Category: crazy
What the hell Friday
Forgive readers, I know it's not technically Friday anymore, but I think here on the Kerry blog I'm going to institue a new feature I'd like to call What the Hell Friday.
This is way more personal than I usually blog, but I can't sleep and whatev — it's my blog, i can change my own rules. Tonight was a night I had been looking forward to since we decided we were coming in for Thanksgiving. Not only did Scott and I have a night out, we were going to see my friend Will's band. Now, I haven't seen Will in 15 years, so I already had some anxiety about this because I'm me and I'm stupid. I've become friends with his wife, who is pretty fab and I would be seeing her and other friends I hadn't seen since I was a size 16, so my insecurity level was at Level Orange. No, that wasn't enough for my little brain. No. So, I forgot to pack undies for the trip and another pair of jeans. So, I figure I'd wear a dress I brought tonight because I didn't want my jeans to smell like smoke from the bar. No big. I put on my Spanx, new bra, and the dress and realize I'm showing WAY more cleavage than legally allowed in Caddo parish. So, I decide to wear my denim jacket and new scarf with it so I won't be arrested for indecent exposure. I decided I looked kinds cute, for me anyway.
Then I called my dad to see when we would see him tomorrow. That was my first mistake. No, second. Like a moron, i'd told him we were going to see Will's band. Dad tells me he and the new girlfriend would be dropping by the bar so I could meet her. What the hell?
Y'all, I don't go to bars. I don't drink, smoke bothers me, I was going to see my friend and hear the band. I haven't been in a bar since 1994. Do the math, people. So, Scott and I went to dinner, it was yum-o-rama. Then we went shopping (I had to have undies and something to wear home Sunday) and to Barnes and Noble and had coffee. My anxiety was rising like the flood waters during Katrina, and I'm on cleavage patrol the whole time.
We get to the bar, talk to Molly, say hi to Will, band starts playing, it's all good. Not 30 minutes in, Dad shows up with the GF. Now when someone says they're stopping by, how long do you think that means? Not almost two freakin' hours! What the hell?
Plus, no one told me it was bring your dad to the tavern night. I knew when he ordered drinks I was going to lose it. I was calm. The band took a break and I sat there trying not to think of breaking a pool cue over my dad's head. I so wanted to bust a ninja move. Really, I'm too damn nice. I wanted to talk to friends, but my dad wanted to make small talk and I loathe small talk. The band starts up again and dad gets the GF another beer. Perfect. Not only am I not wanting to play nice with them, I'm so not in the mood to hear about what a good man dad is when he leaves the table. What the hell?
I have no words. Can anything in my life go half-way normal? Of course not. Can I have one anxiety-ridden moment at a time? Hell no. I may tell the rest of the story later on, right now I'm going to see if a John Hughes movie is on or something with Hugh Grant. It's 2:30 am and I need a comedy not based in reality, 'cause hell if I don't have enough going on here.
this is where I put my foot down
Word on the street is our Beyonce (aka Sasha Fierce) is begging to be the next Wonder Woman in the film currently in pre-production by Warner Brothers.
I think I speak for all of us who grew up with Wonder Woman on television, when I say oh, hell to the no,
Beyonce, you are not Wonder Woman. This is where I put my foot down. We simply cannot stand for this, people.
Do I need to remind you who my friend on the right is? This is Lynda Carter, the Wonder Woman of my generation. She was Amazon Princess Diana of Paradise Island and became Wonder Woman on tv from 1975 until I was 5 in 1979. She had an invisible jet and magic lasso, a boomerang crown and bullet-deflecting bracelets — what I wouldn't give for some of those bracelets! I've checked Macy's, I can't find them. And the boots! Those are crime-fighting boots. If I had those boots right now, New Orleans would not have the highest crime rate in America. Well, it would take more than the boots, I'd need the whole costume. And someone to be my sidekick 'cause I hate fighting crime alone. You know what I mean. A girl's gotta have friends. And an invisible jet wouldn't be bad either.
Can you see Beyonce in that costume? No. Plus, Wonder Woman does not sing and Beyonce has sung in the movies she's been in to stop you from noticing what a mediocre actress she is.
Let's talk about this for a minute. If you're my age you grew up with Lynda Carter, too. I did not wear Wonder Woman Underoos in the late 70's for this. That's right, the Underwear that's fun to wear. Man, those were awesome! Do they still make those, 'cause I'm so getting them. Not for my girls, for me. Okay, I'll get some for the girls, too.
Anyway, at no time when I was a little girl running around in my Underoos did I think "ooo- I hope when I have kids a big movie studio will make a movie version of Wonder Woman with a singer who thinks she's an actress and has an alter ego!" No way.
Have we learned nothing from Catwoman? Ah, how quick we forget. Halle Berry is great and all, but she's no Catwoman just like Beyonce's no Wonder Woman.
That's Beyonce in her finest crazy costume. Do you see Wonder Woman? No, Beyonce is better suited
play, oh, I don't know, maybe C3PO's love interest in a future Star Wars film. Or Mr. Roboto's love interest in the Styx reunion tour. Here's what she had to say on her plans:
"I would definitely have to keep it right for that
costume. The way that Lynda Carter wore it, she was sooo fine. She was
amazing. I saw her costume at the Met. Her waist was unbelievable. It
was pretty crazy, actually, her proportions. But I love Wonder Woman
and it'd be a dream come true to be that character. It sure would be
handy to have that lasso. To make everybody tell the truth? I need
that. It would come in very handy."
Say wha? Why does she need the lasso of truth so bad? Maybe it's because she and hubs Jay-Z won't actually admit they were married a few months ago. I don't know, I'm just sayin. I'll check in with y'all later, I have to write a letter to Warner Brothers Studios.
another fashion crisis avoided
Every year I wonder what to wear for Christmas Eve and New Year's. I fret over fashion, in case you haven't noticed before. And if you haven't noticed, you must be new to the blog.
So, thank you Victoria Secret for inspiring me once again — I'm sure I'll be the hit of Christmas Eve at the in-laws and for whatever we decide to do for New Year's. I'm pretty sure I can make Heidi's sequined bow out of supplies from Lowe's and some sequins from my craft supplies.
And if I learn to knit now ( like I've been talking about for 8 years) I may finish the scarf on the stick model on the right by the time Andrew's out of high school. By the way, are knee socks back in or are those tube socks? The girl looks like she rolled out of her boyfriend's bed and put on a mix of what she found rumpled on the floor. Of course, her boyfriend is the Jolly Green Giant and that's why the scarf is so freakin' long.
iPod frustration
Ok, when my laptop crashed all I could think about was losing the pictures that were on it and the ScrapFest! files I’ve created — totally forgot about my iPod library. Of course, I have what’s on my iPod, but I can’t get them on my new laptop. That’s just crazy talk. What happens when I eventually get a new iPod? Can you transfer songs to the new one or what? I gotta download some new music. I want the new Coldplay. I also have to find out if the new Counting Crows cd was scratched when I put it in the car cd player, not knowing Andrew had stuffed probably 83 cents in it. I’m sure he thought it was a jukebox.
In other news, scrapbooking with Megan, Mandy, & Lori was great Saturday. We went to Casa Garcia for dinner & that was the best. I got 2 pages done. That’s not much for me. I usually do more than that. I used a lot of diamond glaze & that takes forever to dry, so that slowed me down.
We’re off to Target. I’m sure the kids are going to make me crazy, but that’s life with 3 munchkins. Katie insists on wearing her hat she made at VBS & Andrew is actually wearing his shoes on the right feet. What more could I ask for?
kerryfaler.blog 