The Golden Globes aired last night — on a freaking Tuesday — and it was the first decent night of award season we’ve had since we only had the Oscars last year. The Globes didn’t air last year because The Hollywood Foreign Press, which hosts the Globes, was accused of racism and boycotted. Look that up, it’s a whole blog post I’m not going to write because I’m here for dresses.
First, the good.
Girl, I love this. This is a dress. It’s my favorite of the night. Quinta is short. It’s hard to do appropriate black-tie high fashion for short people. Bit this is it. It’s perfection. Just beautiful. I have no notes. I love the color and I’m loving the cape-esque drama. Bring it. I have never liked Hillary Swank. Ever. But this is a gorgeous look. Not just for a pregnancy look; the color, the plunging neck, and dramatic bow tails — yes. Everyone, learn from her.The next few remind me of old Hollywood. This is very Audrey Hepburn. This skirt is a little heavy, but I love the color combo and the gloves. A perfect red. Perfect dress. Jenn, you are a golden girl. Love it.
The “Just missed it”
If the ruffles were closer together at the bottom, it would have been great. I love the neckline, the chevron, but the fringe is weird. It’s kind of feathery, but not. Capes are high drama. Lace capes even. It’s a little much. I so want to like this. I want to. But it’s giving me blue sky and clouds. It the gown was silver, or the white was silver — I would love it. A little less volume and it would be lovely. Or maybe no wrap and sequined elbow length gloves instead. The bodice looks like bunny ears. A little too covered up, Nicole! You’re gorgeous, show us your arms or a leg slit. Something.I do love this, but the sleeve train is too long.
The confusing and bad.
I thought Ayo was pregnant, so I was going to say that the fabric looked heavy. But no, this is a weird two piece that has some sort of a shelf. She’s slayed the red carpet in the past, so this was a big question mark for me. Like a lot of these dresses, this one is trying to do too many things. Cutouts, volume, strappy bits. Just no. The two-piece really throws me. It’s not good. This is confusing. It’s shiny and looks like two dresses. If you cut off the bottom piece, you’ve got a ice skating costume. This is a lot of look. Grandma’s chenille bedspread, fringe, cutout, bow, sequins. Wow. Jellyfish. Natasha, I love you, but there is nothing redeemable in this look. I did love your bit on stage though. Imma need y’all to zoom in. The bodice is lovely. The sleeves look like an old-timey lampshade. Now, let’s a dress the silver ropey things with fringe. What on earth is going on there? This is really bad. Jess of the Spiderwoman.Too much volume at the bottom for the sparse top. It’s off balance, like Gucci said “eh, we’ve got a great nightgown, just throw a ruffly fringe skirt on it.”This is what it would look like if you wore a black dress and held up a white table runner in front if you. I hate the deep V with the ill fitting top of the bodice. It doesn’t look enough like they did it on purpose for it to look interesting. The straps are pointless, just make it strapless. Wrong shoes. Start over. And the hair doesn’t match. It’s the nightgown thing, but it wants to be a lot g flapper dress. This isn’t Gatsby. This black-tie, Andrew. Leather pants or a leather jacket, not both. You are not Eddie Murphy in 1983. Donald looks like he came to the club in pajamas and the club said “you have to wear a jacket, it’s club rules,” and they loaned him this jacket.
The worst.
No. Stop. Don’t do this. This screams Christopher Lloyd in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.Heidi, where do you even think you are?The worst. Just the worst. I get that she’s a comedian, but no. The slits are bad and what’s worse is that she’s posing in the exact same pose in every photo I found, except for group photos. It’s mainly the pose, but I think had there been only one slit, it would be better. It’s not solely the dress’s fault. Why are we showing off the tinu silver bag? Put your arm at your side and only let one leg peep the slit. I’ve seen Megan do far better on the red carpet. The hair is great though.
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