blog makeover

Woo-hoo! The blog makeover is complete! Hannah of Sherbet Blossom Designs did a great job on my blog's makeover and I love it. The old blog had needed a fresh coat of paint and a little sprucing up and I couldn't be happier with the remodel.

The fam is back from the beach and I have a bunch to tell you and photos to share, but for now I'll just wish you a happy Sunday and I'm going to upload pics and read my 180 emails (no exaggeration there, btw). Have a great evening and I may surprise y'all with a late edition of the 80's Sunday Rewind, who knows.

state of the blog address

Hello reader friends, it's time for what I'd like to call the inaugural State of the Blog Address (yes, it's formal, because I like to keep it classy, that's just how I roll).

Here at the Kerry Blog we take things halfway seriously, thus the State of the Blog Address. And by we, I mean me and my other personalities. I'd like to tell y'all about some goings on behind the scenes of the blog just in case you find yourself on the interwebs one day, dial up the blog and think you've landed somewhere else. Typepad has switched me to the new platform and I simply
adore the new fantastic dashboard, making it easier
to post, save, edit, and tag posts. If you've thought about starting a
blog, you can't go wrong with Typepad. They've also introduced new fun
templates, so what's not to love? But because I'm not the stock-template type, the old blog is getting a makeover, which I alluded to a while back. That's right, we're taking it up a notch with a blog makeover. Don't worry, the content will remain irreverent and jocose as always, just with a few cute embellishments.

I thought you might enjoy some stats as part of this address.

As usual, I'm up late writing. I took a screen shot of the stat page to show you the recent visitor map which reflects where people are visiting the blog from midnight 'til 12:30 am. I'm not the only one up late or early for those of you in Europe, India, China, and Australia.

So, that's 30 minutes of blog time. I'm always interested in what brings visitors to the blog, so I checked recent keyword activity and here are the results:

You can click the image to enlarge it, if you'd like. These are the most recent search terms, so props to good friend, AB, for being the latest search query. I'd like to know what the people who are Googling "dd real boobs" and "bbw pin-ups" think when they land on this blog. I can only hope they have a sense of humor, because I don't think they found exactly what they were looking for. My favorite search on this list is "weird inverted triangle body shape women" because I can't imagine for the life of me what the hell they were looking for. A week or so ago, the leading search terms on the blog were "bbw pin-ups," "red head bbw pin up," and "pin up situations." Picture my face when I saw dozens of searches for those topics. Now picture the face of the guy who Googled and got my post with Hilda the first illustrated plus-sized pin-up (and my hero). And just because I love Hilda, here's one of my favorites.

This is the closest I'll get to being a pin-up girl, since artist Duane Bryers obviously had psychic visions of me when he created Hilda back in 1957. Seriously, those are my legs and skinny ankles, and even one of my expressions. Please. This is image is borrowed from toilgirls.com, a site by a modern plus-sized pin-up artist and fellow Hilda fan.

That's the scoop on the blog right now. I'm thrilled to have so many readers who come back day after day for my ramblings. I do have to tell you, it's funny, since the comments weren't working for ages and bunches of you have joined Facebook and message me to say you liked a post, the comments have dwindled, but I know you're still reading, so all is well. That's a nice run-on sentence for a late night!

Check back for the cuteness of the new blog design and until next time, stay classy.

on illness, death, and things that are generally not awesome

I've been semi-MIA the past few days, here's why:

Last Thursday my scrapbook peeps and I went to a cabin in the swamp/woods to hang and crop. This was not my idea. I am not remotely what you would call "outdoorsy." I'm allergic to everything and I have asthma and I don't like insects, but I like my friends, so I went. It was our own little retreat and I have to say, I had more fun in the cabin than at any retreat I've been to and believe me, I've been to a bunch. So, yeah, we were in a cabin with air conditioning and running water and all, but it was still roughing it as far as I was concerned. Frugal Beth and I arrived to see we would have to bring our bags up fairly steep stairs. Now, this was a scrapbooking trip and we had my minivan (maxifun) packed to full capacity with scrapbook bags, plastic 12×12 organizers, ice chest, overnight bags, bags of snacks and beverages, pizzas, and a tray of Triple Dippers from Chili's. If we ever do the cabin-thing again, we're getting one with a ramp (and bringing more southwestern eggrolls 'cause them was delicious).

