My oldest baby is 18 today. She still has one more year of high school left, so she’s stuck with me.

Yes, we do sparkler candles in this house because you should sparkle on your birthday.

I forgot to post today and now I’m hopped up on cough medicine that tasted like old blueberries and raspberries that someone left in a pocket in a coat closet for s couple of years.

If you don’t follow Unspirational on Instagram, I can’t help you. Also, I absolutely hate inspirational quotes. They’re the worst.

I’m sick.

I really like this quote.

Art by Sonaksha. Follow her on Instagram.

I was listening to The National and “Day I Die” came on. Listen.

And I thought, is it me or does this sound like Flock of Seagulls’ “Space Age Love Song” (my favorite FOS song)? Listen.

I don’t think I’m hearing something that isn’t there. Right?

This made me laugh.

I’m watching the documentary California Typewriter and I’m just in awe. So many typewriters, many people who love or collect typewriters. And the family that owns the shop that sells refurbished typewriters and repairs them as well.

It’s a beautiful and heartbreaking thing. Many of you know I love and collect typewriters. It’s the same thing that Tom Hanks and John Mayer and the other people in the documentary say over and over: typewriters give you a tangible thing and a feeling completely different than using iPads and computers. It’s human. You put a piece of paper in, type, and your thoughts come out on the paper. Imagine that. What a thing.

A guy in the Boston Typewriter Orchestra (yes, that’s a thing) said “each one has its own soul and its own sound.” And they do. The keys feel and sound different as do the return bells on each model of each Smith Corona or Royal or Underwood or Olivetti or Remington or Olympia. Even more so than cars. I mean, does the horn on my Explorer any different than an Expedition?

A kid in the documentary says “you don’t have to turn it on and plug it in.” The seven year-old gets it. What a thing.

I don’t know if y’all have heard, but there is a winter weather snowpocalypse coming. But I live in Texas, so…

Good news! Kanye and Kim are having a new baby. I’ve decided to help with the baby’s name because the couple enjoys creative names. Their 1st baby was North (a direction), 2nd was Saint (religious), 3rd was Chicago (place). Based on the naming history, their 4th has to be food or clothing related. Or entertainment-related.

Here are my ideas Kimye may use in exchange for naming me Godmother to the baby.

1. Chick-Fil-A
2. Popcorn
3. Chambray
4. Spork
5. Linen
6. Citizen Kane (my #1 pick)
7. Creamed Corn
8. Filet Mignon (I had a student with this name)
9. Oxford
10. Pocket Square
11. Godfather Part II
12. Chicken Nugget
13. Tight Rolled Jeans
14. Top Hat
15. Kiwi (this is my friend Molly’s pick)
16. Crumpet
17. When Harry Met Sally
18. 7 Layer Dip
19. Acid Wash
20. Gingerbread House
21. Ice Cream Sandwich
22. Fedora
23. Viva Las Vegas
24. Western Sizzlin’
25. Suspenders
26. Alphabet Soup
27. Visor
28. Plaid
29. Dolby Surround Sound
30. Seersucker
31. Flip Flop
32. Old Navy
33. Spaghettios
34. Belt
35. Laundromat
36. Charlton Heston
37. Crew Neck
38. Red Carpet
39. Honey Bunches of Oats (my nickname for people I love to death)
40. Ribeye
41. Kool-Aid
42. Meatball
43. West Side Story
44. Converse Chuck Taylors
45. MTV
46. Spanx
47. Smokey and the Bandit
48. Leopard print
49. Tweed
50. 4

By the wonderful Emily McDowell because one of mine is trying all of my patience tonight.