Scrolling through Instagram, a saw this from @thechronicallyhonest:
I know I’ve thought this before and have even written about it, but more as taking it with pride, not what it is. It’s only natural to try to appear “normal,” because who wants to be the mentally ill friend? I know I’m perceived differently by people who know my story or part of my story or those who have heard bits of anecdotes. It’s always been incredibly important to me to look put together. I can’t tell you how many people have commented on that through the years.
Just since I started this post, 25 minutes ago, I’ve gotten so distracted it’s nuts. The ADHD is strong with this one. It rides along with the Bipolar Type 2 Electric Boogaloo. So much fun. But at least I look good today. Like really good. There should be a scale of how good one with mental illness looks and how good they’re feels that day. Kind of like a double version of the pain scale doctors show you.
That would be a good unit of measurement of reality.
I meant to post this before New Year’s Day, but this is a good day now that I think about it.
We’ve had a crazy past two years and a crazy past three years prior, in my opinion. We’ve had/have a pandemic. I honestly don’t care what anyone says, no one knows when it will end — at least in America — because almost half the country doesn’t believe in science. They even booed “their” president when he said he was vaccinated and had received the booster, you know, the vaccine he heralded when he was in office. We might as well be living in the Netflix film Don’t Look Up at this point. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a satire on a comet headed for Earth, but it could just as well be about the pandemic. It’s not getting great reviews, which could be because lots of people don’t want to think “eeek! This is us!”
So, yeah. there’s been a pandemic, a fair election that half the country thinks was not. People I know personally. I’ll never figure that one out. Not when there are documents and data to back it up. And a lot of the people who believe this are smart! I want to scream and shake those who are convinced that Trump won the election, but I know that it won’t help and I need to be still.
We’ve had people of color murdered on camera by police. We’ve had a white teenager kill protestors in the street and found not guilty in a court of law. There have been protests. There have been riots and there have been prayer services. There have been funerals. No one knows exactly what to do about the racism that exists in this country. I only know the power of education on anti-racism and that is how I am trying to impact my small community.
We’ve had a cult that assembled on the Internet gather in groups in real life who follow “Q” who anonymously posts vague hints of political things in a chat room. These cult members believe such as big-name actors in Hollywood drink the blood of children. They believe all kinds of crazy stuff about the 2020 election. They worship Trump. “Q” was supposed to be someone in an elevated position in the military, close to the president. A documentary crew got a guy who lots of people suspected to be this person to admit it was him. He realized he said the wrong thing on camera and that was it. He is a random guy that owned and ran an anonymous website with his dad. Do the cult members believe this? No.
Then there’s what we will be remembered tomorrow, the first anniversary of the January 6th Capitol Riot. A culmination of several things, some of which I wrote about above. President Trump encouraged it. It’s evident by his words and now texts that have come out asking him to stop it. He didn’t. People died. We watched it live on television and felt powerless.
So, we’ve all been through a lot. I’m sure the weight of past year has had some sort of impact on you. Some of you more than others, but pain is pain and grief is grief. And we felt powerless.
But we are resilient. We have love and courage. We have been still for the most part. We have had to dig deep for all of that. Sometimes we need to be still. Sometimes we can appreciate the stillness and know when to act.
I wish I’d heard this at age 12. How many times have I heard “be your best self?” At least 100 times Oprah alone. What does your “best self” even mean? Nicest? More present? Healthier? Attractive? Happier? I’ve heard this phrase for at least thirty years and I have no idea what it means. Fun? Intelligent? Artistic? I know what my best self isn’t, but what is it? I know my best self isn’t the morally dark things. But what is BEST? Empathetic? Adventurous? Fun?
I can’t be everything and I can’t be everything to everyone or for everyone. I don’t know what my best is because I’ve never been that. I may never be that. I may aspire to be more of one or some of the things above, but I won’t succeed at all or some.
So, just live.
Follow @keeleyshawart on Instagram if you don’t already. She’s terrific. I don’t know her, but I feel like she gets me.
No, not really — stay in that Christmas spirit. It’s funny how people forget the goodwill toward men after the holidays. Cars blocked me in my parking spot at the UPS store yesterday. For 15 minutes.
From Emily McDowell. Every word of this is worth noting. Copy the image to your phone — remind yourself everyday that you are a fighter and you are awesome.
kerryfaler.blog 