On the way to the cabin Beth and I talked about how sad Farrah's death was, then said I said "well, you know how celebrities deaths come in threes. Ed McMahon, now Farrah." And for some reason after that, I checked Facebook on my iPhone (no, I'm not obsessed) to see everyone's status updates read something like this: OMG WTF Michael Jackson is dead?!?!?

I am nothing if not resourceful, and went to Google news where I found a plethora of contradicting headlines from CNN, AP, Reuters, and every news organization known to man. This just wouldn't do. Beth and I had to know the truth before we were smack dab in the middle of gatorland, where we feared there would be no television or wifi. At that point I realized the person my friends rely on for pop culture information is me and there is no one to call to confirm this story. Sad, isn't it? I called Melissa, who had not left for the swamp yet, and she said MJ was in the hospital and of course moments later I check CNN again they're saying he's gone. We arrived at the cabin, where Megan was already scrapbooking (I know, the nerve!) and watching — get this — Friends on the flat screen. Beth and I bust out with "how can you be watching Friends at a time like this?! Michael Jackson's dead!" Seriously.

And so began the Michael Jackson Death Watch weekend. Heartwarming, isn't it?

…….

Saturday I tried to post layouts to the blog on the iPhone, but got a message from Typepad saying my account was put on hold because something was wrong with billing my credit card. Okay, so I got a new debit card and forgot to update my info, whatev.

Sunday I made it home to see that Billy Mays had died and decided something very strange was going on in the universe. That afternoon a mucho tired me took the almost 6 year-old, her big sis, two friends, and my bud Frugal Beth (mom of one of the friends) to the circus, as if I don't have a three-ring circus at my house. Please. And I nearly twisted my ankle on a New Orleans sidewalk. Imagine that.

Monday afternoon I noticed five or so red streaks on my right heel going up my ankle and two of the streaks going up my calf. I'm not a doctor, but I thought this was bad and with the way people are dying lately, I thought about having a will drawn up. Shortly after that, I started feeling pretty bad and researched the streak-thing online which made it sound like I was very near death or at least getting ready for an emergency room visit. Then I talked to a couple of friends in the medical field about it (shout out to my peeps), and by the end of the night was pretty sure I wasn't dying. And pretty sure is good enough for me.

Tuesday I woke up feeling like death on a bad day. I was positive I'd be sitting on a cloud learning the harp with Elvis by nightfall (totally kidding, Elvis is still alive). I know everyone has different thoughts about what heaven will be like. I've read what the Bible has to say on the subject several times, but I like to think Fred Astaire is giving dancing lessons and Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon do a nightly talk show.

Yesterday afternoon I felt a little better and started writing this very post.

Now it's Thursday night and I'm nearly 100%. Streaks have faded, energy is back, and I didn't need a nap this afternoon.

Here's the thing, being sick is not enjoyable. I spent a good portion of this week trying to rest. Yes, I said trying. For those of you without children or just one child, let me paint a picture for you. I will be your Bob Ross, minus the afro.

It's 9am, I'm in bed. Katie is standing next to my bed asking what's for breakfast. My hubs is sitting with his laptop at the kitchen table. I tell her to ask her daddy. Next comes Molly asking if they can go swimming. I tell her to ask her daddy. Katie returns, says her daddy told her to wait until he's finished sending an email. Andrew enters the room with no Pull-Up or undies on, jumps on my bed and asks for cookies. At this point I get up. Later that afternoon I attempt a nap. Exactly three minutes after I get comfy, here comes Katie asking if they can play upstairs. Next the hubs asks where his iPod is. Now, I do not use his iPod. Where in the marriage vows does it say "I will find everything you lose" for the rest of my life? For realz. Next it's Andrew saying he can't find MollyKatie (he's reduced them to one name). Then Molly comes in, asking when their daddy is taking them to swim and can she wear her tennis shoes instead of her flip flops. Out of nowhere Katie pops up, says Molly won't play upstairs and wants a snack. The hubs returns, says he's taking the kids swimming. The kids all go nuts and run out of the room, only to return seconds later asking where 42 things are.

