seeing Avatar" — he obviously doesn't know what literally means. OMG – Efron busted in on the interview. He's a cutie in a tux. I think it's time for a new hair style, Zach.
5:07 – Seacrest keeps saying "brother" like he's freaking Hulk Hogan. For the love of the WWE, stop. Oh, and he's wearing a Burberry tux, like we care.
5:08 – Jay Manuel just said revealing necklines look better on a smaller bust. I wouldn't know anything about that, Jay. He's showing the best of what people have worn this year.
5:09 – It's Anna Kendrick from Up in the Air. Light pink flowy dress. Mo'Nique stepped on Anna's dress! Oh boy. Mo'Nique said "we're nothing but kids with grown up faces." OMG. I love her. Seacrest said the buzz is she's a lock on the Oscar, she said she felt the same when she did Soul Plane. Mo'Nique is wearing royal blue. Seacrest is not asking about the gowns. Boo.
5:16 – What the hell is this commercial with cervical cancer in a perfume bottle? WTF?
5:17 – It's my nemesis, Mariah Carey. Nick Cannon says he just sits around 'til the last minute in his drawers while 1000 people get Mariah ready. Sounds like my life. Mariah just doesn't look human. She caught her bracelet on her dress. The slit in her dress is practically up to her neck.
5:20 – Mickey Rooney!
5:25 – a chick from Avatar is in a lavandar dress. Seacrest just said "brother" to the mayor of L.A. I'm going to lose it before this is over. The top of Avatar girl's dress is verrrry sparkly. I do not like. Love the bottom of her dress if it were not purple. I hate purple.
5:27 – Joel Madden and Nicole Richie are with Ryan. Joel will be DJing during the commercials or something.
5:29 – I have seen this dress in another color on someone else. It's the other woman from Up in the AIr. Do not like the dress, but love the red.
5:31 – I'm sorry if I'm disappointing by not knowing some of the actor's names, but half the time I barely know my own.
5:34- Hey, baby, how you doin', Ryan Reynolds? How cute is he? I like that he's wearing a bow tie. Seacrest just mentioned that he and RR train at the same gym. OMG. RR is going to film Green Lantern in New Orleans. I think I'm going to be spending some time in New Orleans.
5:36 – Ivan Reitman is talking about Up in the Air. Says he took an Ambien last night and played Xbox.
5:38 – James Cameron's wife/date/chick is wearing some Grecian goddess dress. She needs jewelry. Is she Suzy Amis? I think she is maybe.
5:40 – Maggie Gyllenhall and Peter Saaaarrrrsgaaaarrrrd. They won't back up and show her dress and that's annoying. Peter's head is shaved. Hope that's for a movie.
5:42 – I get Elizabeth Banks confused with someone else, so I'm not sure who she really is. She's wearing Versace and it's great.
5:43 – It's designer Tom Ford! He's wearing a boutonniere!
5:48 – Sigourney Weaver is wearing a one-shouldered red dress with a black bow around the waist. She says he's pole dancing for her next film. We have so much in common.
5:49 – Lenny Kravitz looks cool in his sunglasses. Seacrest said "brother" again.
5:51 – Tina Fey is wearing a Michael Kors one-shouldered black dress. Very basic. Says she talked to my boyfriend Alec Baldwin earlier. Hussy.
5:56 – Diane Kruger from Inglorious Basterds is wearing a very frou frou cream and black dress.
5:59 – Sandra Bullock looks interesting. I love her hair. She's wearing a champagne colored tight dress.
6:01 – Tyler Perry is talking about how he got Oprah to watch Precious and get it to the screen. He's wearing a bow tie, love that. Said Oprah had the dvd of the movie in her purse for a while before she watched it. See people, Oprah is just like us.
6:03 – Cute little Amanda Siegfried or whatever her name is has on an Aramani dress with a very pronounced bodice. Kind of weird.
6:04 – Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and the big guy from The Blindside. McGraw said "people don't realize how good he is 'cause he's really a 5'8" white guy."
6:06 – Jake Gyllenhal is in a bow tie. He says he hung out with Jamie Foxx last night. He's chewing gum, for crying out loud. Jake says his pocket square is real. That's a good tip for my male readers, make sure your pocket square is real, do not accept fake pocket squares. How can he know about pocket squares and yet chew gum on the red carpet?
6:13 – Miley Cyrus is wearing something that looks like a bustier and tinsel. Someone please tell me why she's at the Oscars. Someone?
6:14 – What on Earth is SJP wearing? It's bizarre. She's wearing Channel and the top is made of tin foil. She was attacked by a bronzer. Matthew Broderick is adorable.
6:17 – Katherine Bigelow is NO LIE a foot taller than Seacrest. I love it.
6:19 – Where is Clooney?
6:25 – It's Matt Damon. We're getting closer to Clooney! And a bow tie. I SEE CLOONEY. He was signing autographs. Matt is going to play Liberace's "longtime companion" in the Liberace movie. Do you know how excited I am for THAT?
6:28 – Talk to me, Colin Firth. Love his voice.
6:28 – It's Queen Latifah! Now, she looks good in lavandar. One shoulder. Clooney busted in on Latifah. Talk, George. He says he voted for Jeff Bridges. How cute is he? He said Jeff is the Dude. Bye, George!
6:31 – Meryl Streep says she's in love with Sandra Bullock, just like everyone else in America. Do not like her bright white dress. I think she could go with a color. I want Queen Latifah's dress.
6:33 – When I was little I had a Barbie with the exact same dress that Jennifer Lopez is wearing. it's iridescent pink. Her elfin husband is chewing gum. What is with these people?
6:38 – Who let Keanu in?
6:39 – Woody Harrelson just kissed the girl from Precious. What? She just said "if fashion was porn, this dress is the money shot." She fist bumped Keanu. Jay Manuel is talking about her confidence. In other words "it's good that she even showed up at her size." Why couldn't he just say "she looked great!"
6:43 – Robert Downey, Jr is wearing a blue bow tie. Okay then.
6:47 – It's Gerard Butler. Hey baby, how you doin'? He's talking about Jennifer Anniston, but I'm jus
t thinking, "hey baby." Wait, come back, Gerard!
6:51 – Oh, it's Jason Bateman. Hey baby, how you doin'? So cute.
6:53 – It's the DUDE! he really needs to do something with that squirrel on his face.
6:54 – Charlize Theron let woodland creatures make her dress because woodland creatures never pay attention to the bust and took the train, brought it up, wrapped it AROUND HER BOOBS and called it a dress. She looks insane. That's the best thing I can say about it.
6:58 – Cameron Diaz is in gold. I can't stand her and I've never been able to put my finger on why. I do like her dress, maybe if her hair was another color.
6:59 – It's over, people. KBF out.