Yes, a question mark because most of the state costumes from last week’s Miss USA pageant were total headscratchers or just bizarre. Don’t worry, this is a photo essay. I’ve divided the costumes into the following categories: Sportsball, Luck Be a Lady, Flora and Fauna, and Ladies Choice (I was going to go with What on Earth? but thought I’d be nice). I did no research for this post aside from downloading the photos and reading the head paragraph to see who won. I did look up one state because the costume is that bizarre. But we’ll get to that.
Here we go!
SPORTSBALL!
Starting off strong with Miss Massachusettes! She’s wearing the rookie pitching target, rarely seen outside of the ballpark, Yankee Stadium, where the Red Sox play sportsball. You know it’s authentic because of the peacock feathers from their actual mascot, Socky the Peacock.What team even is this? The Deleware Gold Balls?
The Deleware Gold Balls will be playing the Kansas Jayhawks, but I don’t think the platform shoes would be effective.It’s giving small children would think a female athlete wears to a red carpet Vague Sportsball event.For God’s sake, North Carolina, get a hold of your drunk cheerleaders.There’s a lot going on here. It’s the Oklahoma Sportsball Thunder with a Nike emblem, the official NBA emblem, AND the LOVE’S TRUCKSTOP LOGO. I’ve not spent more than an hour in Oklahoma, so I’ll leave it to the people to decide.
LUCK BE a LADY!
JERSEY, BABY! You got your roulette wheel, stars, hearts, four-leaf clovers, feathers, fringe, and sequins. It’s giving me Roll the Cards, Baby! Then Vegasvada says, “hold my martini.” This is how you do it. Let’s face it, if I could fit into this, I’d wear it to Target any Tuesday.
FLORA AND FAUNA
We’re just doing drag at this point. Is that an orchid on her head? I don’t know.Miss Iowa or Knock-off Poison Ivy?E Pluribus Unum in kinky boots. You go, DC! Miss South Dakota was like “make me a dress that shows that I love girly stuff and Stranger Things.”Miss Mississippi just stepped off a parade float. This is giving Princess and the Frog realness.My home state. Miss Louisiana is wearing a free vector background romper of the Louisiana woods with. pelican with a train of crab netting. This is highly accurate for at least South LA.Miss Texas burst through a Hallmark on the way here. This costume won. It had LED lights. I don’t know what the hell this is, but it won third place in the costume contest. In other news, I’m going to be designing costumes next year on cocktail napkins in dark movie theaters after drinking lemondrop martinis. That’s what this looks like.COME GET YOUR PEACHES!I’m sure they were going indigenous, but it’s giving modern Hutt Palace Leia.All I know is Arkansas has diamond mines. But this is some QVC Diamonique® nonsense.Space Force? Air Force? Not bad considering the rest, Conneticut. Lady Justice, this is not your dress. This does not fit you. You look barefoot. What are you even doing with the props? Miss Virginia. this uniform is not OSHA safety-approved. Where is your top? What is the hose attached to? This wins most confusing. Optimus Prime Barbie from Washington. Why? STRAIGHT FROM JAPAN, IT’S MISS KENTUCKY! I’m assuming the contestants are allowed to choose whatever they want in this pageant and Miss Kentucky has Japanese heritage, so she went with that. But you would think the costume would have something to do with the state. Maybe it’s me, I don’t know.
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