…….

Sunday marks the beginning of Kerry's Crazy July, with our anniversary and Katie's birthday, followed by my berfday, then Andrew's, and the hubs at the end of the month. It's about this time every year when I remind myself that Katie was due in June and had she been born then, it would have lessened my July stress. I mean, come on.

you like me, you really like me

Okay, who's the wise guy?

The old blog, Scraps & Lagniappe has been nominated for a BlogLuxe award! Shut the back door. I love and appreciate all of you and have no idea who nominated me. Heck, the comments barely work. Alright, here are the specifics: I'm in the Funniest Blog category and voting is open until July 6th. Funniest? I'm flattered, really I am, but I've seen who I'm up against and let's just say it's an honor just to be nominated. I know I have no chance of winning, but it's great to be in the company of some of these bloggers. Just in case you want to vote (once per day), I'm putting up the button link. Funniest? Really? Love y'all!

self-portrait

For many reasons, I've never been one for self-portraits or seeing photos of myself. Mostly because I — like a lot of you — am highly critical of myself , my looks, my skin, my hair, my anything and everything. So, I'm usually the one behind the camera (or cameras, as the case may be). I'm quite the amateur photographer, you know. But when I'm the subject of a photograph, I see my round face and double chin, the two scars from when I had chicken pox in high school, and acne. I see the complete lack of color in my face and lips that point downward at the corners. I see eyebrows that must be dyed to be seen and barely-there eyelashes. And over the years I've noticed my freckles have faded and my nose is getting bigger at the end, which is par for the course, really, isn't it? At least I still have my sense of humor. Lord knows where I'd be without it.

So, those are the thoughts that are with me when I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself. And please, I've only listed the issues I have with my face. I'd go into the rest, but frankly, I have plans later this month and I don't have that kind of time.

As I've mentioned recently, I've been in a funk. The funk has lasted for a few weeks and I'm thinking of naming it. Maybe Fred, I'm not sure. Anyanxiety, yesterday I was having a particularly bad day. We all have them, but a bad day when you're in a funk is really bad. Among other things, I ran into the garage wall WITH MY CAR, the wall I've already dented and made a nice hole in. Pretty soon it will look as though the Kool Aid guy has run through it and into the laundry room. I realized what I had done, put the car in reverse, then park, closed my eyes and told myself to breath. At that moment "You Are the Everything" by R.E.M. came on the iPod and my scalp tingled like all my hair was standing on end and I exhaled and started crying. Now, I'm not one of those I-never-cry kind of girls, don't think that — but yesterday the dam broke and what started as a tear down one cheek and smeared mascara turned into The Ugly Cry.

The Ugly Cry is best cried alone. Fortunately, the three year-old bolted from his booster seat and into the house, leaving me to drench the steering wheel in peace. Unfortunately, I am nothing if not cognizant of my surroundings, bordering on clairvoyant, and I wiped my eyes only to see in my rear-view mirror that the UPS man was standing curiously behind my van, a couple of feet from the garage. Of course, I did what anyone would do in this instance and broke out into maniacal laughter, then got out of the car and got my package from Mr. UPS.

Once in the house, I stopped in the powder room to look at myself and saw that I had cried every inch of makeup off my face, except for my Pixi lip stain in the color Love — which looks very bright pink when you're not wearing any other makeup. For the first time in never, I was okay with my naked face. Pale skin, blonde eyelashes, out-of-control hair and all. I made myself some coffee and sat down to my laptop at my kitchen table, talked to a friend on Facebook, and took a picture with the webcam. I don't know why I thought to do this, it's not like me at all — and even less like me to share a photo of myself without makeup with you. After all, I was fully made-up when I was induced with all three babies, I don't leave the house without my eyes done and lipstick, and I sure as hell don't take pictures of myself without foundation, concealer, eye makeup, blush, and touched-up eyebrows.

I didn't think anything about the picture. I continued in my funk and forgot about it. Last night I was blogging about friends and made the photo mosaic on bighugelabs.com (great site to do neat things with pics) and today went back to that site to play some more. I love David Hockeny's work and his collages he's made with polaroids and thought I'd use the "Hockneyizer" and make my own. And maybe it's Honesty Week on The Kerry Blog, but I want to share it with you. Maybe I'm coming out of the funk, maybe I've finally lost it, I'm not sure — but here I am. Naked, with lip stain.

I'm hitting the "save" button before I chicken out.

but that’s my line

It's one thing to be ripped off by someone you know or another blogger (yes, it has happened, it is inevitable), but to be ripped off by a church?! Y'all know this has been my line for years.

It's bad enough a church is using my "it's not rocket surgery" line, even worse that Fail Blog doesn't get the joke and calls it a Fail.

Such a sad day in Kerry Blog world.

350

Dear Friends and Readers,

Here's hoping this day is treating you especially superfantastic and you're having a good hair day, you found five bucks in your pocket you forgot about and you did that cool look you give to the mirror when you know you're looking cute (oh come on, you know you do it too). Why? Because you're my interwebs friend and we spend a couple of minutes together a few times a week and I want you to know that I appreciate you coming here. You could be off reading the news (bor-ring, kidding, y'all know I'm a news junkie) or looking at lolcats (love me some lolcats), but you're here and that's great.

So, why am I all mushy and thankful? Because it's a special post day in The Kerry Blog world. I suddenly feel the urge to write "tonight on a very special Blossom." Girls my age will get that. Anyway, this post makes 350 posts on The Kerry Blog, Scraps & Lagniappe. That number comes from the WordPress entries I migrated over to Typepad, combined with the Typepad posts. That's not counting the first two versions of the blog (I'll go into that shortly). Y'all know I can't do math, Typepad shows how many posts there are on the dashboard, I didn't count anything, don't worry — my head isn't going to explode.

35o.

That's a lot of words, pictures, random musings, lists, rants, music, letters, videos, and a whole lot of TMI. I'm not fond of the acronym TMI. I tend not to like anything in all caps, plus it makes me think I'm trying to spell Tim, but I got dyslexic for a second. I'm not dyslexic, but my brain is faster than my typing (and I type pretty fast), which explains all the mistakes and ommitted words you've seen in this blog. ADHD is something else, obviously I can't stay with one thought for more than two sentences. See, I did it again. Back to the subject of too much information — in "real life" I'm not one to over share, save for a few close friends and the hubs, but for some reason on the blog, I tell you people semi-personal things that in a day or so after I write, I've forgotten about. Then someone stops me in Target and says "that was funny about your bra sticking up past your shirt." And I'm all, "yeah, that was funny," trying to think of why this person knows about my bra issues (of which there are many) and wondering if I have multiple personalities, one being a stripper. Then as I walk away, I realize it's from the blog. I'm guessing this kind of thing doesn't happen to most of you.

The funny thing about this blogging thing is you may start out blogging about one thing, and end up with something very different.

I started my first blog on Homestead back in in 2002 when the hubs' job brought us to Ft. McMurray, Alberta, Canada as a way to easily have one place for our family back in Louisiana to see what we were up to, pictures of Molly (and later, Katie), pretty normal mom stuff. In October of 2004, I found myself bored. We'd moved to Mandeville, where the hubs grew up, and his job once again sent him out of the country. This time it was Afghanistan. It was the first time our little fam was living apart and I found myself pretty depressed and emotional, which wasn't fun. I'd joined the MOPS group at our church and started scrapbooking again with some friends I'd made in MOPS, but I was missing the hubs terribly. Then two weeks after he'd left for the Middle East, I started thinking maybe I wasn't just a little emotional and lo and behold, the EPT test didn't lie. I was put on light bedrest and grew very addicted to the computer, since I couldn't do many of the things I was used to doing, and so, being bored out of my mind, I started a blog on Blogspot. It was a very family-oriented blog, lots of pics of the kids, a few funny stories, and for the most part, short entries, nothing big. The pic is from the era of the Blogspot blog taken at the Audubon Aquarium. Molly's running out of frame and Katie is attached to my hip. I was rockin' the twinsets as you can see (y'all know I don't post many pics of myself — goodness, and full length at that, so enjoy).

As moms do, I got busy with the things of life, neglected my blog and pretty much abandoned it. When I attempted to start blogging again, I found the Blogger platform a little limiting (this was two years ago before the new Blogger rolled out) and switched to WordPress, deciding I would focus on having a scrapbooking blog. Scrap & Lagniappe was born. The name meaning it would be scrapbooking and a little something extra. That lasted a whole 8 posts before I read about a woman who was suing Victoria Secret because a rhinestone or something popped off her thong and hit her in the eye — this was clearly something I needed to contribute my thoughts to. That was the day I found my blogger voice, so to speak. Sure, it was to expose the tackiness/ridiculous in the world (and make fun of it mercilessly), but someone had to do it. Occasionally I post scrapbook layouts, but it turned out this blog became more about the lagniappe. And that's fine with me.

Apparently it's fine with you too, because I have more readers than ever. Last week's Grey's Anatomy Finale post was a record night, with over 870 hits in two hours — that's something I never expected when I started this little blog. And it's still my little blog. As you may have noticed, there is no sponsor of this blog, no advertising, no PayPal tip jar — this is my outlet for sharing (and over-sharing) part of my day with you. Many of you are friends from childhood, high school, college, and so on. I think most of the family stopped reading long ago (irony, man). Many of you are friends of friends. Many of you I've never met, will probably never meet, and that's okay, I appreciate you stopping by just as much as my bestest friends. What's still not okay with me is that the comments aren't working, but I've gone on about that enough in other posts, I suppose.

I thought that since this is a post about you, I'd share some things I find interesting about you. This week there have been as many of you in Melbourne, Australia reading as in Shreveport/Bossier, LA where I grew up. You have no idea how much that makes me laugh. The hometown is almost getting beat by the Aussies. Somehow, I always knew I'd be big in Australia (that's a joke, yo). I've been visited this week by people all over the interwebs: from Modena, Italy to Mountain View, CA from Tokyo to Murfreesboro, TN and everywhere in between.

This week's top keyword searches that brought some of you to this blog were:

Brandon Flowers INXS
TJ Maxx co
mmercial redhead
Skymall happy feet
why does hank williams jr always wear sunglasses (yes, I mentioned this once)
vampire scraps (I don't even understand that one)
"i miss you i miss you i miss you" 80's song (that would be "Cut Here" by the Cure)
what not to wear dr appointment
Anna Bess Simmons (shout out to AB! woot-woot)
and
sky scrap for ceiling (I don't get that one either)

So, that's the ins and outs of The Kerry Blog. That's the past and the present. So, what's for the future? Your guess is as good as mine as life goes on this long and winding road. I can tell you that as long as wacky things happen to me, I'll write about them; and as long as there are wacky things happening in the world, I'll write about those too. After all, someone has to be here to tell you about her crush on Anderson Cooper and the stuff that passes for news. Someone has to ask the hard questions and live-blog award shows. Someone has to tell you what tunes you need on Tuesdays and give you a Sunday rewind to the 80's. But, for the immediate future, here's a heads up: the blog will get a complete make-over at the end of June. That's right, people, I'm taking it bigtime. Or something like that, since I've commissioned a real blog designer to do it. And in July, the month of my birth, I'm predicting high anxiety as I turn the numero 35. I am not happy about this, because I don't feel 35, whatever that feels like, and I'm pretty sure that's officially thirtysomething. Last year on my birthday, I wrote the 34 things I know, this year it will be 35 things. I'm hoping I've learned a few things so I'll have something to write about, 'cause at this moment, I got nothing.

Once again, thank you for reading. I'll see you back here tomorrow or the day after with something new. Be good.

xxxooo,
Kerry

spring cleaning

EDIT: this is not a blog obituary.

I've been spring cleaning. I hate cleaning. And so, while I put off tackling my closet (it's a walk-in I can't walk in at the moment), I thought I'd bring up what I've been pondering for a few days.

The Kerry Blog has been around in some form since 2005 (or '04, I can't remember). I started out on Blogger and grew frustrated with the limitations it had a couple of years ago, then I took the blog to WordPress, which I loved for many reasons. But I found a few things that I wanted to do in the blog world that weren't supported on Wordpess (only being able to post YouTube or Google videos, no custom CSS, etc). And as I began to read more blogs, I found many creative types using Typepad (Ali Edwards, Donna Downey, Heidi Swapp, etc) and made the switch once again.

I feel at home on Typepad, but I haven't been completely satisfied (read: sassified) with the look of my blog since I made the switch from WordPress. And so, tonight I started playing around and worked on a custom theme. It's not finished yet, but I'm happy with the colors — pink and green, my faves — and next the banner is up for makeover. I'm not sure what direction to take the banner. You know I'm not content with it staying the same for long. I like to change it out with the season. And while it is kinda springy as-is, it doesn't fit in the new format size and I might as well start from scratch. I'm going to be doing quite a bit of design work in the next couple of weeks anyway, so it's great practice!

Thanks for being patient with me as I play in Photoshop to make the new banner.

xxxooo,
Kerry

thinking

Hey peeps. Just thought I'd check in with y'all and say hi. The next two weeks are going to be super hectic because it's crunch time for ScrapFest! and I may not be posting as often until after the event, but you never know. Somehow I manage to make time for my peeps, even when it's crazytown around here.

I have a post in mind, but as usual, I'm trying to decide if the idea is brilliant or stupid. Most of the time that's my dilemma. I believe there is a fine line between the two, hopefully it will lean toward brilliant. I'll settle for decent.

Tomorrow is Sunday Rewind, so get your legwarmers and skinny ties ready!

somebody better call freakin’ PETA

I'll get to Tunes You Need Tuesday later, this couldn't wait. You'll see why.

There are a few blogs I read everyday, from friends' blogs to scrapbooking blogs to more serious-toned blogs and one of my favorites is Manolo For the Big Girl, which I've written about before. Today I went to MFTBG and found a link to what may possibly be the wrongest (yeah, I know it's not a word, that's how outraged I am!) site I have ever seen.

Somebody better call freakin' PETA before I have a stroke. I hate it when I see dogs dressed up in sweaters, so this made me nuts.

WTF? Now, I'm all about expressing creativity, but damn. This is all kinds of wrong. There is no explantaion other than this dog groomer never got to play with the Barbie Make Me Pretty Head when she was little and it taking it out on her dog. No dog wants their ass fur turned into a sunflower! I can't believe I actually wrote "ass fur" on the Kerry Blog; I've reached a new low, people.

Groomer lady didn't stop with the flower, that dog has antenae! She turned the dog into a snail in a garden of hell.

Don't get me wrong, I love animals (cute furry ones anyway), but this is cruel. And just when I thought I'd seen it all I scrolled down and saw this.

Good Lord, now the poodle is a camel. This dog is going to have and identity disorder. For realz. And groomer lady walked like an Egyptian for the award ceremony. Poor camel/dog. You know when they go to the dog park camel/dog gets made fun of by all the other dogs. Even the chiauauas and those weird barkless dogs point and laugh at the camel/dog and tell all the other dogs to ask what King Tut was really like. This dog is the Rodney Dangerfield of dogs, no respect. The dog is thinking "someone help me. Michael Vick, anyone."

Then when I thought it couldn't get any worse.

Oh hell no. It's a damn Teenage effing Mutant effing Ninja effing Turtle dog.

People, shut the back door. Call the cops, it's all over. I feel so deflated as a creative person, I'm going to get my scrapbook supplies out after the kids go to school tomorrow and get to work on making Lucy the basset hound the most glittery, blingged-out dog you've ever seen. I may fold her long ears into some kind of origami — forget those cranes! I'm going for a damn helicopter or a bi-plane or something that will fly, 'cause damn if we're gonna be shown up by a poodle!

Stay tuned for further developments, I may have finally gone off the deep end since I've seen the camel/turtle/dog and a damn pink freakin' dolphin this week. Dear Baby Jesus, please let life start making sense or I'm going to check myself into the looney bin. Please don't tell me I'm seeing things, because that means either I'm on too many meds or not enough and I think we all know the answer to that one. Plus, it's National No Swearing Week and I tried my best, but there was no chance of that with Fluffy the dolphin and this travesty of the dog world happening in the same week. I'm going to head to bed before I see a damn unicorn in the backyard or a dragon circling the house 'cause no one invited them to this party, that is unless they do laundry.